


when you're ready

by momentsintimex



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Former Best Friends, Healing, Road Trips, and learning to be friends again, just a whole lot of these two idiots figuring things out, reconnecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:15:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 47,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21632035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentsintimex/pseuds/momentsintimex
Summary: Lara Jean Song-Covey dreams of living in a city full of sunshine, warm weather and palm trees. So when she’s accepted too complete her residency in San Diego, she jumps at the opportunity.Peter Kavinsky, her childhood best friend, moved to San Diego two years before in desperate search of a fresh start. A steady job and grad school has become his life, but somewhere in the shuffle he finds himself missing his once best friend, Lara Jean, the same girl he pushed away when he needed her most.When the opportunity arises to reconnect, Lara Jean is hesitant. What once seemed daunting ends up in a whirlwind road trip across the country with the boy who once knew all her secrets.Peter just hopes it’s the new beginning the both of them so desperately need to begin healing their fractured relationship.
Relationships: Peter Kavinsky/Lara Jean Song-Covey
Comments: 206
Kudos: 353





	1. holding on forever

Residency in San Diego was a pipe dream.

A pipe dream that was enticing to think about. The warm weather, palm trees, being near the beach. A change of scenery, Lara Jean told herself. Even when she knew her life would be stationed diligently at the hospital working towards her doctorate and the beginning of her professional career, being surrounded by warmth and sunshine when she leaves the hospital sounded like perfection.

The acceptance letter from UCSD came on a day where five inches of snow blanketed the ground overnight. It was one of those days that made Lara Jean feel like winter was never going to end. Those days where the sky was perpetually grey and those warm spring days she longed for were further away than ever before.

She read it three times, let out a scream, and celebrated with her dad, Trina and Kitty when she finally managed to get out the words that she had been accepted into their residency program.

“You know, Peter Kavinsky moved out there last year for his master’s degree. Owen says he has a job out there that he’s going to keep until he finishes school, to see how he feels about being there,” Kitty smirks around her cocktail. “Maybe you could get in touch with him.”

“Kitty,” Lara Jean sighs.

“I’m just saying,” Kitty shrugs. Dr. Covey stares at her, shaking his head. “I think it’d be nice if you got back in touch with him. He might be able to help you find a place to stay in San Diego. And then maybe you could fix whatever happened between the two of you.”

Lara Jean dismisses the thought, ignoring her sister and moving back into the living room, going over the acceptance packet with Trina and FaceTiming Margot, delivering the good news to the people she was closest to.

_______________________________

It’s hard to pinpoint what went wrong between Peter Kavinsky and Lara Jean Covey’s friendship.

If you asked Lara Jean, she’d say it was distance. Being best friends was hard when they were 200 miles apart. Even more difficult when Peter had a life at school that involved the lacrosse team and new friends, and she was busy with perfecting new recipes in her free time and the demanding lifestyle that being a pre-med major brings.

If you asked Peter, he’d say he turned into a huge dick that didn’t value their friendship enough. He took advantage of her always being there for him whenever he needed it, that when she wasn’t, he didn’t know what to do. So he backed off without an explanation, and eventually Lara Jean gave up trying to cling on to whatever was left of them.

They saw each other on breaks, spending weekends watching old movies and baking and going to the few parties friends from high school would throw in celebration of making it through a chunk of school.

And then Peter’s dad got back in touch with them. It was sudden, sent Peter for a loop, and he pushed Lara Jean away. She had no reason to believe that he wouldn’t come to her when he was ready, and so she backed off. Sent him texts every once in a while promising him that she was always there for him, that things would be okay, that he could always vent to her.

She went on a baking binge and delivered a tin of cookies to him after three days of no communication, but his conversations were clipped and he looked a mess, and so she left when he fell asleep halfway through the movie he put on so they could spend time together.

Things never really fixed after that.

She’s thought about getting back in touch with him. Plenty of times, actually. She heard from Kitty that he got into the masters program at UCSD and loved it out there. She thought about sending him a congratulations text — even wrote it out a handful of times — but she could never bring herself to hit send.

His Instagram was sparsely updated, but most were pictures of him and friends at parties, a few pictures with girls, and his new life in San Diego. She liked most of them, smiled when he liked her pictures of her baking or updates about med school, but neither bothered to go further than that.

Sometimes she flips through old photos from elementary school through the beginning of college. Where they were known as best friends, where the two of them together was everyone’s normal, but eventually that all changed.

And maybe if she just reached out to him now they could fix things. It’d been four years. He’d probably be happy to know that she was pursuing her doctorate just like she once dreamed of. Maybe he’d even be excited that she was coming out to San Diego to do her residency.

She types out a few texts, then second guesses herself and decides that he probably changed his number in the last few years.

The text goes unsent, and as Kitty drags her out to the back patio for champagne and more celebrations, she doesn’t think about how she’ll be in the same city as her former best friend in just a few short months.

_______________________________

Peter Kavinsky FaceTimes home three times a week.

It’s a condition he made with his mom when he got accepted to UCSD. He was moving across the country, she argued, and the least he could do was call home a few times a week so she knew he was still alive.

He makes it a habit after a while. He cooks dinner while he talks, hearing stories about Owen’s adventures at school (double checking with Owen almost always results in a more wild version of the story his mother gives him from his younger brother), talks about the shop and how things are at home, and three times a week that Peter once thought sounded excessive no longer feels like enough.

Owen’s home for his final spring break before senior year, bins of winter clothes littering the living room that Peter can only bet his mom has been reminding Owen to sort through and put away numerous times. He answers the FaceTime, grin spread wide across his face as he leans his elbows down on the counter.

“You’ll never believe the news I heard today.”

Peter steps back from the pantry holding noodles in his hand, amusement written on his face. “I can only imagine the kind of news you’re about to tell me.”

There’s commotion on the other side, and when Peter looks up again Owen’s moved the iPad over to the other side of the island so he can sit down. “Lara Jean is doing her residency with UCSD.”

For a moment, Peter is silent. He isn’t sure _what_ to say. He didn’t even know she had graduated pre-med (he’d always been a firm believer that she’d change to interior design like she threatened on so many late night study sessions). He’d looked at her Instagram a few times, but she was mostly private about her school life and really only posted with friends or baked goods she had been working on in her free time.

“Peter. Did you not know she graduated pre-med?”

“I —“ Peter stops himself, sighing. “I kind of stopped looking at her stuff as much. Tried to… to unattached myself.”

Owen’s eyebrows furrow, nodding uneasily and letting out a breath. “Okay, what even happened between the two of you?”

There’s a lot of ways Peter could take this conversation. He could admit it was entirely his fault, that he pushed her away when their dad fought for custody of him because he was scared that that meant there’d be so many changes he couldn’t control. He could say that it was getting to be too much, that they both had their own friends at school and so keeping in touch became harder.

But instead he lets out a breath, waving his hand dismissively while shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter,” He says quickly, stirring his noodles. “So, she’s moving out here? Going to UCSD?”

Owen swallows, nodding. “Kitty said she was pretty excited about it. I think she’s looking for a change of scenery. And getting into UCSD residency is a big deal, Peter. She’d be silly to pass that up."

Peter rolls his eyes, biting back a smile as he nods. “It _is_ a big deal. I am doing my master’s here.”

“Which is why you should reach out to her,” Owen offers. “At least to say you’ll show her around. And then maybe you guys can talk about whatever happened between the two of you to make you so distant.”

“She doesn’t even know I know that she’s coming here,” Peter argues. There’s a hint of apprehensiveness behind his words. He’s aware it’s not that much of a stretch that he could’ve found out. She still uses her Facebook, occasionally she’ll post good news on her Instagram stories, but Peter tries not to make it a habit of looking too much into her life.

It brings up too many memories.

“Well, at least think about it,” Owen concedes, and when Peter nods Owen talks about his finals and moving back home and how he found a job for the summer, and suddenly it feels like a normal FaceTime that Peter had grown to love.

_______________________________

“If you don’t message him I’ll log onto your Facebook in the middle of the night and message him myself.”

Kitty’s threat is firm and teasing, but Lara Jean knows she’s dead serious and so instinctively she sighs, shaking her head.

“It just feels weird,” She concedes, ducking her head as she stares at the piece of celebration cake set out in front of her. “We haven’t talked in a few years. What if he doesn’t care that I’m coming? Or he doesn’t want to hear from me and ignores the message?”

“Lara Jean,” Kitty sighs. She taps through her phone, not bothering to look up. “When have you ever known Peter Kavinsky to be so rude that he’d ignore a message?”

Lara Jean wants to say that Kitty doesn’t know the new Peter. That he pushed her away and gave her clipped answers on her texts right before they stopped talking. But Kitty is fiercely opinionated and would probably justify Peter’s actions back then, and so she stops herself.

“I’ll think about it,” Lara Jean concedes, taking another bite of cake and listening to her sister sigh in the chair beside her.

“Even if it doesn’t fix whatever happened between the two of you, maybe reaching out and asking if he has any tips about where to live or the school is a good start,” Trina chimes in, raising her eyebrows as she puts the last of the dishes in the dishwasher.

Lara Jean nods, but keeps mostly quiet and finishes off the last of her cake, putting the dish in the dishwasher. Kitty sings a song about her going upstairs to message Peter, but Lara Jean swiftly ignores her and quietly shuts her bedroom door, pulling her laptop from her desk and settling in on her bed.

—

_Peter Kavinsky and 23 others liked your status._

The notifications have been constant since she posted her acceptance. She hasn’t looked at them much, mostly just cleared them from her phone and gone back to binging _Gilmore Girls_ on Netflix, but then she sees the first name that pops up.

Peter Kavinsky.

Her former best friend. The one she would’ve called while opening the letter. The one who knew everything about her just as she knew everything about him.

The boy she stopped talking to years ago inexplicably.

She can practically hear Kitty’s voice in her head, mocking. _You should just message him!_ She’d say, but it’d be condescending and full of that ‘I told you so’ attitude she’s had since she was young, and somehow that would’ve made her more annoyed about the whole situation.

She waits a few moments, half expecting a comment that ends up never coming. When she clicks his profile, the little green dot indicating he’s online has disappeared from beside his profile picture, but his photo is staring back at her and for a moment Lara Jean can’t help but stare.

He looks the same, she decides after a moment. A little older, a little tanner now that he’s living in San Diego. He’s growing his beard out, little stubble lining his cheeks behind a broad smile and a beer grasped firmly in his hand.

He looks like the Peter Kavinsky she used to spend hours in the treehouse with when they were little, making up stories and talking about their crushes as best friends did.

Only now he’s a stranger.

She scrolls down further, notices the ‘single’ staring back at her, and the message button just underneath that. Hesitating, she forces herself to click it.

There’s a million things she could say.

_Hey, sorry I stopped trying to get you to open up to me._ Or maybe, _hey, sorry distance sucked and we grew apart in the way we always promised we wouldn’t._ Or even, _I've been worried about you. I hope you’re in a better place._

The first two feel too forward, and the third one seems too deep for an initial conversation. So she sits back, drafting a few things that feel far too formal for a Facebook message, and then forces herself to hit send on the last one she writes.

She promptly closes Facebook, goes back to watching _Gilmore Girls_ , and hopes that Peter doesn’t think she’s too weird Facebook messaging him after he liked her post.

_______________________________

Lara Jean posted about her acceptance in a Facebook status.

Peter doesn’t even mean to see it, didn’t go looking for it after eating dinner and cleaning up his apartment a little bit. It’s the first thing that pops up on his screen when he opens the app, celebration emojis and a million exclamation points posted in the way only Lara Jean could get away with.

_So happy to announce that I will be completing my residency at UCSD! So excited for this opportunity to move to the warm sunshine for the next few years to complete my schooling on the way to being a doctor!_

There’s 83 comments and over 100 likes, Peter finds. It’s only been a few hours, but so many of her friends that Peter recognized had wrote messages and made loose plans to come visit San Diego when the winters back home got to be too much, and a pang of jealousy floods through his heart.

Because once upon a time it would’ve been him that wrote those things. It would’ve been him that got the phone call first, telling him that she was moving out to where he had been living the last year and their best friend adventures would be expanding to the West Coast, just like they always talked about.

He writes out a comment congratulating her, reads it over three times, and then deletes it. It doesn’t feel right, he decides. Something about it feels off, or distant, or maybe even out of place. Like maybe he doesn’t deserve to just comment on her major life news after years of being distant and pushing her way in the way that he had.

He settles for liking it, figuring that was courteous and safe and not too forward for someone who ruined things a few years prior.

He scrolls mindlessly through other updates from people from high school, likes a few things Gabe had shared with him, and then locks his phone and tosses it onto his bed.

He mostly forgets about it for a while, showering and working on some homework for one of his classes, and by the time he returns it’s late at night at he’s ready to just crawl under the comforter and sleep until his alarm rings the following morning for class.

He grabs his phone to plug it in, but it lights up and there’s a notification from Facebook staring back at him.

_New Message from Lara Jean Song-Covey!_

His breath gets caught in his throat, the room stills, and quietly Peter debates on whether or not he should open it now or wait until morning when he’s not half asleep.

The timestamp is an hour ago, long enough that Peter doesn’t look too eager to open her message when he received it, but it’s still late and he has class in the morning and really he’s trying to justify avoiding whatever it is she sent him.

He gets in bed, scrolling through Twitter for a few minutes before opening Facebook again. Lara Jean’s post has more likes and comments now, if possible, and after avoiding it long enough he opens it, reading through a few times for good measure.

_Hey, Peter :)_

_Long time no talk. I would’ve texted you, but I wasn’t sure if you had the same number or not and wanted to save myself the embarrassment of messaging someone who ended up not being you :) If you wanted to and you had the time, maybe we could catch up soon?_

_Covey_

He leans back against his pillows, reaching to flip the light off, and then types out a reply to Lara Jean before he can second guess himself any further.

_Hey Covey :)_

_Still have the same number, so if you have it saved you can reach me there and it definitely won’t be a stranger that will answer you back :) I’d love to catch up whenever you have time. I know you’re busy getting ready to graduate med school!_

_Congrats on the residency spot at UCSD! Let me know whenever you’re free and we can talk :)_

_Peter_


	2. I'm afraid that what we had is gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter attempts to be helpful and he and Lara Jean FaceTime for the first time in years.

Peter doesn’t hear from Lara Jean by the following morning.

He wasn’t expecting to, necessarily, but he had gotten his hopes up that she’d text him at least and the time zones would make it so he’d wake up to it.

He thinks about texting her, but realizes that maybe she changed her number and so he decides against it, going through his normal routine of rushing through breakfast and making his way to class.

By the time he’s done in his three hour lecture there’s a text waiting. Lara Jean’s name is on his screen, the emojis she had once put in there herself still there.

He walks to the dining hall to meet up with friends, maneuvering through the foot traffic of campus as he stares at his phone, willing himself to open the text.

_Hi Peter :) I’m excited to move out to San Diego in a few months. Maybe we could find a time to call? Or FaceTime? I’m definitely going to need tips on where to live and what to do since I probably won’t make it back out there before residency starts :)_

He glances up just long enough to spot Mason and Zach at a table in the back corner, waving him over. Weaving his way through the traffic Peter slips into the chair, dropping his bag down at his side and typing a quick text back to Lara Jean.

_Hi :) I’m excited for you to move out here! You’re going to love it here. Time zones are hard, but I can text you later tonight and we can see if it’s a good time?_

“Kavinsky,” Zach says, waving his hand in Peter’s sightline. “What the fuck? Did you meet a new girl or something?”

Peter glances up, shaking his head as he locks his phone and lets it fall to the table in front of him. “No, I didn’t,” He says. Keeps it short, to the point, and doesn’t give anything more than that. He reaches over, swiping a chip from Mason’s tray. “Why did you choose to come here for lunch? You know this place is always insane.”

“Because it’s an even distance between all of our classes,” Mason reminds him, pulling his tray when Peter reaches for another chip. “And I know for a fact you have money to waste on food. Go get your own.”

Peter rolls his eyes, steals another chip anyway, and rises from the table to grab a sandwich of his own.

When he returns, his phone is twisted and both Mason and Zach have a look of amusement on their faces. “Who’s Lara Jean?”

Peter feels the heat rise to his cheeks. He sinks back into his chair, swiping his phone from the middle and staring back at the notification on his lock screen. “I — why were you two looking at my phone?” He furrows his eyebrows, swiping on the notification.

_I’d love that! Getting pretty good at late nights with med school. Let me know when is good for you :)_

“We didn’t necessarily mean to look at it,” Zach argues.

“It was just face up when it lit up,” Mason finishes, watching as Peter’s eyes flick between the two of them. “So, who’s Lara Jean?”

“She’s…” Peter starts, and then stops. How does he describe Lara Jean?

_She’s a girl I’ve known since elementary school._

_We used to be best friends._

_She’s the only one who really knows me._

“She’s a girl from back home,” Peter says quietly. He types out a reply to Lara Jean, deletes it, and sends a smiley face instead.

“An ex?”

“No,” Peter says quickly. He pockets his phone, looking back between his friends. “A friend. A really good friend,” He decides on, reaching out for a chip.

Mason raises his eyebrows, amused. “Oh, so you were getting some?”

Peter throws a burnt chip in his direction, taking a swig of water from his bottle in front of them to hide the blushing on his cheeks. “No, definitely not,” He says decidedly, taking a bite of his sandwich. “It wasn’t like that between Lara Jean and me.”

Zach and Mason share a glance, but Peter is silently wishing someone would whisk him away from this conversation and takes another bite of his sandwich before their interrogation continues.

“Well, guess this Lara Jean girl is going to stay mysterious for now,” Zach says, finishing the last of his own sandwich. “Don’t worry though, I”m sure we’ll find out more soon.”

“You won’t,” Peter says, using the back of his hand to wipe his mouth, taking another sip of water. “Just… you don’t have to worry about who she is.”

They eat lunch with minimal conversation, and by the time Peter is finished his sandwich he was 20 minutes to get across campus to his next class. He grabs his bag, mumbles something around a mouthful of chips that he’ll meet up with them later or they should go to the bar soon, and dashes across campus to make it just in time.

He glances at his phone half hoping that Lara Jean struck up a conversation, but there’s nothing there. He leaves it on his desk just in case, and when he glances at it far too many times in the span of 15 minutes he finds himself admitting that he needs to slow down.

_______________________________

“Wait, so Peter was your childhood best friend?” Naomi, who’s expertly painting Lara Jean’s nails, asks. The pair had been roommates since freshman year, and Lara Jean can’t think of anyone else she’d rather stay awake with studying human anatomy in hopes of getting an acceptable grade.

“Yeah,” Lara Jean mumbles in reply, nodding as she watches Naomi move onto the next finger. “We met when we were in elementary school. We became good friends, and kind of just stayed close.”

“How come I never met him then?”

Lara Jean sighs, shifting her weight off her legs. “It’s… it’s complicated.”

“Complicated how?” Naomi presses, glancing up with her eyebrows raised. “I mean if you were so close you would’ve withstood college, right?”

“I don’t know,” Lara Jean mumbles. She uses her free hand to pull her knee up to her chest. “I guess maybe we both could’ve tried harder. But something happened to him personally and there was nothing I could do to help. It kind of separated us a little bit.”

Naomi doesn’t seem entirely convinced, but she doesn’t say anything about it and instead finishes the last of Lara Jean’s nails. “Maybe you moving to San Diego will start things fresh for the two of you.”

“Maybe,” Lara Jean says hopefully.

“Is he cute? Because if he is I want dibs.”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, laughing as she throws a pillow at Naomi while she walks back to her bedroom. Both girls laugh, and just as quickly as Lara Jean had been reminiscing on times that were so good to her, she’s back laughing with her roommate.

She was going to miss this most of all.

_______________________________

Peter spends the entire rest of the day thinking about what he was going to say to Lara Jean when he FaceTimed her.

So much time has passed that he doesn’t even know where to begin. He could ask her how the rest of undergrad went, but he thinks that might be too much. It would bring back memories of how they were supposed to figure it out together, how she was the one he was supposed to FaceTime when he got into UCSD for his master’s even when he didn’t think he’d be able to.

He could ask her how pre-med is going, but he thinks maybe she’d just groan and roll her eyes and say she’d rather talk about anything but school (just like she always had), and so they’d be left back at square one with awkward silences and idle talk that never really sat well with either of them.

He’s sitting in his accounting class when he realizes she asked for help looking for places to live. He’s already got an A in the class, a grade so high that it would be near impossible for him to fail, and so he pulls up a new tab on his laptop and Googles apartments for rent nearby.

He scrolls through a few dingy apartments that are probably in her price range but definitely not up to her living standards — or his, really — and notices one familiar apartment.

The one directly underneath him was going to be available in June. A month before she’d need to move out here (not that he’s checked USCD’s residency start time).

He clicks on it, thumbs through the photos of the cleaned apartment and the space, and then glances at the price. He’s not doing bad for himself, a measly job with a consulting company keeping him afloat while he finishes his degree, but he has to think she’d be making more.

He bookmarks it, just in case, and then also bookmarks a few others to give her options.

He spends the rest of class thumbing through her Facebook, and then her Instagram. He notices she’s still friends with Chris, the two of them posing for a picture by the lake laughing. He smiles, stares at it for a little too long, and thinks about summers with their groups of friends when they would venture to the lake for long weekends and spend their time kayaking and swimming and making a million memories.

He and Lara Jean would go for walks through the woods together, talking about life and the future and how they’d always have each other.

He wishes he would’ve kept that promise. He wishes this wasn’t going to be the first trip he knew about her coming out to San Diego. That she could’ve visited him before and he could’ve taken her to the seafood place down by the marina, or maybe to the zoo and the aquarium if they had the time.

He tries not to dwell too much on the past. For as much as his mom tried to give him a good childhood, there were moments where it was a little traumatic. And normally Lara Jean understood. She’d ask all the right questions, drive over to his house when it was nearing midnight just to listen to him rant.

And then he ruined it. He shut her out, shut his mom out, locked himself in his room to try to deal with everything going on. He was just barely over 18, sure, but Owen was not. And that scared him enough to feel like no one would understand.

His mom put him in therapy to at least get him to talk to _someone_. He made a promise to his therapist to talk to Lara Jean, and he did. But it wasn’t the same, and the conversations that once came easy now sounded too formal.

Conversations at all fizzled out at the beginning of sophomore year. They survived a summer of awkward hangouts and lingering questions and conversations that needed to be had but never were, and when they were long distance again neither fought to make it work.

He missed those moments. When his first college girlfriend Lina broke up with him outside of a frat party when they were totally sober, his fingers lingered over her number for the better part of the night. When he made dean’s list for the first time he almost sent her the email screenshot, mostly because he knew she’d be proud of how hard he had to work for that.

When the lacrosse team won the league, he thought about her being in the stands next to his mom cheering him on.

But none of that happened, and now, 5 years later, he’s being given a chance to make it better. To talk things through, to apologize, to become best friends with her again.

He doesn’t intend on ruining it this time.

_______________________________

Lara Jean spends a ridiculously long time in the bathroom.

Naomi’s made plans with some friends from her history class, declaring from the doorway that she probably wouldn’t be home until well after midnight. “If you need more time than that, let me know so I don’t barge in on something,” She smirks, raising her eyebrows.

Lara Jean’s cheeks go pink as she ducks her head, digging through her makeup bag. “We haven’t talked in five years. I don’t think you’d walk in on something you don’t want to see.”

“You don’t know. This might rekindle an old flame.”

“Peter was never an old boyfriend or crush or anything,” She replies quietly. “He wasn’t… our relationship wasn’t like that.”

Naomi just shrugs. “I stalked his Instagram. He’s hot. You can’t tell me you weren’t attracted to him.”

“I’ve known him since I was 5.”

“So you’ve watched him grow into his looks,” Naomi counters. She smiles, takes a step forward, and runs her fingers through Lara Jean’s short hair. “You’ve grown a lot too. Even since freshman year. He’s going to love you all over again.”

Lara Jean opens her mouth to argue that they were never in love to begin with, but stops herself short. “We don’t know. We could be two completely different people by now,” She mumbles instead, twisting her hair around her fingers.

“Lara Jean,” Naomi says, taking a step back. “Don’t be so guarded. Let whatever happens, happen. I want to hear all about it tonight,” She says, leaving a kiss to the side of Lara Jean’s head. “I’ll be home around 1. I’ll text you if I’m going to be later. Love you!”

“Love you,” Lara Jean sighs, listening to Naomi’s heels against the hardwood as she grabs her keys off the hook and closes the apartment door behind her.

Lara Jean takes a minute, scrolls through her Spotify to find the perfect playlist, and then looks at the time. Peter texted her earlier saying he would FaceTime around 10 her time, which means she has 40 minutes to make herself look presentable and find the perfect top to wear for their FaceTime date.

She sifts through her sweaters, pulling them off the hanger and trying them on. She doesn’t know why she’s trying so hard, Peter has seen her in old t-shirts with holes in them and tank tops she probably would’ve never worn out of the house, but this feels different.

Because this is happening five years after the last time they saw each other, and she finds herself wanting to make a good impression.

She decides on a creme sweater that Naomi always declares makes her look like the most comfortable person on campus, pulling her hair over to the side and running her fingers through it a few more times. She applies some makeup — minimal, because it’s only a FaceTime — and settles in on the sofa where it at least looks semi-clean behind her, scrolling through Twitter until he calls.

Uncharacteristically, Peter calls at 10 on the dot. Lara Jean gives it a moment before swiping to answer it, smiling as his face fills her screen.

He looks like her Peter. His hair is splayed in a million different directions, curls wild. He has a hint of a five o’clock shadow on his jawline, but his smile is still evident and his eyes look bright, and for a moment it almost feels like no time has passed at all.

“Congratulations, Dr. Covey,” He says, voice quiet as he leans back against some pillows.

“Not yet,” Lara Jean mumbles, but she’s smiling and blushing, pulling her knees up to wrap her arms around. “Need to graduate from med school before I’m a doctor.”

“So a few more months, right?” He says, and the smile is still on his face like he’s genuinely interested.

Lara Jean nods quickly, running her fingers through her hair. “A few more months of studying and then I’m there,” She says, a wave of anxiety brushing over her. “And what about you? Doing your master’s out in San Diego?”

“I needed a change of scenery,” He shrugs. “Home is home, but it’s warm here all the time and I’m close to the ocean. It’s… relaxing.”

Lara Jean nods, smiling. “Well, I can’t wait to live there in a few months then,” She says, and then sits up a little straighter. “Is the school nice? I mean I won’t be there much, but like… I don’t know.”

“You’ll love it here,” He says quickly. He pauses, waits for her to say that she probably won’t because she’s changed, but her eyes just light up and she looks at him intently. “It’s beachy, carefree. More laid back than home. Sunny most of the time, you can almost walk everywhere.”

“So when I do get to see the sun I’ll love it?” She teases.  
Peter frowns, the lines between his eyebrows creasing. “You’re going to be working that much?” He asks. He masks it well, but Lara Jean can almost sense disappointment in his voice.

“40 to 80 hours a week probably,” She shrugs. “Sometimes more. So I’ll have some free time I guess.”

“For being doctors, you sure don’t take time for yourselves much, huh?” He smiles, brightening up slightly. “Whatever, we can figure out when we’ll have time to hang out once you’re here.”

“So you’re going to hang out with me?” She asks. There’s disbelief etched through her words, like maybe this was all just a formality for now and they’d grow apart again once she was settled in.

“Why wouldn’t I?” He asks, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Covey, come on. I know I was a dick before, but I’ve grown up,” He insists. “And I want to make this right.”

She’s quiet for a moment, staring at a string fraying on her comforter. “I don’t want to talk about all of that right now,” She says quietly, because her mind can’t handle a heavy conversation this late at night when she has an all day study session scheduled for the next morning.

“Okay, yeah,” Peter breathes. She hears him shift, and then he’s pulling at his laptop, clicking. “I found you some places around here. I know pictures don’t do them justice, but I could walk through them and FaceTime you? Give you a feel of the apartment?”

“You don’t have to do that,” Lara Jean says, nodding when Peter says he’ll send her the links. “I mean, maybe just send me a picture of the outside if you’re by them? So I know if it’s in like, a decent area.”

“They’re all in good areas, Covey,” Peter says softly. His message comes through a minute later, and then one separately. “I wouldn’t pick apartments that were in bad areas. And they’re near the hospital.”

“Why did you send one link by itself?”

She glances back to her phone, watching Peter duck his head and smile. “I mean, there may or may not be a one bedroom directly underneath my place that’s for rent. It’s available starting June 28.”

“I start July 1st,” She mumbles. Clicking the link, she thumbs through the photos. “Peter, this place is so…”

“Not me?” He finishes, smiling as she nods. “I know this won’t surprise you, but my mom helped me pick it. It’s affordable, has good amenities, and close to the ocean.”

Lara Jean nods. She stares at the kitchen with high end finishes and decor that she would’ve chosen for herself, chewing on the inside of her lip. “I… do you want me to live in your building?”

“I wouldn’t have suggested it I wasn’t on board with it,” He says softly. “Covey, I just want you to be happy.”

She nods, scrolling down to the price. “I think I’d feel safer being near you,” She says. And then she seems to realize what she said, eyes widening as she tries to play it off. “I just mean because I’m not going to know anyone. But at least you’d be close by.”

She glances back at Peter, who’s smiling. “I know what you meant,” He says softly. “And for the record, I think you should look through the other places. At least make sure you don't like one of those better. I don’t live far from any of them, so I’d be there if you needed me.”

Lara Jean nods, clicking on the other links and scrolling through the photos. They’re nice, all done to her taste. Some are nicer than others, but her mind keeps going back to the place just below him.

It’s not perfect, she knows that. There are style things she’d do to make it her own, but it’s modern and clean and comes with amenities that she thought could only be a dream with a California rent. Peter living upstairs is a bonus, and it’s almost walking distance to the hospital she’d be doing her residency in.

“I’ll entertain the others, but your building is nice, Peter,” She says softly, smiling. “And it’s affordable, and I could walk to work if the weather was nice.”

Peter nods, trying not to let his smile get too big or his excitement spill over into the screen too much. “I can set up to tour it for you so you can see it on FaceTime,” He offers, and immediately Lara Jean accepts.

“So, Peter, how has your life been these last five years?” Lara Jean asks, curling further into the sofa when she realizes she’s not yet ready to hang up.

Peter smiles, shaking his head. “I graduated from UVA on time, miraculously.”

“Not that shocking,” Lara Jean shrugs.

“I decided that I’d be able to make more money if I got my master’s, so I looked into programs. Things have been good at home, and so I thought why not change my life a little and move across country. It’s probably temporary, so I did it.”

“And you seem to love it,” She comments, smiling when Peter nods eagerly. “That’s good, Peter. I’m really, really happy for you.”

“Thanks,” He replies softly, pausing for a moment. “And what about you? Obviously you’re absolutely crushing med school.”

“Shut up,” Lara Jean groans, but Peter doesn’t miss the blush creep up on her face and how her smile grows impossibly wider. “I’ve been _in_ med school. Not necessarily crushing it.”

“Covey,” Peter insists, voice soft. “In all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never been a bad student. I think you’re just being modest.”

“Maybe so,” Lara Jean shrugs, laughing. “But other than that I try to still bake when I can. When I have a little bit of free time.”

“So I can assume I get some baked goods when you move out here?”

“If I have time,” She nods. “As a thank you for helping me choose a place to live in San Diego. And for not leaving me abandoned.”

“Very fair,” He smiles.

They talk about their families and what’s going on in North Carolina since the last time he’s been back east, and when Lara Jean masks a yawn behind her arm Peter glances at the time, frowning.

“We’ve been talking for almost an hour and a half,” Peter comments softly. Lara Jean watches as he runs his fingers through his hair. “You never used to stay up this late.”

“Med school will change you,” She mumbles, but her eyes are growing heavy and she yawns again, sighing. “But you’re right, I’m still no good at this whole late night thing.”

He smiles, and he looks so warm and cuddly himself that for a moment Lara Jean finds herself missing him more than she had before. “Well, I won't keep you. You should get to sleep, Covey.”

“Okay,” She nods, but she tries to think of something else to say to keep their conversation going. “Maybe we can FaceTime again soon?”

“Of course,” Peter smiles. “We’ll find another time to FaceTime soon. But for now go get some sleep.”

Lara Jean nods, saying goodbye and ending the conversation. She pulls herself out of bed, hangs up the sweater she had been wearing back in her closet, and changes back into her pajamas.

She goes through the motions of wiping her makeup off and brushing her teeth, double checking that the apartment is locked before she goes to bed with Naomi still out with friends.

She crawls back into bed, shuts the light off and turns on a movie, and beside her her phone lights up.

_I’m really glad you Facebook messaged me, Covey. Goodnight <3_

She reads it a few times, catches herself smiling, and types back a reply before she second guesses herself.

_Thank you for answering me back, Peter. Goodnight <3_

She falls asleep with a smile plastered on her face and a cautious sense of hope that maybe things could be fixed with Peter Kavinsky after so many years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah, i did not expect the reaction that i got on the first chapter! i'm so glad you guys are enjoying this so far, hopefully that continues! as we work through you'll find out more about their previous dynamic/what drove them apart, it's just going to take some time :)
> 
> thank you guys for all the kudos/comments :) you're all the best <3
> 
> see you next sunday!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Flicker by Niall Horan :)


	3. something inside me's changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter proposes something big, and Lara Jean does a lot of thinking.

Early spring turns into gorgeous weather where the flowers bloom and the sun shines, and Lara Jean finds herself savoring the last few weeks of life at UNC.

It’s flown by so quickly that she isn’t sure what to do with herself. Study sessions are spent at the library with Naomi, who’s constantly peppering her with questions about Peter and updates on what’s going on with them.

Which is nothing, Lara Jean insists each time with a patience only she holds. They’ve been mostly texting and an occasional FaceTime has happened here and there, but Lara Jean doesn’t want to push too hard and she isn’t sure what Peter’s feelings are about everything.

“I just have a feeling that this is going to end in a really romantic way,” Naomi says dreamily over a pot of boiling water being used for noodles for dinner, hand resting on her hip. “I mean you guys go from best friends to losing touch, and now you’re moving to where he lives to get his master’s. Is there anything more romantic than that?”

“I can think of a million things more romantic,” Lara Jean mumbles, cutting the lettuce for salads. “Naomi, I don't want you getting your hopes up. This could just be a civil friendship,” She says, shifting her attention to her friend. “We don’t know that we’ll ever get back to the way we were. I personally don’t think we will.”

Behind her, Naomi laughs. “I don't know why you’re being so pessimistic about all of this,” She says, smiling when Lara Jean turns to look at her. “You’re a lot of things, Lara Jean, but pessimistic isn't one of those things.”

Lara Jean sighs, stopping herself from immediately refuting her argument. “A lot happened between us,” She concedes, tossing the lettuce into a bowl and bringing it over to the table. “I got my hopes up last time thinking that maybe we could fix things and make it the way it was when we were in high school, and I don’t want to do that this time.”

Naomi nods, draining the noodles and pouring them into a bowl, bringing them over to the table. “Well, whatever happens, I expect updates.”

“You’ll get them,” Lara Jean rolls her eyes, sliding into her seat at the table.

_______________________________

“So there was a point in time where you were a complete dick?” Peter’s friend Chelsea asks, curling up on the sofa opposite him.

Peter shrugs, sighing. “I mean, yeah. I took advantage of her just being there all the time, and then when I really did need her I shut her out.”

Brittany sits down beside Peter, smiling. “Well, she contacted you, didn’t she? So obviously she’s willing to look past it.”

“Or at least work through it,” Mason offers, and for a moment Peter can’t believe they’re all being this serious about things.

“I just don’t want to fuck things up again,” Peter sighs. He absentmindedly curls his hair around his finger, pulling until it slips out of his grip. “I kind of just thought this chapter was over. That there would’ve been nothing I would be able to do to get her back in my life.”

“The universe is giving you a chance,” Brittany smiles, leaning over and tapping his knee. “So don’t fuck it up.”

Peter nods, letting the silence fill the room for a moment. He checks his phone, asks Lara Jean to FaceTime later, and smiles when she says yes.

“You’re going home in a few weeks, right?” Zach asks, handing a beer to Peter as he sits down next to Brittany. “Why don’t you offer to drive back with her? Help her bring her things out and get settled in.”

Peter thinks about saying that it’d be too awkward. There’s too much between them, too much that they need to sort through and talk about and a cross-country drive would do them no good, but then he thinks about it.

It would save Dr. Covey extra days he’d have to take to drive out with her, assuming he wouldn’t let her go alone.

He’s driven out to San Diego before, which gives him minimal but some experience with it.

It’s not like Lara Jean is a stranger — far from it, actually — and so it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

It’s a nice thing to do to help out a friend. Or a former friend. Whichever you want to call it.

“I guess it wouldn’t be the worst thing I could offer,” He concedes, ignoring both girls’ faces lighting up when he says it. “I mean, her dad would probably be grateful.”

“Think of it as you’re just doing them a favor,” Mason smirks, and with that Peter agrees, deciding that he’d ask her that night when they FaceTime.

_______________________________

Lara Jean makes Naomi swear that she’ll be quiet while she’s on FaceTime to which Naomi decides she’ll just leave for a while, and then Lara Jean promptly locks herself in her bedroom 15 minutes before Peter said he’d call.

She has no reason to be nervous — they’ve FaceTimed a few more times since then — but she’s insanely aware that they’re a few weeks away from living in the same city, and somehow that equates to her feeling like maybe this is all going to unravel at this point.

“You’re early,” She smiles as she answers Peter’s call, smirking as she glances at the time.

“Five minutes,” He shrugs. She watches as he walks through his apartment, falling onto the sofa. “I figured you were probably still very prompt with being ready on time.”

“Luckily I was ready,” She retorts, but she can feel the blush creeping down her neck and across her cheeks, letting her head fall forward as she shakes her head. “So, I signed and sent the lease for that apartment in your building today.”

Peter raises his eyebrows, taking a bite of his apple. “Did you? I’m glad, Covey. It just means we’ll be living basically next door to each other now.”

“We will,” She nods. Her heart flutters. “But I hear I have a very noisy neighbor just above me.”

Peter laughs. “Not sure where you heard that. I’ve heard the guy who lives in 312 is so light on his feet it sounds like no one lives there.”

Lara Jean smiles, shaking her head. “I think we both know that you have never been light on your feet, Peter Kavinsky.”

“Maybe not,” He concedes, smiling. “But I’ll do my best for you.”

“You’re too kind.”

There’s a lull in the conversation, one that doesn’t feel awkward or out of place like it might have before, and it’s Peter who breaks the silence.

“So, I’m actually coming home at the end of the semester for a few weeks,” He says, folding his leg underneath him. “I’m scheduled to be back at work July 1.”

“The same day I start my residency,” Lara Jean mumbles under her breath.

A smile tugs at the corner of his lips, his fingers running through his hair. “So, I haven’t actually booked my flights back,” He explains. There’s a quickening pace to his heart rate as he sits there, leaving him anxious and restless, his fingers tapping against his knee. “And I would be more than happy to drive back to San Diego with you, assuming you’re driving out here at all.”

“I do need my car out there,” She smiles. Peter watches her lean back against her pillows. “I don’t think I can ask you to do that, Peter. You’ve already done so much for me by helping me find a place.”

“That was easy,” He argues. “If nothing else, this road trip will save your dad the trip. Or one of your sisters?”

“Margot had offered to drive with me,” Lara Jean sighs.

Peter can’t help but laugh, shaking his head. “Don’t sound too excited.”

“It’s Margot,” Lara Jean says. He watches the corner of her lips twitch, the smallest of smiles hidden by the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “She’s great, but she’s Margot. And she’s very particular about routes and stops.”

“The Coveys are planners,” Peter interjects. “You can’t deny you have that in you, too. You always have.”

“I’m not as bad as her!” Lara Jean squeaks. Her cheeks flush. “Please tell me I’m not as bad as Margot.”

“You’re not,” Peter laughs, shaking his head. “But you have the same qualities.”

Lara Jean’s shoulders sag, a sigh escaping. “I’m working on it. The whole spontaneous thing.”

“Well, I can’t wait to meet that side of Lara Jean.”

Lara Jean feels her breath get caught in her throat when he says that. It’s so innocent, so normal, but coming from a person she’s known since elementary school and thought they’d grow old together, it feels out of place.

Her mouth feels like cotton when she opens it to reply, so she settles for nodding, letting the silence fill between them once more as she reaches for her water bottle.

“I’ll think about us driving back together,” She concedes once she’s swallowed and feels at least partially better. “But that’s a really big ask, and I don’t want to put you out.”

“Lara Jean,” Peter laughs, “You’re not putting me out. We’re going to the same place, remember? It’s not even out of the way.”

Lara Jean nods. “Oh, right,” She mumbles, which only makes her feel worse again, like maybe she stood up too fast and got dizzy despite the fact that she’s been sitting down. “Still. You’d have to leave home early.”

“My mom would understand,” He shrugs. “Especially if it’s you I’m leaving early for.”

Lara Jean laughs out of reflex, but she still feels like maybe there’s a lot left unsaid between them and it all feels too comfortable and so she sighs, nodding.

“Fair enough,” She manages. “I’ll think seriously about it and let you know. So you can book your flights,” She agrees. Peter seems to take that for an answer, and then Lara Jean hears the front door open and Peter’s saying how he’ll let her go, but not before she promises to make sure they FaceTime sooner than they did this time.

She agrees immediately and says her goodbyes, closing her laptop as her bedroom door opens and Naomi appears with an iced coffee and a smile on her face. “What is this look? Did something already happen between the two of you?”

Lara Jean thanks her gratefully, taking a sip and leaning back against her pillows. “He offered to drive to San Diego with me.”

Whatever Lara Jean was expecting, it wasn’t for Naomi to scream with joy, abruptly standing up from her bed and dancing around. “LJ, why aren’t you more excited about this?! A whole week with this boy who used to be your best friend!”

“Used to be,” She argues weakly, sitting up and taking another sip of her coffee. “Besides, that’s a big ask for me. I’m sure he’d rather stay back home. See people he doesn’t get to see since he moved out there.”

“Did he sound like he was offering out of pity?” Naomi asks. She’s composed herself by now, sitting back down on the edge of the bed.

Lara Jean hesitates, and then shakes her head. “No, because when I said I’d think about it he just kept reminding me that it wasn’t a big deal at all and it literally isn’t out of his way.”

Naomi smiles, hiding it lamely behind her own coffee. “Well, I think there should be less thinking and more doing,” She declares. “Where did spontaneous Lara Jean go? The one who would’ve said yes to this in a heartbeat.”

“I don’t think even spontaneous Lara Jean would’ve said yes to this,” She sighs. “Going to bars and night clubs to get away from studying? Sure. Agreeing to drive across the country with a guy who used to be your closest friend and knows almost everything about you? Not as easy to just say yes to.”

Naomi sighs, falling next to Lara Jean on her pillows. “Well, at least give it some serious thought. It may be a big thing, but it could be a really good thing. A bonding experience for the two of you,” She taps Lara Jean’s thigh. “Or if nothing else, it’ll be a good story.”

Lara Jean laughs, watching Naomi walk out of her bedroom and into her own. She lays on her bed for a while, debating what the right choice is, and then finds her sister text in her phone.

_How much do you guys want to come to UNC and see your favorite middle sister this weekend?_

_Drinks on me, Go Go. Kitty, I’ll buy you any food you want at the bar._

_Also I really need some sister advice._

_______________________________

Lara Jean’s made three different kinds of cookies by the time her sister’s arrive Friday evening.

She doesn’t even know why she’s nervous. This isn’t their decision to make, but she values both of their opinions and worries that maybe they’ll think she’s making a huge mistake by even living in the same building as Peter Kavinsky, let alone thinking about driving all the way to San Diego with him.

Margot and Kitty arrive with bottles of champagne to celebrate Lara Jean’s acceptance into her residency, to which Margot gives Kitty a wry smile. “We’ll stay in tonight,” She decides, glancing back to Lara Jean. “Order Chinese, watch movies. Have a Covey sisters night.”

Lara Jean eagerly agrees, moving back to the kitchen where the Chinese menu lives on the side of the fridge. “Naomi is visiting a friend this weekend, so we have the place to ourselves,” She smiles as she hands Kitty the menu, helping Margot pop the bottle of champagne.

“This is just like old times,” Kitty smiles, tossing the menu in Margot’s direction. “Except now Lara Jean is practically a doctor and is leaving us for San Diego instead of coming home.”

“I’ll be home for a little while before I leave, Kitty,” Lara Jean frowns.

Margot looks up from the menu. “Speaking of, I’ve been looking at popular stops on the way to San Diego from home. There’s a lot of really cool places we could check out on our way.”

Lara Jean sighs, chewing on the inside of her cheek for a moment. Loosely she pulls her hair back to braid it. “About that…” She trails off, which manages to be enough to catch both of her sister’s attention. “I um, I’ve been wanting to talk to both of you about this.”

She pauses, tying off the end off her braid. “I’ve been talking to Peter,” She says. “Peter Kavinsky.”

“We didn’t need clarification, Lara Jean,” Kitty smirks, hiding her smile behind her glass of champagne. “And what about talking to him?”

“He offered to drive to San Diego with me,” She says. She feels like she’s speaking quicker now, trying to make her points before Margot immediately refutes the idea. “He’s doing his master’s out in San Diego and is coming home to visit, and he figured it would be better for everyone if he drove back with me.”

The room is eerily quiet, but Kitty is finding this all too amusing. She takes another sip of her champagne, offering to call in dinner.

“You didn’t tell me you were talking to Peter again,” Margot says when Kitty disappears into Lara Jean’s bedroom.

Lara Jean frowns. “I’m sorry. It just happened pretty quickly and he and I really don’t talk all that much.”

Margot nods. “And you think you’ll be okay driving with him? It was almost a week-long trip the way we planned it out.”

“I know,” Lara Jean nods. She sits up a little straighter. “He’s done the trip before, so he knows a general idea of where we’re going. And things have been better.”

Margot raises her eyebrows. “Better enough to be with him nonstop for a week?” She asks. “He really hurt you, Lara Jean. Your friendship was so strong until he ruined it.”

Lara Jean is quiet for a moment. “But it’s been better,” She insists. “We’re both more mature now. And besides, we’re going to be living in the same building.”

“Woah, Lara Jean, you did _not_ tell me that,” Kitty says as she walks back in the room. “Your apartment is in his building?”

“The one right below him,” She cringes, nodding quickly. “It was available and affordable and he assured me it’s in a great area. Close to the hospital, too.”

“Lara Jean,” Margot sighs. Lara Jean knows that voice. It’s the voice that tells her Margot is less than thrilled about this whole arrangement. That she’s skeptical of Peter, of the whole trip with him, and in some ways Lara Jean can’t blame her “Have you talked to Daddy about this?”

Lara Jean relents, shaking her head. “But he loves Peter.”

“ _Loved_ Peter,” Kitty interjects. “Now Owen is his favorite Kavinsky.”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. “He doesn’t hate Peter now. He made mistakes, sure, but Daddy is forgiving.”

“Maybe,” Margot sighs. “But I still think you’re being far too generous to Peter to even be considering driving to San Diego with him.”

Lara Jean nods. She knew what Margot would say. Margot has always been like this — predictable, straight to the point. And when she even let the idea sit in her brain about driving with Peter she knew it would be Margot that would be skeptical.

But Kitty sits up a little straighter, digging through her wallet for a tip for the delivery guy. “I don’t know, Lara Jean. I think it’d be kind of cool,” She shrugs. Lara Jean watches her pull money out, eyes shifting back to her older sisters. “You’d be traveling with someone you knew, and maybe that would be enough to push you to really talk about what happened.”

Lara Jean nods, grateful that this conversation is saved by the delivery guy at the door. Kitty answers gleefully, Lara Jean busies herself getting plates and cutlery, and Margot floats around the kitchen behind her sister, grabbing drinks and napkins and not really saying much of anything.

Lara Jean is just hoping the idea will grow on Margot.

_______________________________

Gabe arrives on Friday afternoon for a long weekend in San Diego ready to hit the bars.

Peter, who’s been working on his classwork and is currently swamped at his current job, offers to just stay in, at least for that night.

Gabe relents, but does request that they stop at the liquor store at the very least, which Peter obliges to with a smile on his face.

When they’re settled back at his apartment and talking over wings and pizza they ordered in, Gabe is the one who brings it up first. “So, how’s Covey? You two still talking?”

Peter deliberately takes another bite, smirking as he chews. “We are,” He nods, reaching for a napkin. “And I may have offered to drive from home back here with her when she moves out here in a few months.”

Gabe pauses, staring at Peter. It’s almost as if he’s waiting for Peter to say that he’s kidding, that he’s not that impulsive and he knows they need more time to fix everything between them before they’re ready for something as big as that.

Only those words never come.

Instead Peter sits there and waits for Gabe to say something — anything — hoping that he doesn’t kill him for doing something this impulsive.

“You’re being serious?” Gabe asks. He takes another bite of pizza, his gaze never leaving Peter’s.

Peter nods, chewing on the corner of his lip. “I know it’s impulsive. I know maybe it’s too soon and maybe I should’ve waited, but I just… I said it. And it didn’t feel wrong and she said she’d seriously think about it.”

Gabe nods. He wipes his mouth with a napkin, and then sighs. “I don’t think it’s a terrible idea,” He concedes. He laughs when Peter perks up. “But you need to apologize. For everything.”

“I’m aware,” Peter sighs. He sinks back into his chair. “I just don’t really know where to begin.”

“Begin with the truth,” Gabe says. They’ve both stopped eating now, the food between them long forgotten about. “Tell her why you pulled away. Tell her about your dad. Tell her that you were scared but you knew she was having so much fun at school and you didn’t want to bring her down.”

“It’s not going to be enough,” Peter shakes his head. “It’s not — Lara Jean deserves more than that.”

“She does,” Gabe agrees. “And you’ll give her that. But she deserves to know everything right from the beginning.”

“I made a huge mistake talking to her again, didn’t I? Letting myself get this attached.”

Gabe looks stricken, watching as Peter stands up and paces the kitchen. “No offense, but that’s the worst thing that’s ever come out of your mouth.”

Peter stops, turning to look at his best friend.

“Lara Jean was your best friend. For as long as I’ve known the two of you it’s been a package deal. And when that ended you were lost. You weren’t a good guy, Peter. You know that. You were going through a lot of shit, but you weren’t great.”

Peter nods.

“This is your chance to make this right. To show her that you’re changed now. That you remember your past and how bad you hurt her, but you want to do better this go around.”

Peter nods, letting the words sink in. “So what you’re saying is I should still follow through with this offer?”

The corner of Gabe’s mouth twitches. “You two have always had some pretty incredible adventures,” He shrugs. “A road trip sounds like the perfect addition to that list.”

Peter breathes a sigh of relief, laughing when Gabe pulls him in for a hug. “Apologize to her.”

Peter nods against his best friend’s shoulder, planning to do everything to keep that promise a reality.

_______________________________

Chris juggles making dinner and balancing her phone on a tin of beans while she and Lara Jean have their weekly FaceTime.

“So you’re actually talking to Kavinsky again?” She asks. Lara Jean cringes as she watches Chris’ hair falls in her face. “After everything that happened?”

“That was a long time ago,” Lara Jean mumbles. She reaches forward, pulling a fry from her takeout bag she and Naomi treated themselves with after successfully studying in the library for 8 hours. “Besides, we’re two different people now.”

Chris raises her eyebrows. “I’ve only known Kavinsky as one type of person,” She says, stirring the beans into the mixture. “And him changing seems kind of unlikely.”

Lara Jean can feel her blood pressure rising. She can feel the way she’s agitated, wishing that Chris would just _listen_ or accept that people don’t stay who they were before, but she knows it isn’t worth it.

“Well, things have been good so far. And I think I’m going to take him up on the offer of driving out to San Diego together.”

Chris pauses, eyes shifting back to her phone screen. “Tell me I heard you incorrectly over my dinner cooking,” She says, stirring when the pan starts to sizzle a little too much. “Tell me you didn’t just say that you were going to drive with him all the way to San Diego.”

Lara Jean furrows her eyebrows. “I said exactly that,” She says. “What’s so bad about that? I mean it’s not like he’s a stranger.”

“He hasn’t apologized!” Chris cries. “He pushed you away when you were only trying to help, basically ghosted you, and now that it’s been years you’re willing to just… to see where this goes?”

Lara Jean is silent for a moment. And then she nods. “I mean, yeah.”

Chris sighs on the other line. Lara Jean waits patiently, still a little too nervous to speak or say something that will somehow make things worse.

“Can you please just say _something_?” She finally asks when Chris moves away to grab a plate. “Even if it’s that you think I’m making a horrible decision. Just… I want you to say something.”

Chris stays silent, plating her dinner and grabbing her phone, walking over to the table. It takes a few moments, but she manages to prop it up on the napkin holder, staring back into the screen.

“Here’s the thing,” She begins, and Lara Jean can feel herself sit up straight and listen a little clearer. “I really do think this could be a memorable thing for you. And it’s _very_ out of your comfort zone.”

“I was going to have to drive across the country anyway,” Lara Jean points out. Chris shrugs, waving her hand in dismissal.

“Do I think you’re insane for giving him another chance when he hasn’t even apologized for the first time? Absolutely.” Lara Jean rolls her eyes as Chris takes another bite of her dinner. “But I love you, and I love that you’re willing to go on this kind of adventure. So, if you think going with Peter is the right move, I’m going to support it.”

Lara Jean breaks out into a grin, wishing she could reach through the screen and hug Chris immediately. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, did you know that?”

“While I think we’ll both agree that’s Peter’s title to win back, I’m flattered that I’m the chosen one for now,” Chris smiles.

Lara Jean waits until she’s off FaceTime with Chris. Until Dr. Covey texts her back and says he thinks it’s a great idea and it’d be great to see Peter again when they’re both back home. Until Margot promises that she’s not mad and that she wants to see all the pictures.

Then she walks back into the kitchen, suddenly feeling lighter on her feet, and gets to baking.

She has some good news to share.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys...i can't even tell you how much it means t me that you're all loving this story! i promise we are getting to them being together in person and peter talking about what happened!
> 
> you guys are all the best, seriously <3 
> 
> more next sunday!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Starving by Hailee Steinfeld :)


	4. say I'm just an old friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter arrives back home, Lara Jean graduates, and the road trip begins shaping up.

Peter arrives home from his longest day of work to find a package in the mailroom. He doesn’t look at it, assumes it’s from his mom, and drags himself back up to his apartment where the beer in the fridge is calling him.

Zach comes over with the greasiest burger he could find for dinner, glancing at the package. “You got a secret admirer?” He asks, setting the food down and walking to get himself a beer.

Peter glances back, shrugging. “Probably just something from my mom to hold me over until I get back home.”

Zach closes the fridge, furrowing his eyebrows. “Unless your mom now has super girly handwriting, I don’t think it’s from her.”

Intrigued, Peter tosses his tie onto the sofa and walks back over to where the package lay untouched on his kitchen counter.

He looks at the handwriting, immediately recognizing it. Even after all these years it looks the same. Perfect cursive, neatly dotted I’s and the scribbles that Peter used to tease her about coming off the end of her letters.

“Covey,” He mumbles under his breath, walking around the kitchen for the scissors.

“Covey?” Zach asks. He’s watching Peter carefully, eyes tracing his moves. “Who the hell is Covey?”

“Lara Jean,” Peter corrects, but he’s only half listening to what Zach is saying as he cuts through the tape holding the box together.

Zach is silent for a moment, and then it dawns on him. “Holy shit, it’s that girl you’ve been friends with forever, isn’t it?” He asks, stepping forward when Peter nods distractedly. “You’ve still been talking to her?”

“Yeah,” Peter mumbles, opening the box to find a Tupperware container full of chocolate chip and fruitcake cookies, an envelope resting on top.

He shakes his head, pulling out the envelope and moving to sit on the couch. Their dinner is left untouched on the island for now, quickly getting cold.

_Hi Peter,_

_Can’t wait to start this adventure with you :) consider this just the first of many gifts for you being so helpful to me with this move._

_37 days until we leave! (from when I’m writing this note. So shorter now)_

_Lara Jean xo_

He folds the page over, a map with a thick red line drawn through it staring back at him. He quickly realizes it’s a map, with stops planned and hotel ideas and Peter can only laugh, because of course this is how she decides to tell him that they’re going to be road tripping together, and of course she’s this organized about it already.

“Wait. Adventure?” Zach asks, reading the note as Peter studies the map. “Kavinsky, what the fuck did you agree to?”

Peter, who’s been half distracted by the fact that this care package is her way of saying that yes, she wants to go on the road trip with him, looks up at his best friend. “I told her I’d drive back to San Diego with her,” He shrugs. As if it’s what a normal person does when they reconnect with an old friend.

Zach stares at him for a moment, unrelenting. “So you’re flying home to visit family, and then you and her are just… you’re driving back here together?”

Peter nods, sighing. He stands up to get their dinner from where it’s been abandoned on the counter. “I figured it’d be easier on her family if I helped her move out here instead of her dad. She’s having most things shipped out here anyway, so we’re just going to be driving her car out.”

“I feel like I need to know the history behind the two of you now,” Zach muses, thanking Peter when he hands him his burger. “Obviously there’s way more than you’ve ever shared. God, Kavinsky, we’ve never even heard her _name_ before this all came about.”

Peter sighs, letting out a breath as he takes a bite of his burger. He knows he has two options: he can start from the beginning, tell Zach how he and Lara Jean were inseparable since kindergarten, how they were there for each other and it was him that pushed her away when he really needed her the most. Or he can say that it’s too long and too personal, and that all he needs to know is she’s an old friend who’s kind enough to give him a second chance.

“We were put into the same kindergarten class,” He begins. He plucks a fry from the bag between them. “Our moms came to the first day, and Lara Jean didn’t want to go into school. My mom said I should go say hi to her, so I did. We’ve kind of been friends ever since.”

Zach’s listening intently, the tinfoil from his burger rustling as he balls it up and tosses it back into the now empty bag.

“We grew up together from then on out. Went to everything together, tried the same sports, had the same friend group for a while. It was _always_ Peter and Lara Jean, and everyone knew that. Even when we were polar opposites in high school, people knew that we were always going to be friends and I expected Lara Jean to be invited to everything I was invited to.”

“So you dated then when you got older?”

“Never,” Peter says. A smile curls at the corner of his lips. “It wasn’t like that with Lara Jean. It was — she was like the sister I never had. The one person I could vent to and know that she would completely understand when Owen wouldn’t have because he was too young. Dating would’ve ruined that.”

“Well something ruined it,” Zach quips. He eats a stray fry left on his napkin.

Peter nods, stretching his arms out in front of him and sighing. He’s never talked about his issues with his dad with his San Diego friends before. They know he’s close with his mom and his dad isn’t in the picture, but saying anything else always felt too personal. Too exposed, too real.

And he doesn’t think it’s the right time now to bring it up.

“I had some really shitty family things go on in my teenage years. It slowed down for a while, and then when we were freshmen in college it got really bad,” He says quietly. His eyes stare at the dish soap container across the kitchen until it blurs. “Normally Lara Jean would’ve been my rock through that. Letting me vent to her, giving me advice. But for some reason it shook me up so bad that I pushed her away. I said some nasty things and told her I needed space and she wasn’t helping, and so she gave me space.”

“It was up to me to talk to her again. She’s always been great about giving me space and letting me dictate when I was ready. Except I never felt ready. I knew I hurt her, I knew that I was still hurting, and it didn’t seem fair for me to project everything onto her when I was so far away for school,” He breathes, feeling a little better talking about it again. “She checked in a few times, made sure I was okay, but it never went further than that. And then we turned into those friends who only text to wish the other a happy birthday.”

The room is silent for a moment, and Peter welcomes it. He thinks about everything he just confessed, how suddenly it doesn’t feel like there’s this weight on his chest of hiding so much of what happened to him and Lara Jean. It felt nice to tell someone other than his mom and Owen, even if Zach knew nothing about Lara Jean or the situation with his dad.

But Zach seems to understand all the same, standing up and grabbing their trash to throw out. “Maybe this trip will change all that,” He says simply, straight to the point. “And maybe it’ll sort out everything you two need to sort out. As long as you’re brutally honest.”

Peter nods, folding his hands together and leaning on the counter. “No more secrets with her. I’m going to be honest from now on, I’ve already told myself that.”

Zach nods, grabbing them both another beer and opening them. “Well, I can’t wait to meet her when you guys get back,” He smiles, clapping him on the back as he moves to go sit on the sofa.

Peter nods, following suit and agreeing to whatever movie Zach found on a channel. His brain is swirling with the thoughts of this road trip, and when Zach is halfway between awake and asleep on the other side of the couch after an equally long day, Peter studies the map again.

They’re really doing this.

_______________________________

It’s late when Zach leaves, but Peter texts Lara Jean anyway in the slim chance that maybe she’s still awake.

_FaceTime?_

He walks to his room, changing his t-shirt as his phone pings from the bed.

_Give me two minutes :)_

He smiles, changing into sweatpants, falling onto his bed just as Lara Jean calls him.

“You shocked I’m still awake?” She teases, but she’s not wearing makeup and for a moment Peter just wants to tell her to go to bed, that they don’t need to sit up and FaceTime just because he’s selfish and want to hear her voice.

“Med school has changed you,” He replies coolly, smiling when her laugh flutters through the room. “I got your package.”

Lara Jean goes serious for a moment, studying him. “Oh yeah?” She asks, and before he used to think he could tell whatever emotion she was feeling in the intonation of her voice. Now he’s not so sure. “What did you think?”

“I think you’re amazing for still remembering that fruitcake cookies are my favorite.”

And then the smile is back on her face, and she’s blushing as she shakes her head. “I don’t think I could ever forget that, Peter Kavinsky,” She says softly. “No one quite loves fruitcake cookies the way you do.”

Peter nods, holding his free hand up in surrender. “I also was surprised about the note. You chose me as your road trip partner?”

She nods eagerly, smiling. “If the offer still stands, of course.”

“Oh it does,” He nods. “What made you make that final decision?”

Lara Jean blows out a puff of air, smiling. “I guess it just made sense. I know it’s been a while between the two of us, but you’re not a stranger, Peter.”

Peter smiles at that, nodding. “I’m not,” He agrees, despite the feeling that there’s a million worlds between the two of them after so many years of not talking.

“So, I was thinking it would take us a week? That would give us time to stop places so we’re not driving straight through.”

Peter nods in agreement. “That works. And we’re taking turns driving?”

Lara Jean hesitates, and then nods. “I can’t have you do all the driving. This is my adventure, I need to experience it.”

“I like the confidence,” Peter nods, smiling. “But just so you know, if you hate it I’ll drive. I really don’t mind.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” She smiles, burrowing back into the pillows and masking a yawn. “So you’re saying yes to the adventure?”

“I’m absolutely saying yes to the adventure,” He nods, and when Lara Jean is fighting sleep he cuts the conversation short. “Go get some sleep. We can talk about it more later,” He says.

To his surprise, Lara Jean doesn’t protest. She nods and says goodnight and ends the FaceTime call, and Peter lets his phone fall to the bed, smiling up at the ceiling like an idiot.

He’s really about to go on an adventure with Lara Jean Covey. The kind of adventure they had once only dreamed about when they were little kids.

_______________________________

“My daughter is a med school graduate!”

Dr. Covey pops the champagne in the backyard of their home, Lara Jean laughing as she rolls her eyes.

Graduation was a few days prior, and with the help of Trina and her dad, she moved out of her apartment with Naomi in record time. She and Naomi shared tears in their living room one final time, hugging and promising that a trip to San Diego was definitely on the cards for her.

“I want to hear all about you and Peter,” She smiles when Dr. Covey announces that he and Trina are going to go down to the car, a smirk on Naomi’s face. “Daily road trip updates, if at all possible.”

“You’ll get them,” Lara Jean promises, rolling her eyes and hugging her again for good measure.

She sits in the backseat of her dad’s car watching UNC pass by beside them, the familiar sidewalks now no longer her home. She smiles at the memories, tears flooding in her eyes when she manages to text Naomi a crying emoji that this chapter together is really over.

Being back home is familiar. Margot’s in town to celebrate Lara Jean graduating, and sharing a bathroom with Kitty has been welcomed so far in the few days she’s been back. It’s temporary, she keeps telling herself, and so she needs to savor these moments before she’s off to San Diego to complete her residency in a place she once dreamed of going.

Peter’s coming home in three days. He’s been texting her about it, requesting that they meet for coffee or something at least once before they leave, and Lara Jean agreed without hesitation. She’s trying not to think too much about it in fear she’ll overthink things, but the closer they get to see each other in person again, the more she fears that this will all go horribly wrong.

“I can’t believe that you’re already leaving us in a few days!” Trina sighs, taking a sip of champagne. “I thought we’d have you back for a little while!”

“I know,” Lara Jean frowns. “I tried to make it work that I’d have more time home, but it just wouldn’t work out.”

“Well, I can’t wait to see Peter again and hear what he’s been up to,” Dr. Covey interjects, and Lara Jean manages to bite her tongue to not remind her dad that she’s an adult now and she knows Peter has changed since they grew apart a few years ago.

“I’ll be sure to bring him by before we leave,” She agrees, ignoring Margot’s pointed stare at her sister’s words. Lara Jean knows she’s still upset that she’s no longer going on the road trip with her, but she hasn’t said anything and so Lara Jean hasn’t quite figured out how to bring it up to her so they can talk through their differences.

“Have you thought about what you’ll do if you and Peter don’t get along the way you’re so sure you’re going to?” Margot asks after a moment.

Lara Jean notices the stares from her family. “I haven’t thought about that, no,” She admits quietly, taking a sip of her wine. “But we’ve been FaceTiming a lot since we’ve been back in touch. I would think if we weren’t going to get along the way I think we will it would’ve come up by now.”

“But you can’t be sure.”

“Is this because I told you I was going to drive with him instead?” Lara Jean asks. Dr. Covey looks like he’s going to step forward and stop the fight, but Trina rests her hand on his arm, stopping him. “Margot, I’ve said I was sorry about a million times. I don’t know what else I can do. I just thought it’d be easier since he’s going back out there anyway.”

“I just thought that it would be a good sister bonding activity,” Margot sighs. “But I get it. I’m not mad.”

Lara Jean is hesitant to believe that, but as she stands around the backyard and can feel the mood deflating, she chooses to believe it. “Okay,” She nods, and lets Trina lead the conversation in another direction that is decidedly happier and not at all about the impending road trip.

Lara Jean stands around the backyard with her family and laughs about the last few years of med school and how out of all of them it’s Lara Jean moving across the country, and for now she’s going to soak in these moments where it’s just the five of them and nothing else matters and hope that one day Margot will realize that Lara Jean did what she felt was right right in that moment.

_______________________________

There’s a certain feeling Peter gets when he steps off the plane back home.

He’s never quite been able to explain it, but it’s familiar and welcoming and his body just manages to relax realizing that he’s home and back with his mom and Owen and everything feels complete again.

Not unlike any other time, his mom is waiting in baggage claim for him. She looks the same, Peter thinks, arms crossed over her chest as she searches the crowd of people for her son. She and Peter lock eyes, and the furrowed brows are replaced by a beaming smile and a quicker pace to meet up with him, gathering him in his arms despite him being much taller.

“I’ve missed my boy,” She says against his shoulder, hands rubbing his back before he pulls away. “The flight was okay?”

“Fine,” Peter nods, grabbing his bag from baggage claim and following her back to the car. “Is Owen at home?”

“He is,” She nods, helping him throw his things into the back of the car. “I couldn’t entice him with a trip to the airport.”

Peter laughs, slipping into the passenger seat with ease. His mom navigates through the traffic and back onto the highway, turning the car radio on for noise before she turns it down once more.

“So tell me more about this road trip,” She smiles, glancing over at Peter. “You and Lara Jean again?”

Peter nods, smiling. “She got into UCSD for her residency,” He says, his fingers tapping on his thigh. “I saw her status about it on Facebook, But she beat me to it and messaged me first about getting in touch since she found out I’m living in San Diego.”

His mom nods, but the smile is evident on her face and Peter can’t help but roll his eyes. “I know you’re thrilled that she and I are talking again.”

“Lara Jean was just always so great to you,” She says, almost as if she had been holding it in the entire night. “You two were thick as thieves growing up, and I hated seeing you guys lose that when you went to college.”

“It was my fault,” He replies lamely, but his mom is shaking her head, waving with her free hand.

“You cannot blame yourself. You were going through a lot and you hit a breaking point and shut down. It happens,” She says coolly. “But you can make it right now.”

“I will,” Peter nods.

“I know you will,” His mom smiles. She stops at a red light, looking over at her eldest. “I’m glad you two are talking again. You seem happier. Maybe this will do you some good.”

Peter isn’t sure what to say, and so he nods instead. Because everything she’s saying is true, that he does feel like this is a good turning point for him in his life, one that he’s needed since moving out to San Diego for his master’s.

He rests his head against the cool window, watches as his mom turns the music back up and hums along, and then turns to watch the trees pass by and the familiar streets he once spent hours on making up adventures with Lara Jean pass by with ease. There is a familiarity about being home, but this time he’s going to see Lara Jean Covey again, and a new chapter in their lives will begin.

One he hopes will be filled with laughter, a rekindled friendship, happy memories, and stories from this road trip that will stick with them for the rest of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the comments/kudos/bookmarks! i'm so glad you guys are enjoying it :) 
> 
> what did we all think of the TATB2 trailer?! i am SO EXCITED.
> 
> more next sunday! have a good holiday if you celebrate this week! :) <3 <3 <3
> 
> title of the chapter is from All Love by Fletcher :)


	5. all I think about is where I went wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Lara Jean see each other in person for the first time this year, and they begin to say their goodbyes to friends.

Peter Kavinsky looks exactly the same.

Lara Jean has been at the cafe for a good 20 minutes before she agreed to meet Peter, mostly because her own nerves decided that she needed some alone time.

She’s been poking around on his Facebook for the majority of the time, looking through his photos and his life in San Diego. He had a lot of friends, true to Peter Kavinsky form, but he seemed happy. Like maybe moving across the country did him good that Lara Jean couldn’t even begin to understand.

And then he walks in and she scrambles to shut the Facebook app on her phone, looking over with a smile on her face. “Peter!” She calls, his eyes meeting hers as he raises his eyebrows, smiling and walking over.

His hugs feel the same. Familiar, warm, safe. He holds her for a moment, fingers dancing along her back before he pulls away. “Did you get something to drink?” He asks, and all Lara Jean can manage to do is shake her head.

“I’ll get us both something. Chai latte?” He asks.

“How did you remember that?” She squeaks out, sitting back down in her chair.

Peter smiles, digging his wallet from his back pocket. “I remember everything, Lara Jean,” He says quietly, and before Lara Jean can answer he’s weaving through the few people waiting for their drinks, ordering both of theirs.

When he returns with both of their drinks Lara Jean thanks him softly, taking a minute to look at his features. He looks older, more mature, she decides after a moment. His once clean shaven face is replaced with the tiniest bit of stubble lining his cheeks. He looks tired, Lara Jean thinks after a moment, light bags under his eyes.

But he looks happy. He takes a sip of his drink, eyebrows raising over the lip of his cup. “You cut your hair.”

Lara Jean is so caught off guard by his voice cutting through the otherwise quiet table that she sits back, shaking her head in disbelief. “No, yeah, I did,” She nods, subconsciously running her fingers through her hair. “Did you not notice in FaceTimes?”

“You’re usually half asleep when we’re FaceTiming,” He points out, a smirk etched on his face. “Or your hair is pulled up.”

“Fair enough,” She nods, reaching for her drink once more. “So, how has visiting home been?”

“Busy,” He sighs. His fingers tap along the table, his legs shaking beneath it. “I feel like there’s a million people I have to see and not enough time to do it. Then the guys want to go out and get drinks while I’m here, but I’m not made of money, you know? It’s just… it’s been a lot,” He admits. He takes another sip, and then looks back at her. “How has packing been?”

“Oh, well I’m almost done. Since we’re shipping my stuff it has to be done pretty early,” She shrugs. “But it’s weird seeing my life in boxes again.”

Peter nods in understanding. “It’s hard at first, but I promise you’re going to love San Diego.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“It is a _very_ Lara Jean city,” He smiles, and for a moment it feels like no time has passed at all.

Conversation flows easily for a while. They talk about their respective lives, what they’ve been doing since they’ve last talked. Peter charms her in ways he used to be able to when they were younger, and Lara Jean hates that she’s laughed at most of his jokes that she used to find annoying.

“So, this road trip,” Peter muses, a smile on his face. “I’ve been thinking about it and the map you sent me.”

“And?” Lara Jean interjects. She reaches for a piece of the brownie she bought them so they didn’t overstay their welcome.

“Why does there have to be an and?”

“Because there always is with you?” Lara Jean smirks. She leans back in her chair, running her fingers through her hair. “And you wouldn’t have brought it up if you didn’t have something else you wanted to say. Which if it’s that you’re canceling coming with me, please tell me now.”

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily, Covey,” Peter smiles, mimicking her actions as he leans back in his chair. “No, I was just thinking that maybe instead of hotels every night we look for AirBnB’s?”

Lara Jean is silent for a moment. The thought is running rampant through her mind, but mostly all that springs to mind is how worried that makes her feel that they’d be staying in strangers houses.

“Look, it’s cheaper than hotels most of the time,” Peter adds on when she realizes she’s not going to say anything. He digs his phone from his pocket, typing before turning his screen to face her. “And there are really cute places. Little apartments of your dreams.”

Lara Jean watches as he flips through photos of a place in San Diego for reference, chewing on the corner of her lip. “You promise that they’re safe? That nothing will happen to us?”

Her voice is timid, and for a moment Peter thinks back to the day before they both left for college, where they sat in the treehouse for hours talking about their fears about moving away.

He pulls back, making eye contact with her. “I promise you, they’re safe,” He says slowly, watching her. “I’ve stayed in so many over the years, and I’m okay, right?”

Lara Jean hesitates, and then nods.

“Lara Jean, I know it’s been years and there’s a lot that I have to apologize for, but I would _never_ put us in a situation that wasn’t safe.”

“I know,” Lara Jean whispers. Carefully she reaches for the phone, scrolling through more places. “I don’t want to talk about us right now. About all that went wrong.”

“Later,” Peter promises. “There’s a lot I have to apologize for.”

“I know,” Lara Jean nods. “But not… not yet.”

Peter nods, wishing he could find the right words that never seem to come to fruition.

“Is it too soon to tell you maybe we should be more spontaneous?” He tries, relaxing when Lara Jean’s laughter floats through the cafe over the music.

“Spontaneous how?”

“I don’t know, more go with the flow with the driving!” He says. He takes his phone back, locking it and putting it back in his pocket. “Like say one morning we wake up and feel like taking our time. Will it kill you to just go with the flow? See where we land?”

Lara Jean is quiet, and for most of the silence Peter thinks he’s taken it a step too far. The Lara Jean he knows likes order. She likes to know where they’re going and at what time, and it’s been his saving grace on more than one occasion.

But this doesn't have to be one of those occasions, and somehow he wants to get her to agree.

“I have to be there by Sunday night. I have orientation Monday.”

The fear dissipates into a smile on Peter’s face as he nods eagerly, holding his hands up. “We will be there by Sunday night.”

Lara Jean nods, biting her lip to hide her smile. “Then a more spontaneous Lara Jean is yours,” She says. “But don’t take advantage of that!”

“Oh Covey, I won’t. But I will be testing it,” He smiles, earning a shake of the head and the smallest of laughs from his former best friend.

He waits a moment, and then leans forward and rests his hand on her arm. “I’m really glad we’re talking again. And that we’re going on this adventure.”

A smile spreads across Lara Jean’s face, her cheeks blushing. “Me too, Peter,” She says.

She’s never felt more sincere.

_______________________________

  
Claire Kavinsky stands in the doorway of her eldest son’s room, watching him pack his bags once again.

“I can’t believe it’s already time for you to leave me again,” She sighs, crossing her arms over her chest. “I feel like we just got you back in town.”

Peter turns, smiling over his shoulder. “I’m not leaving just yet. We still have two more days together before Lara Jean and I leave.”

“I know,” She nods, stepping into the room. She folds a shirt idly, watching her son. “I just miss you, is all. But you know I’m proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone. Moving away. Just as long as you promise to keep coming back.”

“Always,” He nods, tossing a shirt into his bag.

The room falls silent for a moment. Claire folds another one of his shirts, neatly putting it on top of the pile. Peter hums under his breath, folding shorts and leaving some out to wear to start their journey, enjoying the company he has with his mom.

“I’m really glad you’re doing this adventure with Lara Jean, my love,” She says after a moment. She takes a step back, walking over to Peter’s bookshelves. Peter watches her, noticing the way she looks at the photos he hasn’t changed in years, picking the frame up with he and Lara Jean as kids. “You two have always been the best pair.”

“Until I ruined it,” He mumbles. It’s a passing comment, he thinks, to just say it and keep moving. He doesn’t try to justify it, mostly just expecting that his mom will ignore it, but instead she turns.

“What do you mean you ruined it?”

Peter sighs. He tosses his bag back onto the ground, a lame promise to finish packing it later, and falls onto his bed. “You know,” He says, gesturing with his hand. “How I pushed her away?”

“You were scared.”

“That’s not a good reason,” Peter retorts. He leans up on his elbows, eyes watching his mom carefully. “Lara Jean knew everything. Out of everyone I could’ve pushed away, it shouldn’t have been her.”

Claire is silent for a moment, the frame still resting in her hands as she walks over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. “Your dad put you through a lot that year,” She says softly. “You did the only thing you knew how to do — you pushed everyone away.”

“Not intentionally.”

“No, definitely not,” She smiles. “My point is, Lara Jean is not the only person you pushed out of your life in that time period.” She reaches forward, resting her hand on his leg. “You made amends with everyone you shoved away in those few months. Now is your time to make those amends with Lara Jean.”

Peter nods, taking a breath. “And if this road trip goes horribly wrong?” He asks timidly. It’s the first bit of apprehensiveness he’s shown about the road trip, catching his mom off guard.

“Well first of all, it won’t,” She smiles reassuringly. “But if it does, at least you’ll have the memories.”

“Thanks for the reassurance,” He laughs, pushing her hand away when she ruffles his hair.

“Stop worrying about it. Think about how you’re going to have the best time with your best friend,” She smiles.

Without another word she stands up and leaves his room, closing the door behind her. Peter picks up the frame she left behind on the bed and stares at the photo of he and Lara Jean from first grade with their toothless smiles, remembering how happy the two of them were then.

He’s determined to get back to that.

_______________________________

Chris declares a day of drinking at her apartment two days before Lara Jean leaves.

Lara Jean protests the drinking part, mostly because she has a million things left to do and feels like there isn’t enough time to do it, but when Chris opens the door and shoves a glass of wine into her hand without a word, she obliges and tells herself she’ll only have one glass.

Which turns into two, and then three as they fall onto the sofa, slightly wine drunk as they laugh about their dumb memories in high school. There are thousands of them, Lara Jean knows, and her heart squeezes at the thought of not being close enough to her best friend to have these kinds of nights together whenever she needs them.

“I still can’t believe you’re moving to San Diego,” Chris says quietly, twisting a piece of her hair around her finger. “You’re going to be all the way across the country from me.”

Lara Jean sighs, taking another sip of her wine. “Yeah, but you’ll come visit, right?”

Without hesitation, Chris agrees. She’s been planning out trips since Lara Jean found out she was accepted, and there’s nothing that’s going to stop her from at least making a few of them a reality.

“I’m going to come, but now that you and Kavinsky are all buddy buddy again I’ll probably be back to feeling like the third wheel.”

“You never felt like that, did you?” Lara Jean frowns, relaxing when Chris smiles and shakes her head. “And besides, we may never repair our friendship if this road trip goes horribly wrong.”

“Oh please,” Chris sighs. From her spot on the opposite side of the sofa she shifts, sitting up. “You and Kavinsky are two peas in a pod. It was a matter of time before you and him fixed whatever the hell is going on with the two of you. And now is that time.”

“Maybe,” Lara Jean decides. She’s trying to be super nonchalant about it, not getting her hopes up. She got her hopes up every school break, but those breaks she’d only see Owen and a text from Peter was never received.

This is different, she realizes that, but so much of it feels the same that it feels difficult to psych herself up to hope that she and Peter will magically be best friends again after all of this. Road trips are a big deal, especially one across the country that is filled with so much unsaid between the two people that are the participants of the road trip.

“You’re still going to come home for holidays though, right?”

“I think so,” Lara Jean nods. It’s something she still needs to look into, but if it doesn’t work out she’s already proposing that Chris come and stay with her to make the holidays feel a little bit more like home. “And besides, we’re going to FaceTime all the time like we do now.”

“For sure,” Chris agrees. She leans back, finishes off the last of her glass of wine, and turns on a chick flick she knows Lara Jean loves that she can just tolerate. It’s their idea of a perfect last night together, and if you asked Lara Jean, she couldn’t imagine it going any other way.

When it turns to well after midnight and Lara Jean is close to dozing off, she orders herself an Uber. She and Chris stand on the sidewalk outside of Chris’ apartment building embracing for what feels like hours, tears welling in the back of both of their eyes.

“I want daily updates on this road trip,” Chris mumbles against Lara Jean’s shoulder, tightening her embrace. “The good, the bad. What the fuck is going on with you and Kavinsky.”

Lara Jean laughs, nodding as she pulls away. “You’ll get all the updates you can handle, I promise,” She says, both girls laughing as they cry, embracing again. “You’ll come visit me?”

“Of course, LJ. I would take any excuse to come to San Diego, but especially if it means coming to see you.”

Lara Jean nods, trying to remember the way Chris feels when she’s hugging her before her Uber arrives and Lara Jean slides into the back seat.

Lara Jean watches out the back windshield as her Uber takes off down the street, Chris disappearing into the night. She leans back against the seat, answers a few texts, and then notices one from Chris that just came in.

_Miss you already. So proud of you xo_

She spends the rest of the ride trying not to cry, wondering how any of these goodbyes are meant to get easier.

_______________________________

Goodbyes are routine for Peter.

He’s been doing them for a year now, the tears have mostly settled when he leaves now, and it’s not as difficult as he imagines it is for Lara Jean this go around.

He and Gabe have made it a tradition to get beer and wings on their final night together before Peter leaves, a tradition that isn’t forgotten about this go around. Together they slide into a booth in the overcrowded sports bar, glancing at the menus before ordering.

“It’s weird to me that you’re leaving in a few days, but you’re not flying back,” Gabe says, thanking the waitress as she leaves their beers in front of them. “I’m so used to you being back in San Diego in a few hours.”

Peter nods, smiling as he takes a swig of his beer. “It’s hard to wrap my brain around,” He admits. “I thought the next time I’d do a cross country drive is when I move back home.”

“So you are coming back,” Gabe smirks, raising his eyebrows. “We have bets on ifs you’ll actually come back to us.”

“I’m coming back,” Peter says. “I just don’t have a timeframe.”

Gabe laughs, shaking his head as he takes another swig of his beer. “Is it weird talking to Covey again? Thinking about how you’re going to spend the next week traveling the country with her?”

Peter begins to say that he doesn’t find it that odd, but stops himself. Because yeah, it is weird. And it’s not something he ever thought he was going to get to do when he thought about it.

“I think it’ll give us a chance to really work through everything. For me to show her that I’ve changed, but I can still be that Peter she's known since we were 5.”

Gabe nods, leaning back when the waitress brings their wings out to them. “You can do that, you know. Win her back as your best friend,” He says, gesturing towards Peter. “You don’t have to be over the top with it. You fixed things with us, now do it with her.”

“You know it’s not the same with Lara Jean though,” Peter sighs. He takes a bite of his wing, chewing methodically. “She… she’s different. And I’m nervous that if I don’t figure out a way to fix this, it’s going to be the longest week where all we do is think about how much better things were in the past before college.”

Gabe doesn’t say anything for a moment, reaching for the last of his beer. He gestures towards the waiter, who nods and moves to get them both another beer. “You have to stop second guessing yourself. You know it as well as I do that Lara Jean isn’t here for you to make some grand gesture. She likes that sometimes, but you’re trying to apologize to her. Not impress her. She knows you, now just show her that you’re still that guy.” He pauses, thanking the waiter for their beers. “And for the love of god, fucking apologize for being a dick.”

Peter laughs, shaking his head. “I’m going to, don’t worry.”

Gabe nods, shifting the conversation to work and school and what kind of job he thinks he’s going to get whenever he decides to come home. It’s lighter, feels like no time has passed at all, and after they pay the bill and slowly make their way towards the door, it’s Peter who doesn’t want this moment to end.

Gabe turns back and rolls his eyes, pulling Peter in for a hug. “Have fun on this adventure. Text me how things are going, or at least let me know you’re both still alive.”

Peter laughs against Gabe’s shoulder, clapping his back and stepping away. “You’ll hear how things are going, I promise,” He says, earning a smile from Gabe. “I trust you’ll be out to visit soon?”

“As soon as my boss lets me take some days off I’ll be there,” Gabe promises. “And I hope that will involve at least a dinner with Covey. Because things will be good with you guys.”

“We can only hope,” Peter smiles.

He and Gabe hug once more, moving to their cars and driving home. Peter turns on a playlist and leaves it on as background music, but all he can think about is how in two days he and his former best friend are starting the journey of a lifetime, and how it’s up to him to make it memorable for all the right reasons.

He sincerely hopes he can pull through, at least for Lara Jean’s sake more than his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> road trip starts next chapter!! i'm sorry for dragging it out omg that was mean of me. but they finally saw each other in person :)
> 
> thank you guys for all the love/kudos/comments/bookmarks! you guys are all the best <3 <3 <3
> 
> more next week!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Want You Back by 5 Seconds of Summer


	6. I went across the country

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Lara Jean spend the final nights with their families and the road trip begins.

Lara Jean’s final night home is planned to be a night with her sisters.

Margot vows to spend the night back at their childhood home, and with Kitty home from college it’s the last Covey sisters night they can have before Lara Jean it’s gone for most of the year.

What hadn’t been shipped off in boxes earlier in the week is now packed in bags, Lara Jean doing one more sweep of her room before joining her sisters in the living room. In true Covey fashion they’re having a sleepover on the sofas, watching chick flicks and laughing into the early hours of the morning over nothing. It was everything Lara Jean could’ve wished for with one more night left back east, and she found herself reveling in the small moments that used to mean nothing.

Like when Margot spreads out on the kitchen island and makes them a new cocktail her friend taught her a few weeks before, and Kitty declares that it has way too much alcohol for her liking, which is really saying something. Or when she and Margot fight over which movie to watch first before Margot wins with her choice of _Sixteen Candles_ beating out Lara Jean’s contribution of _A Walk To Remember._

She curls up in her usual spot on the sofa and listens to Kitty and Margot bicker about the movie, taking a sip of her drink. There’s a popcorn bowl resting on the coffee table between the three girls, mostly forgotten about as they enjoy the movie and talk about their lives so far.

“I can’t believe we won’t have another one of these nights until Christmas,” Kitty says when _Sixteen Candles_ ends, watching Lara Jean as she moves to turn on her choice. “I feel like we’ve been doing them forever.”

“Because we have,” Margot smiles, unwrapping herself from her blankets and grabbing the popcorn bowl to go make more. “We’ve been doing them ever since you were old enough to remember.”

“I’m going to miss them,” Kitty confess. She shifts under her blankets, yawning. “Even if I did them with just you, Go Go, it wouldn’t feel the same without Lara Jean.”

“I agree,” Margot nods. She pops another bag of popcorn in the microwave, turning to look at her sisters. “But Lara Jean has a big opportunity and we need to let her spread her wings a little bit. Just as long as she promises to come back.”

“I will always come back,” Lara Jean pipes up, pausing the movie and returning to her spot on the sofa. “Just like Margot came back from Scotland, I will come back from San Diego.”

Margot places the popcorn bowl back in the middle, watching as Kitty leans forward to take a handful. “She’s going to come back in love with Peter Kavinsky,” Kitty teases, and normally where Margot would tell her to stop is instead replaced by a smile poorly hidden behind her drink from Margot.

“I don’t think we’re going to fall in love,” Lara Jean tries weakly, but it’s not convincing and instead she burrows under her blanket, sighing. “We’re a long ways away from me even wanting to be friends with him again.”

Margot leans forward for the remote, hitting play. “Just keep an open mind, Lara Jean. This could be a really good trip if you’ll just let it.”

Lara Jean nods, grateful that the movie begins and she doesn’t have to say anything else.

She pushes Peter out of her mind, sinks into the sofa and fights her tired eyes, thinking about how it’s her last night and she wants to remember ever single moment of what it feels like to be surrounded by people who are so safe and comforting to her that she never has to feel like she’s entering something she shouldn’t be.

She doesn’t know how she’s going to survive without them in San Diego.

_______________________________

Peter’s trying to be a better brother.

He’s not the best, he knows that, but he’s trying to do better at being there for Owen. They’ve been through the same experiences, gone through the same things, and Peter was awful through all of that. So he figures the least he can do is make it up to him now, be there for him more, actually spend time with him when he’s home instead of running off to be with his friends.

Which is why he spends his last night in town with Owen watching movies, laughing about the dumb jokes littered through and looking through the Instagram of the girl Owen’s been plucking up the courage to ask out on a date when they get back to school.

“Be honest, you miss me when I’m not around,” Peter says as he leans back against the pillows, watching as Owen locks his phone and lets hit fall onto the cushion beside him. “You can’t tell me that you ask mom for advice on these girls you want to date.”

“I don’t,” Owen smiles, turning back to his brother. “But I’m also at school when I’m thinking about asking them out. So Mom doesn’t know most of the time.”

Peter smiles, reaching forward for his drink. “You’re going to ask her out when you’re back, right? Or at least keep talking to her over the summer.”

Owen hesitates. “I don’t know. It could backfire and she’s a good friend.”

“Owen,” Peter sighs, sitting up. “You can’t just not ask her out because you want to stay friends with her. If you think there’s something there and that she feels the same way, then act on it. You never know how it could turn out.

Owen is quiet for a moment, turning back to look at Peter. “I’ll ask her out when you ask Lara Jean out.”

Peter sighs, shaking his head. “This is not even on the same realm as you and this girl and you know it,” He argues. Sitting up a little straighter, he sighs. “We may not even be friends again after this, you don’t know.”

“Come on, you know you guys are going to make up and have some stupid moment together like you always do.”

Peter sighs. “Yeah, but I fucked it up big time this time around.”

“Didn’t we all?” Owen retorts. He shifts, sitting up to face his brother. “Peter, that was a really shitty time in our life. And you shouldn’t have pushed her away, because out of all people she would’ve been the one to understand, but that doesn’t mean that you weren’t warranted to feel like you needed to do that alone.”

Peter chews on the corner of his lip. “It makes it worse that you didn’t push Kitty away,” Peter laughs, shaking his head. “Fuck, why did you have to be the better Kavinsky? You and Kitty are still best friends."

“We all have our flaws,” Owen says, hiding his smile as Peter throws a pillow at him. “I’m serious though, Peter. You can make this right and be best friends with her again.” Owen shifts, leaning back to face the TV. “And when that happens — I’ll let you wait to make your move to date her — then I will ask this girl out.”

Peter lets it sink into his brain for a minute, and then reaches his hand out for Owen to shake. “Deal. When I’m friends with Lara Jean again, you will ask this girl out. And I will hear all about it.”

Owen nods, shaking his brother’s hand.

It’s the one promise Peter feels like he can live up to.

—

It’s the first time Peter can remember not wanting the night to end.

He doesn't know if it’s because he and Owen are at a stage of their life where they don’t feel like they’re forced to hang out, but he finds it hard to leave Owen now. And going to bed means he’s leaving in the morning, which means being far away from his mom and brother and everything he really knows.

“Hey, you and Kitty should come visit us sometime now that Lara Jean will be out there,” Peter offers, taking his time cleaning up the living room as Owen follows suit.

Owen nods, smiling. “I think that would be fun. Maybe on one of our school breaks.”

“Lara Jean would probably love that.”

“So would you,” Owen smirks. He loads the dishwasher silently. “It’s weird that you’re still living out there,” He says after a moment, turning to look at Peter. “Still firm on moving back here?”

“Definitely,” Peter promises. He claps his brother’s back, and then squeezes his shoulder. “I’ll be back here before you know it. Then you’ll wish I was back in San Diego.”

“I don’t know,” Owen shrugs. He shuts the dishwasher, turning to lean back against the counter. “I think I like it better when the three of us are all in one place. It’s nice for Mom, too.”

“It is,” Peter smiles. He hesitates for a moment, and then leans forward, pulling Owen in for a hug. “I love you, kid. And if I don't tell you enough, I’m proud of you.”

“Sentimental Peter has returned,” Owen smiles, hugging Peter back. “I love you, too.”

They pull apart, shutting the lights off and making their way upstairs. Peter waits until Owen’s door clicks, walking into his own room and falling onto his bed.

A huge adventure starts in the morning, and for as worried as he’s been about it the last few weeks, he finds himself falling asleep excited to see where this will take his and Lara Jean’s relationship.

_______________________________

On the third attempt of making the car look neatly packed with the last of her things, Lara Jean surrenders and lets her dad take over.

Dan stands at the back of the car in pride, admiring his work as Lara Jean wishes that Peter would show up so they can just get on the road before she has a breakdown. “See? It wasn’t so bad!” He says, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “And there’s still a space left for Peter to put his bag.”

Lara Jean sighs, turning when a car pulls up behind them. Peter jumps out, his mom and Owen following behind as she talks to Dan and Owen gravitates to Kitty while Peter puts his bag in. “I’m impressed by the packing of this car,” He smirks, shutting the back hatch and laughing when Lara Jean groans.

“My dad did it. And please don’t get him started, he’s already boasting about how easy it was for him.”

Peter’s smile grows wider, turning back to stand in a circle with their parents. “We’re going to have to get going soon. Beat traffic and all that,” Peter says, his mom turning back with a smile on her face.

“I’m glad you and Peter are going on this adventure,” Mrs. Kavinsky says, taking a step forward. She takes Lara Jean’s hands in hers, squeezing gently. “I know you two will be fine, but be safe, okay? Call me or your dad if you need anything at all, no matter what time it is.”

Lara Jean’s heart squeezes as she nods. For a minute she feels 18 again, like maybe it’s the morning Lara Jean left for UNC with tears in her eyes and her heart shattering because it meant being so far away from Peter and the Coveys. The same morning she fell into Mrs. Kavinsky’s arms and didn’t want to let go because it meant that she was going to be away from the people who had become her security blankets.

But now Mrs. Kavinsky pulls her in for a hug, her hands running across her back lightly. And Lara Jean finds herself leaning into her touch, taking a deep breath.

“Your mom would be so proud,” Mrs. Kavinsky mumbles as she pulls away, brushing her hand across the wisps of Lara Jean’s hair. There’s a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, and sincerity flashing through her eyes. “I’m so proud of you. You’re going to shine at your residency.”

“Thank you,” Lara Jean smiles, and after one more quick hug Lara Jean takes a step back, watching as Peter steps forward.

“Be safe, my love. Call at every stop, please?” She says, and as Lara Jean watches Peter nod and walk over to hug her and then Owen, she makes eye contact with her dad.

He smiles, watching as Lara Jean walks forward and falls against his chest. Her bottom lip is wobbling as he holds her, his lips pressing to her hair. “You’re going to absolutely kill it at your residency,” He says softly. His grip is firm around her, making her feel grounded. “I’m so proud of you. Your mom would be over the moon.”

Lara Jean chokes on a laughing, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m going to miss you guys.”

“We’ll miss you too, kiddo. But we’ll be out to visit soon, okay? And you’ll be so busy that you’ll forget about us.”

“Never,” She promises. Reluctantly she lets go, walking over to hug Trina first, and then Margot and Kitty. They’ve been prolonging their goodbye, the three Covey sisters standing at the end of their front walk with tears in their eyes and promises that they’ll all be back together soon.

Peter waits patiently, a smile on his face as he says goodbye to the Coveys as if no time had passed at all, climbing into the drivers seat as an offer.

“We’ll talk to you guys tonight,” Dan smile as he leans in the passenger window, looking back at the boy he’s known for so many years. “Take care of my girl. Both of you be safe.”

“We will,” Peter says, turning the car on and shifting it into drive.

Lara Jean cranes her neck and watches their families wave goodbye until they’re specks in the distance, chewing on her lip to stop from crying.

Peter pauses at a stop sign, looking over at her. “It’ll get easier,” He promises, squeezing Lara Jean’s arm as she nods feverishly. “There’s just one more stop we have to make before we really leave town.”

—

The Corner Cafe is semi-crowded when they walk through the doors, Jane the waitress smiling at them. “Go ahead and pick your table,” She says with a smile, to which Peter thanks her and leads Lara Jean to the table they used to come to after every school dance.

“We haven’t been here together in years, and it seems fitting that this would be our last stop out of town,” He says, sinking into the chair and flipping through the menu.

He orders a plate of fries for the table, a chocolate milkshake for himself and Lara Jean a Cherry Coke, handing the menus to Jane with a smile.

“It’s a little early for fries,” She says weakly, but Peter just smiles and shakes his head.

“We can’t come here and not share a plate of fries,” He counters, to which Lara Jean sighs and nods, feeling defeated at his argument.

Jane sets the plate of fries down between the two of them, Peter thanking her when he swallows his sip of milkshake. She offers to bring them anything else, and then promptly leaves them be when Peter says they have everything they need with a smile.

“How does it feel being here for the last time in a while?” He asks, dragging a French fry through the ketchup on his small serving plate.

Lara Jean plucks a fry from the top and pops it into her mouth, looking around the diner. “Weird,” She decides, trying to take in the retro decor and remember the thousands of memories that have been stored in this tiny place she’s been coming to since she was a little girl.

She knows she and her dad used to frequent here a lot. She’d always put on the same song, dancing around without a care in the world. Sometimes, when she’s really missing her, Lara Jean comes here and turns the song on, sitting at the table closest to the jukebox and listens intently. It doesn’t make things better or easier or even more reassuring, but it makes her feel close to her again. Like if she closes her eyes and wishes hard enough, her mom will come back.

“It’ll get easier to leave,” Peter says quietly. Lara Jean watches him grab another fry, his eyes staring as he drags it through the ketchup. “And then you’ll really appreciate this town that we grew up in.”

Lara Jean hesitates, wanting to remind him that she moved to North Carolina for college so she knows the feeling well, but then stops herself. She doesn’t want this road trip to get off on the wrong foot, so she just nods, swallowing another fry and reaching for her Coke.

“So, I was looking at Gatlinburg and places to stay, and there’s some really cute bread and breakfasts tucked into the mountains that we could spend the night at. Ease you into some adventuring. Does that sound cool?” Peter asks, reaching for another fry.

Lara Jean sighs, nodding. “I like that idea,” She decides after a moment. Because yes, it was spontaneous, but it wasn’t so far out there that she was immediately thrust out of her comfort zone.

Peter brightens, taking another sip of his shake. “It’ll be the perfect first stop in our adventure. Starting off with some Smoky Mountain views and a cute little bed and breakfast of your dreams.”

Lara Jean laughs, shaking her head. “I’m eager to see what you’ve found,” She retorts, Peter smiling as he reaches for a napkin to wipe off his hands.

Peter, who declares that he’s finished and the rest of the fries are Lara Jean’s, digs through his pocket and comes up with a quarter. He smiles, standing up from their table. Lara Jean watches as he walks over to the jukebox, flipping through the selection with ease and playing the song.

She stares back at the plate of French fries until they blur, chewing until they’re almost dissolved in her mouth. She can see Peter come back and sit across from her, foot tapping against the linoleum floors. “I thought this would be appropriate to play one final time on our way out,” He says quietly.

Lara Jean nods, looking up at him and taking a shaky breath. “I’m just surprised you remembered.”

Peter cocks his head to the side, his eyebrows furrowing. “You thought I’d forget this?” He asks carefully, the corner of his lips twitching when Lara Jean nods quickly. “I think it’s impossible for me to forget that this was your mom’s favorite.”

Lara Jean nods again, reaching for another French fry to pop into her mouth. Peter’s quiet for a moment, and then she feels his hand rest against her forearm. “She’d be so proud of you, you know. Going to med school. Taking a leap of faith and moving across the country for your residency.”

Lara Jean chews another fry, nodding. “I just wish she was here,” She whispers, praying that she doesn’t start crying in the middle of the diner.

Peter, who seems to notice that she’s on the verge of tears, nods. “I do too,” He says, and then flags Jane down for the check, letting Lara Jean finish the rest of their fries and her soda while he pays.

“Shall we get this show on the road?” He asks when he returns, Lara Jean nodding quickly. She offers to pay him back, but he shakes his head and leads her out to the car, plugging Gatlinburg into the GPS while Lara Jean gets situated in the passenger seat beside him.

“Only five hours and 40 minutes until we reach our first destination,” He smiles, laughing when Lara Jean groans and turns on a playlist the two of them mutually agreed on over FaceTime just before she came home.

She watches the streets of their town slowly become unfamiliar, savoring each red light and trying to capture the corner stores and quaint shops in her brain until she’s back in a few months.

Peter merges onto the highway, follows the GPS directions as his fingers drum against the steering wheel to the music, the two of them officially on their way.

Settling back into her seat, Lara Jean takes a deep breath, letting it all sink in.

There’s no going back now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos :)
> 
> the road trip finally begins! now the real fun can start :)
> 
> more next sunday!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Dear Diary by Anthony Ramos :)


	7. memories bring back you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the road trip begins and Lara Jean tries to get Peter to talk.

The first two hours fly by in a breeze. Lara Jean had been hesitant about it, thinking it'd be awkward, but so far it's been filled with bad car singing and watching the trees go by around them, and slowly but surely she settles in beside the boy she once knew better than anyone else.

“So, are there any places you think we should absolutely see on our way out to San Diego?” Peter asks, reaching to turn down the music slightly to carry on a conversation.

Lara Jean glances up from her phone, watching the traffic slow around them and Peter glancing back at her, eyebrows raised over his sunglasses. “I'm not sure,” She says after a moment, shifting her attention to Peter. "I mean, is it too much to ask to see the Grand Canyon? I'm not really sure how close we'd be to it.”

Peter smiles, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. “We won't be too far from it,” He comments, changing lanes with ease. “My mom and I actually went to see it when we drove out. So that one can definitely be put on the list.”

Lara Jean smiles, typing it into her notes on her phone as the slightest bit of planning takes over in her brain. “What about you? Any place you want to see that you didn't want to see? Or any place that you think I should see?”

Peter looks back at her with a sly grin, leaning his head back against the head rest. “I do have a place in mind, but I’m not telling you yet. It’ll be a surprise,” He smiles, laughing when he looks to see Lara Jean with a look of betrayal on her face. “Oh, come on, Covey! You have to let me give you one surprise. I promise you it's nothing bad or that would put you in danger."

Lara Jean sighs, stopping herself before she can say no. In all the years she and Peter were friends, she knows that he's never led her to anything that would put her in danger. And she _did_ tell him she was willing to be adventurous on this trip.

So she takes a deep breath, sits up a little straighter in the passenger seat, and nods. “Okay. I trust you," She says carefully, willing herself to believe the words coming out of her mouth.

“You'll love it,” Peter says quietly. He reaches over, squeezing her thigh just quickly enough that Lara Jean almost wonders if she's dreamt it when he pulls away just as quickly.

She turns back up the music, leans her head against the window, and watches the cars pass and the trees go by while Peter hums along.

—

Peter pulls into a pretty empty rest stop and pokes a dozed off Lara Jean, smiling. "I really had to pee, and I figured maybe it was a good time to get some food?” He offers, smiling as Lara Jean rubs at her eyes and nods, forcing herself to wake up. “We don’t have to be here long. I just thought maybe it'd be good to stretch our legs.”

“How long was I asleep?” Lara Jean asks, stretching when she stands up from the car.

Peter does the same, locking the car as they make their way inside. "Not long. Maybe 45 minutes? I figured you were probably exhausted, and I’m sure you didn't sleep last night."

"Not well at least," Lara Jean shrugs. She holds the door for Peter as they slip inside, going their separate ways to go to the bathroom before meeting back up in the snack aisle.

Peter nudges her and holds up a bag of gummy worms with a proud smile. “These still your favorite?" He asks, to which Lara Jean laughs and nods, turning back to the row of food in an attempt to hide her blushing cheeks because he even remembers little details like that.

“Do you think I could drive on this stretch?" Lara Jean asks as she picks up a bag of pretzels, moving back towards the drinks. "I mean, is it really crowded?”

Peter looks at her, shrugging. “I think you'd be okay. It’s not too crowded right now,” He tells her, reaching for a bottle of water for himself. “Do you want to try?”

Lara Jean stops, attempting to will herself to answer. She has to try, that much she knows. But it's weighing heavy on her chest and she's worried that if she says yes and she’s horrible or freaks out she’ll never hear the end of it.

“You don’t have to drive at all if you don't want to,” Peter says softly. He rests his hand on her arm, forcing her to look up at him. “Lara Jean, I don't want you to do anything you’re not comfortable doing. I’m more than okay with driving.”

“No, it’s okay,” Lara Jean says after a moment, standing up a little straighter. “I can do it.”

Peter doesn't say anything, just nods and waits for her to choose which drink she wants before they walk up to pay.

By the time Lara Jean is sitting in the driver's seat, her hands are sweating. She knows she can get out of this, but she also knows that this is a fear she has to squash now rather than later, not that that makes it any easier for her to stomach.

Peter doesn't rush her, instead sitting in the passenger seat eating a bag of chips in the most reckless way Lara Jean remembers so clearly. She glances at him, managing the smallest of laughs when he raises his eyebrows and gives her an innocent smile.

“I'm gross, I know,” Peter says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, reaching for his water. “You okay?”

Lara Jean nods, taking another sip of water. “I need to do this."

"It doesn't have to be right now," Peter says softly, watching her carefully. “I can drive today, Lara Jean. It’s really not a big deal.”

Lara Jean turns the key in the ignition, taking a deep breath. "I can do it,” She says firmly, which doesn't sound at all convincing but Peter nods all the same, leaning back in his seat as Lara Jean slowly moves out of the parking spot and back out towards the highway.

Peter watches quietly as she merges back onto the highway, getting more comfortable before letting out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. “Okay, I'm good,” She smiles, Peter laughing beside her.

"You're more than good, Covey. Let me know when you want to switch back," He says, getting more comfortable in the seat and putting on his own playlist while Lara Jean focused on the traffic ahead of them and desperately trying to calm her nerves.

Peter falls asleep just over an hour into Lara Jean's shift of driving, which she decides she doesn't mind. She turns up the music a little bit, grows slightly more confident with being on the highway, and watches as the trees fly by and the sun hangs high in the air, inching towards Gatlinburg and their first stop of the trip.

They start running low on gas when they're just over an hour away, Lara Jean pulling off the highway towards a gas station as Peter stirs. He looks around, blinking blearily before becoming aware of his surroundings. “Wow, Covey. I'm impressed,” He smiles, checking the GPS to see how far they've driven. “A little over two hours on the road?”

Lara Jean nods, pulling into the gas station with a smile on her face. “I faced my fear _and_ let you sleep," Lara Jean says proudly. “And now I will gladly hand over the rest of the journey to you.”

Peter laughs, climbing out of the car to stretch his legs while she pays and pumps the gas. He goes inside to use the bathroom, leaving Lara Jean for a moment.

She looks out at the rest stop they've made it to, nestled somewhere in the middle of Tennessee. The trees are gorgeous, she thinks, staring at them until her eyes blur from the sun that's just beginning to set and the pump shuts off.

She switches with Peter, running inside to use the bathroom while he gets situated with the final shift of the day, walking back out to find him ready to go. He glances up from his phone, smiling.

“You ready to begin the final part of our journey to the lodge?” He asks excitedly, smiling when Lara Jean nods and buckles her seatbelt. "With any luck we’ll get there before the sun sets. I hear the sunsets are beautiful.”

“I do like a pretty sunset," Lara Jean whispers, leaning her head against the headrest as Peter hums and reminds her that he remembers, navigating back onto the highway without another word.

She does manage to sneak in the smallest of naps, head resting against the cool window as Peter drives through some traffic nearing the end of the day. He pulls off the main highway and onto another one, nudging Lara Jean’s thigh as they grow closer and the traffic begins to slow down.

"Look how pretty it is back here,” He smiles, turning to look at Lara Jean as she blinks rapidly, trying to wake herself up. "I'm sorry, I should've let you keep sleeping. I just… you still like places like this, right?"

The way he says it, so timid and shy about it, makes her smile. It’s a far cry of the Peter she once knew, one that was so confident that he knew everything about her, that she hesitates for a moment. And then she smiles, nodding. "I love moments like these,” She says quieter than she means to, looking at the view out the windshield.

“Isn't there something so special about a quiet area and a good sunset? Especially when it's the beginning of summer and everything just feels lazier.”

Peter smiles, listening to the GPS and nods. “There is,” He agrees, glancing at Lara Jean quickly. “It just seems peaceful. Quiet, even. So you’re still as in love with them as you were before?"

“Always,” Lara Jean nods, perking up slightly as they grow closer and Peter pulls off onto another highway and down some back roads towards the lodge he booked earlier that morning.

The lodge sits tucked back in the woods with what Lara Jean can imagine is the most gorgeous view of the sunset. Peter parks the car, shutting it off and looking over at her. “Did I do a good job so far?” He asks, tearing Lara Jean's gaze away from the view to look at him.

“Well, so far I’ve only seen the outside,” She smiles. “But honestly? You've done a much better job than what I was going to give you credit for. So sure, so far you get a passing grade.”

Peter rolls his eyes, shaking his head and climbing out of his car, the two of them grabbing their bags from the back seat and walking inside.

“Go look at the view. I’ll check us in and then come get you,” Peter nudges, Lara Jean nodding as she walks through the lobby and out to the deck in the back.

There’s an older couple sitting in some rocking chairs out on the back deck overlooking the valley in the mountains, the sun setting over the tops of the trees in the distance. Lara Jean chews on her lip, staring at the mixes of purples and grays and oranges making up the sunset, wondering if it’s even worth it to take a picture as she knows it won’t ever compare to what she’s seeing in person.

She leans against the ledge of the balcony, hands gripping the wood as she leans forward to get a better look. It takes her breath away, and for how nervous she was that she was allowing Peter to take her on adventures away from the schedule she had meticulously planned out, she thinks maybe this is all worth it. Because he knows places like this, and he remembered that she would love the peacefulness of the mountains and the breathtaking views that came along with it.

She doesn’t hear Peter walk outside and appear next to her, a smile on his face as he watches her. “I knew you’d love it here.”

“How did you know it was the most gorgeous place on Earth?” She asks after a moment, turning to look at him. “Peter… this is incredible.”

Peter’s smile grows, his hand leaning against the banister. “My mom found it,” He confesses. Lara Jean’s impressed he didn’t just take the credit. “When she found out we were taking this trip together she insisted that she’d find some places she knew you’d love. And this was one we both agreed on.”

“I need to thank her,” Lara Jean mumbles, her gaze shifting back to the horizon in front of her. “I know I’m super rigid about staying on track and not being too adventurous, but this makes me want to trust you with more.”

“Good,” Peter smiles. He’s quiet for a moment, taking in the sight before them before he looks back at her. “The fact that you like this view so much makes me feel a little better telling you the next thing I have to say.”

The statement piques Lara Jean’s interest, and for as much as she was focused on the view in front of her, she snaps back to look at Peter. “Please tell me you didn’t lose a reservation or something and we have to get back in that car.”

Peter laughs, shaking his head. “No, we are still staying here,” He promises. He looks away from her, and then forces himself to look back again. “They just uh… they messed up the reservation? And so the room that had two beds was booked to a family, and they booked us in a room with one bed.”

Lara Jean’s silent for a moment. In preparation for what she thought she was going to hear, she thinks it’s pretty safe to say that wasn’t it. It’s not the _worst_ news — she can think of a million other things that would come ahead of this — but for just slowly building their relationship back up again and things still having awkward moments, it’s not the most ideal scenario.

“I guess we just have to figure it out,” She shrugs, leaning down to grab her bag. “Because there is no way I’m getting back in that car just to drive to a generic hotel that will have two beds.”

Peter looks impressed, nodding as he shifts his bag on his shoulder. “I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t think you were going to take that as well as you did.”

Lara Jean smiles, following him back through the door and towards the staircase that leads to their room. “It’s probably the exhaustion. And the fact that we’re not total strangers, right? I mean we used to share beds all the time.”

“When we were kids, yeah,” Peter points out. He looks over his shoulder. “But we’re fixing things. And that’s got to count for something. Besides, maybe there’s a chair or a sofa I could sleep on instead.”

Lara Jean nods, walking quietly through the halls until they come to a stop at their door. Peter fumbles with the key for a moment, ignoring Lara Jean’s offer to help as he sighs, finally unlocking it and leading them inside.

It’s a rustic room, filled with plenty of natural wood and the most gorgeous windows overlooking the same sunset from downstairs. Lara Jean sets her bag down on the small sofa in the corner, watching as Peter gets settled on the opposite side of the room, unzipping his bag to reach for new clothes to shower.

Carefully opening the curtains, Lara Jean takes in the last of the sunset dipping over the horizon, flipping on a light and grabbing her phone when the sky has turned mostly dark and only the slightest sliver of orange remains.

She calls her dad first, who’s on his way to the hospital but is relieved to hear that they’ve at least made it to their first destination safely. “Peter found us a cute lodge with the most amazing view,” Lara Jean smiles, sinking down into the small sofa and crossing her legs. “I’ll be sure to send you pictures of it in the morning.”

“I’d love to see it,” Her dad says. She can hear the turn signal click on, and her dad talk to the guard at the hospital. “Be sure to tell me when you set off tomorrow and then when you get there.”

“You know I will,” Lara Jean promises, waiting until the last possible moment before Dan declares he has a baby to deliver and she has a road trip to enjoy.

She waits a moment, scrolling through her texts and finding Chris’ name, feverishly typing out a note as the water shuts off in the bathroom.

_Made it to Gatlinburg! It’s so pretty here. Perfect for hiking :)_

_Also Peter found us a hotel and there was a miscommunication. There’s only one bed._

The reply bubble pops up immediately.

_OOOH ONE BED!_

_Damn Covey, this is starting out incredibly cliche. I take it you’re just sharing?_

Peter steps out of the bathroom with a smile on his face, rubbing his hair with the towel. Lara Jean stares for slightly too long, biting her lip at the dips in the small of his back, and then shifts back to her phone before he catches her.

_I guess. There’s a small sofa in here that is way too small for him and too uncomfortable for me. So I’ll stay firmly on my side._

“Did you want to shower and then we can go find some dinner?” He offers, Lara Jean nodding as her phone vibrates in her hand.

_Always good to establish boundaries early. Can’t wait to hear about tomorrow’s adventures! Day one proved to be better than I could’ve hoped :)_

Lara Jean locks her phone, setting it on the table and grabbing her things, slipping past Peter and into the bathroom.

This trip was already starting off interestingly.

—

They settle on McDonald’s for dinner, mostly because it’s the first thing they see when they reach town and because Peter insists he’s been dying for a milkshake.

“I didn’t think you ate that unhealthy?”

“I indulge every now and then,” Peter smirks, following her into the lobby. “Besides, a road trip is supposed to be full of shitty fast food and memories.”

Lara Jean nods, slides into a booth after she orders, and spends the dinner marveling at how Peter can still eat just as much as he used to without a problem.

By the time they’re back at the lodge all she can think about is sleep and not much else, grabbing her toiletries and walking into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

She can hear Peter shuffling through the room, and the one question that’s been nagging her mind almost slips out without a second thought.

“What happened between us?”

Lara Jean’s voice is muffled as she opens the bathroom door, brushing her teeth. Peter pulls his shirt off, sets his alarm, and sits on his half of the bed.

“What do you mean?” He asks, looking over his shoulder. “We were best friends, I was a dick, and we drifted apart for good reasons.”

The way he says it — so simply, so at ease with the situation — throws Lara Jean for a loop. She hesitates, spitting the toothpaste into the sink and swishing mouthwash around her mouth until it burns, spitting that out too.

“But why did we drift apart?” She asks again. She shifts her pajama top, suddenly feeling self conscious. “Why didn’t we fight for it? We’d been best friends for years.”

Peter sighs, sliding under the comforter of the lodge, sinking back into the pillows. “I don’t know,” He admits. He taps his fingers against the sheets. “I guess I thought maybe this time we couldn’t fix things. Maybe I had ruined things too much.”

The bed dips beside him, and carefully she slides in on the edge of her half, keeping her distance from him.

So it wasn’t awkward.

She doesn’t say anything, shutting the light off and letting the stillness of the night fill their room. Peter’s breathing is quiet, his hand searching for hers subconsciously as if it’ll fix things, and then her voice fills the room.

“We could’ve, you know,” She whispers. “We could’ve fixed things. And we would’ve been okay.”

She doesn’t know that, Peter knows. She’s always had that false sense of hope. That willful blindness to believe that everything works out. But it hardly feels like the right time to say that and he’s not looking to start an argument, so he nods.

“I wish I fought harder,” He whispers back. “I wish we could’ve stayed best friends. Shared our college milestones together. You getting into med school.” Lara Jean shifts beside him, the bed creaking. “I wish we didn’t miss that because I was an idiot.”

Lara Jean’s hand dances across the sheets, finding Peter’s. Gently, she squeezes. “Maybe this trip can be the start of new beginnings,” She mumbles. “Goodnight, Peter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come on, you didn't think we were going to have a road trip with no cliches, right?! :)
> 
> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos, you're all the best <3 <3 <3
> 
> more next sunday!!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Memories by Maroon 5 :)


	8. maybe together we can get somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the road trip continues

Peter wakes up first, a stream of sunlight slipping through the curtains he haphazardly closed the night before. He shifts in bed, feels the weight beside him, and then remembers that he and Lara Jean shared a bed last night.

Lara Jean sleeps the same way she always has — like a rock. She curls up on her side, barely moving a muscle through the night. It’s like she’s designed to take up the least amount of space, staying firmly in her area and not even bumping against Peter throughout the night.

He looks at her for a moment, still curled up, sound asleep as she breathes evenly, and forces himself out of bed before he has too much time to think about how this is real and definitely not a dream, and his former best friend is sleeping beside him in the middle of Tennessee because they’re moving her out to San Diego, where he currently lives, to start her residency.

He holds his breath as he slips out of bed, looking back to see Lara Jean shift and then settle back against the pillow. He reaches for his t-shirt, pulling it on as he moves to make coffee in the makeshift coffee bar in their room.

He thinks about making a cup for Lara Jean, but then can’t remember if she even drinks it. He sighs, watching the Keurig machine make his coffee, and thinks about all the things he probably doesn’t remember when it comes to Lara Jean.

He used to be able to tell everyone that her favorite color was light blue and she would eat pasta any day of the week. He’d tell her friends that she always orders cookies and cream ice cream when it’s available, or that she doesn’t like hanging out too late because she likes to go to bed early as if she was a grandma.

He stirs cream and sugar into his coffee, turning back to the bed. If someone asked him any fun fact about Lara Jean now, he doesn’t think he’d be able to answer it confidently.

Maybe that’s the point of this trip. Maybe this trip was destined to bring them back together. Maybe this is the beginning of them being vulnerable with each other again, knowing each other’s likes and dislikes better than they know their own, and to feel like maybe there is a space for them to become best friends again.

But he knows that has to start with him. And so quietly he slips out onto the balcony with his coffee and the quiet morning of the Smoky Mountains, planning when the best time to bring everything up is without ruining everything.

—

Lara Jean wakes up almost an hour later and joins him on the patio, a coffee mug in her hand. “You could’ve woke me up.”

Peter smiles, watching as she sinks into the chair beside him. “You looked peaceful sleeping,” He shrugs. “Besides, we only have like, four hours of driving today.”

Lara Jean nods, staring out at the sun bouncing off the tops of the trees in the horizon for a moment, sipping her coffee. “You slept okay?” She finally asks, but it sounds so foreign and formal that for a moment Peter forgets they used to be best friends at all.

Realizing he’s hesitated longer than normal Peter quickly nods, finishing the last of his coffee. “The bed was surprisingly comfortable,” He smiles, which earns a courteous smile in reply from Lara Jean. “How about you? Did you sleep well?”

She nods, her mug resting against her lips. “I did. You didn’t move too much,” She smiles, crossing her legs. “Far cry from how you used to be.”

“I was never _that_ bad,” Peter argues, which earns a laugh from Lara Jean as she shakes her head.

“You used to wack me in the head with your arm when we had sleepovers,” She reminds him, laughing when Peter’s cheeks blush furiously and he shifts his attention back out to the view in front of them.

“Okay, well I’ve gotten better then. That’s good, right?”

“Very,” She nods, taking another sip of her coffee.

A comfortable silence falls over the two of them. Peter thinks maybe he should bring up their conversation from the night before multiple times, but it never feels right and he worries that maybe bringing it up first thing could make for an awkward rest of the day. So instead they listen to the birds chirp and their neighbors in the lodge come and go, and by the time Lara Jean finishes her coffee they barely have any time before they have to check out.

Peter changes first, slipping into the bathroom to get ready for the day and the short trip they have to conquer. Lara Jean takes more time, braiding her hair perfectly and applying the smallest amount of makeup, reappearing in the room with a smile on her face as she repacks her small bag for the week.

“Only four hours today, right?” She asks as Peter does one final check of the room.

He nods, grabbing his bag and pocketing his phone. “Quick trip. We may be able to do it in one go. Give us more time in Nashville,” He shrugs.

Lara Jean nods, following him out of the room and into the hallway. “Can we find breakfast first though?”

Peter nods, holding his phone up to show Google maps already up. “I found a diner just back in town. Still love diner breakfasts?”

Lara Jean practically moans at the thought, nodding as they make their way back to the lobby. “I will _always_ go for diner breakfasts.”

“Good,” Peter smiles, walking over to hand back the key and check out, leaving Lara Jean to load her bag into the car.

—

The diner is tucked away off a main highway. Peter almost misses the turn, finding it frantically with Lara Jean’s quick realization watching the GPS almost guide them right past it. They slide into a booth and a waitress quickly takes their order, giving Lara Jean time to look around and take in their surroundings.

“It’s no Corner Café,” Peter comments, which earns a laugh from Lara Jean as she rests her chin in her hands.

“Definitely not,” She agrees. “But there’s something very… classic about it. Like the booths and the decor is all very American diner.”

Peter looks around, noticing the jukebox in the corner, and smiles. “It is,” He agrees, holding his finger up as he slides out of his side of the booth, walking over to the jukebox.

Lara Jean watches with careful eyes, a lame stop resting on the tip of her tongue that she never quite says. Instead she observes, notices the way Peter’s shoulders hunch as he flips through the selection, and then inserts his quarter.

The jukebox, an antique, takes a moment to come to life. Peter slides into the booth just as the song begins, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “I figured it was a sign?” He offers, and if Lara Jean wasn’t so close to crying she would make fun of how his cheeks have turned a slight crimson.

“It’s definitely a sign,” She nods, listening to her mom’s song float through the diner. An older man sitting at the bar taps his foot along to the beat, Lara Jean closes her eyes and feels like she can see her mom dancing around, and for a moment it’s all the reassurance she needs to know that all of this will be okay.

The song ends and the waitress brings their breakfasts out and sets them in front of them, and for a moment Lara Jean thinks about bringing up the night before. She’s desperate to know what went wrong, what could’ve been fixed, but it never feels like the right time. Like maybe it’s too soon and talking about it now will ruin the rest of their road trip where they can’t escape each other.

But this is relaxed, and Peter seems happy and well rested, and for a moment she almost goes for it.

“I booked us an AirBnB this morning,” Peter comments around a forkful of pancakes, derailing the courage Lara Jean had mustered up. “It’s small and one bedroom again, but it has a pull-out couch that I’ll sleep on tonight. It’s right near town in Nashville and we can walk to a bar for lunch or dinner.”

Lara Jean takes a bite of her omelette, nodding. “I’m trusting you with these accommodations,” She smiles. “Trying to be spontaneous.”

“And I haven’t steered us wrong yet, right?” Peter smiles easily, swirling his pancake in syrup on the plate.

“It’s only been one place,” Lara Jean points out, hiding her smile behind another bite. “But so far you’re doing well. I’ll keep the faith for now.”

“Good,” Peter nods, flagging down the waitress as he pays for the bill.

Lara Jean tries to argue that she can pay for it, that he’s already doing more than enough just by coming up on this trip, but before she can say anything Peter holds up his hand, shaking his head. “I’ve got it, LJ. At least let me pay this one.”

Lara Jean sighs, leaning back against the plastic cushion. “Fine. But I’m paying for gas before we get back on the highway.”

Peter just shakes his head, signing the bill. “Deal,” He agrees, the two of them finishing the last of their coffee before making their way back out to the car.

—

Halfway through the drive to Nashville, Lara Jean looks over at Peter. “Can I drive the rest of the way?”

Peter glances back at her, changing lanes to get off at the next exit. “If you’re sure. You don’t mind driving to the place in Nashville?”

Lara Jean hesitates, then shakes her head. “I mean, I’m not the best at parallel parking,” She shrugs. “But maybe we can find another place? Like a parking lot?”

“Sure,” Peter nods, smiling. He pulls off the highway and into a quiet gas station, running inside to pee as Lara Jean slips into the drivers seat.

She’s trying to be more confident, even if it is for short stretches.

Peter returns and slides into the passenger seat with ease, readjusting the seat to recline. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

Lara Jean lets out a shaky breath, hands gripping the steering wheel as she nods. “I’d prefer if you didn’t fall asleep right now, but I’m fine,” She says, and so Peter nods, sitting up slightly and watching as Lara Jean makes her way back to the highway and inching closer towards Nashville.

“I have to say, Covey, I’m impressed,” Peter marvels from the passenger seat, the smallest of smirks on his face. “I didn’t think you’d ever be this confident driving on the highways.”

Lara Jean manages a smile, training her eyes on the road in front of her as she shrugs. “I’m trying to be better,” She admits, slowing down with the traffic. “I mean, I am going to be a doctor. I think I should be able to drive.”

“I like the way you think,” Peter smiles, and as he watches Lara Jean relax in the drivers seat he too relaxes, flipping through the playlist and humming along to the music, taking a million photos to remember this section of their trip as it inches by.

—

Nashville is bustling by the time they arrive in the early evening. Peter notices the hesitation in Lara Jean’s driving as they move closer to town, pointing towards a McDonald’s they can pull into and change places.

“You did it, Covey,” Peter beams as he readjusts the seat and slides back into the drivers side, looking over at Lara Jean. “You got us to Nashville!”

“I did,” Lara Jean nods, letting out a breath and smiling. “By the time we get to San Diego I’ll be a pro.”

“I don’t think I can argue with that,” Peter smiles, moving back out onto the road and listening to the GPS to get to the AirBnB. “I’m proud of you, Lara Jean. You’re facing a lot of fears this trip.”

Slightly embarrassed, Lara Jean manages a nod before sinking down in her seat, watching as Nashville turns into the town and Peter expertly parallel parks just outside their AirBnB.

They check-in and unlock the front door, and Lara Jean finds it hard to mask the gasp that falls out of her mouth. “Peter…” She says quietly, dropping her duffel bag by the front door and sliding out of her shoes.

“Nice, right?” Peter smiles, looking around for himself. “This decor seemed very… you.”

Lara Jean nods, fingers running over the edge of the suede chair and along the modern end table beside her. Her feet tap along the light hardwood, looking at the quaint bathroom with penny tiled floors, and then the bedroom, which has a bed and a desk and not much else, but Lara Jean finds it homey.

“Do you think the place in San Diego would look good decorated like this?” She asks, turning back when she hears Peter’s footsteps enter the room.

Peter looks around as he nods, shifting his gaze back to her and smiling. “The apartment gets a lot of light. I think this would look nice in there.”

Lara Jean nods, pulling her phone from her pocket and snapping a few photos.

“Am I going to have to help you with decorating?” He smiles, running his fingers through his hair as he stares at himself in the mirror.

“I don’t remember you being very handy. Or having a good eye for decorating.”

“I’m hurt by those comments, Covey,” Peter smiles, turning back to her. “But fine, do it yourself then. Just remember I’m not just there for you to use as muscle.”

“I would never,” Lara Jean smirks, pushing her phone back into her pocket as she lays down on the bed.

“Don’t fall asleep,” Peter sings. He tosses something at her, and when she peels it off her face she realizes it’s his shirt, the curve of his back facing her as he digs for a new one out of his bag. “It’s so close to dinner and I want to walk around Nashville. I hear this place is amazing.”

Lara Jean watches as he pulls the new shirt over his head with ease, straightening it out before smoothing his hair back into place. She doesn’t remember him being that muscular, although she thinks there’s no way that happened in the few years they stopped talking. It was obvious he worked out, the way his muscles tensed and relaxed as he dug through his bag and pulled his shirt on.

And then she hates that she’s thinking about him in this way at all. Not now, not ever. Not after everything they’ve gone through. She tries to stop herself, tell herself that this will never happen and they’re barely friends, and even when they were it ended horribly, but she’s not sure that it’s helping.

When he goes to turn back around, she tosses his old shirt to the side and looks away.

“We need to go now then,” She manages to say, pushing herself to sit up as she smooths frayed ends of her braid back into her head. “Because if I lay here and do nothing much longer I’ll fall asleep.”

Peter stares at her for a moment, cocks his head like he’s going to say something, and then nods. “You ready then?” He asks, and Lara Jean nods curtly, standing up and smoothing her hands over her skirt, slipping her feet back into her sandals as she follows Peter out the door.

—

Downtown Nashville is bustling as bars are filled to the brim with patrons, country music echoing off the walls loudly.

Lara Jean takes in the sights, the blinking lights and the laughter coming from the open doors, Peter turning to watch her. “This is cool, right?” He shouts over the music, looking up and nudging her towards the open door of a bar he wanted to check out.

Lara Jean nods, following him as he leads them inside, grabbing two seats together.

“This totally isn’t your scene, is it?” Peter asks. There’s a flash of concern on his face, and Lara Jean quickly shakes her head.

“It’s fine,” She promises, ordering a drink when the bartender catches their eye. “It’s nice to see parts of the cities we’re staying in, even if we’re not here long.”

Peter nods, tipping the bartender and taking a sip of his beer. “We don’t have to stay long,” He decides, because he’s tired and he knows Lara Jean is uncomfortable, and it’s almost as if he can see her shoulders relax.

“Just want to get some food and walk up and down broadway,” She decides, turning to watch the people dance on the dance floor. Peter follows suit, hand resting on the bar as they watch old friends laugh and dance together.

As it turns out, Lara Jean finds she could die in the food. The barbecue is out of this world, and after some urging, she manages to get Peter to take a bite of her ribs. He falls in love as well, reaching for a napkin to wipe the corners of his mouth.

“Maybe we take a road trip to Nashville some other time,” He decides, reaching for the last of his beer. “I feel like you and I could just eat our way around this town.”

“Definitely,” Lara Jean nods. She tries not to think about how Peter has decided there’s going to be a next time and how he wants to keep hanging out with her or go on another road trip another time.

They split the bill after some negotiation, and as Peter takes her hand again Lara Jean lets him lead her out of the bar, back out into the warm summer air and the bustling streets of a city she was finding she wanted to spend more time in.

They walk around for a while, savoring the last of the sunlight and the sunset over the horizon, and Peter only mildly teases her about the amount of photos she’s taken.

“I just want to remember all of this trip,” She argues, brushing her hair back away from her face.

Peter laughs, nodding and pulling her into his side. “I’m glad we’ll have these photos to look back on this insane trip.”

_______________________________

Peter declares he’s taking a shower when they’re back at the apartment, giving Lara Jean the perfect chance to check in with her family before calling Naomi.

“So? How is it?” She asks as Lara Jean falls onto the sofa, picking at a string on the hem of her dress. “Have you guys fixed everything?”

“We haven’t even talked about all of that,” She admits after a moment. “I keep wanting to bring it up, but I know it’s going to be intense and things have been going so well.”

“You can’t keep avoiding the inevitable,” Naomi sighs. “The sooner you talk about it, the sooner you guys can move on.”

“I know, I know,” She nods, twisting her hair around her finger. “Maybe tomorrow.”

“It better be tomorrow,” Naomi laughs. “How has everything else gone? Where are you guys now?”

Lara Jean smiles, pulling her legs underneath her. “Things have been really good,” She promises. “We’re in Nashville now.”

She recaps the first part of the trip, from sharing one bed to how she drove on the highway, and Naomi cheers and demands more recaps as soon as she can send them. Lara Jean promises, smiles at Peter when he walks out of the bathroom shirtless, and tries not to think about how he’s an actual man standing in front of her unlike when they were teenagers.

“Want to watch a movie?” Peter asks when Lara Jean hangs up with Naomi, smiling when Lara Jean agrees.

“But can we lay in bed and watch?” She asks, standing up to walk towards her bag. “And don’t say you’ll sleep out here. It’s too uncomfortable for the night. And last night didn’t go horribly.”

“Are you saying we should share the bed again?” He asks, eyebrows raising in amusement. “Because I will take you up on the offer.”

“As long as you don’t move too much,” She smirks, pulling her pajamas out and walking into the bathroom to change.

By the time she walks into the bedroom Peter is tucked into his side of the bed and scrolling through Netflix, smiling at Lara Jean when she quickly braids her hair and slides into the other side of the bed.

There’s a considerable amount of space between the two of them, but even still Lara Jean finds that she feels safe.

Safe from anything that could hurt her. Or from the uncertainty in her life when it comes to what happens next with she and Peter.

She dozes off telling herself that tomorrow is the day she and Peter have the difficult conversations. How they’re going to talk about why they fell apart and somehow everything will be okay.

She just hopes she’s right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos :) the talk is coming soon, promise!
> 
> more next week! :)
> 
> title of the chapter is from Fast Car by Tracy Chapman :)


	9. I can feel you slipping away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the road trip continues, and Peter finally talks about the past.

Lara Jean is up first the next morning.

She tip toes to the kitchen and turns on the tea kettle and sorts through the varieties of tea, tying her hair in a loose braid on the side of her head. She takes a breath, walks over to the window and looks out on the now much quieter street in Nashville, finding it hard to believe that they’re already going to be leaving after barely having a chance to explore.

“I know you’re the doctor on this road trip, but if you ignore the fact that your water is boiling and you don’t walk over and grab it, it’s going to be me that’s going to have to help fix your hand when you inevitably burn it,” Peter says, pulling Lara Jean out of her trance as she smiles and walks back to the stove, shutting off the burner.

“Since we only have a few hours of driving,” Lara Jean begins, pouring hot water into two mugs for both of them, “I was thinking maybe we could go to this cute cafe down the street for breakfast? I noticed it when we were walking home last night.”

Peter takes the tea bags out of the mugs and raises his eyebrows, leaning back against the counter. “You know I’ll always say yes to a cafe,” He smirks. “We could just make this a try out a cafe across America road trip.”

“We could,” Lara Jean nods, taking a sip of her tea. “But we both know that it wouldn’t compare to the Corner Cafe.”

“You’re not wrong,” Peter agrees, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips around his mug. “One of the things I miss most about being back home.”

Lara Jean agrees quietly, finishing the rest of her tea before disappearing back into the bedroom, trying to organize her bag while Peter calls his mom and promises her that they’re absolutely still alive and they haven’t gotten lost yet.

“My mom says hi,” Peter smiles when he pokes his head back into the room, to which Lara Jean smiles and politely tells him to say hi for her. For a moment it’s as if they’re freshmen in college again, where Peter would just be visiting her and growing apart hadn’t happened the way that it had. It feels good, Lara Jean thinks. To have Peter here with her and on this adventure, but mostly to just have him back in her life again.

And while there’s still that huge cloud over them where they have to talk about their problems, she thinks maybe right now she’s happy with acting like they don’t exist, pretending like they hadn’t gone through so much together only to have it thrown away a few years ago.

—

The café is quaint and quiet and filled with little knick knacks she knows Mrs. Kavinsky would love, and she finds herself taking photos and nudging Peter to send them to her as well.

“You were right,” Peter smirks, sliding his phone across the table so Lara Jean can read her response. “She loves all the little things here.”

Lara Jean hides a smug smile behind her glass of water, pushing Peter’s phone back towards him. 

“You can brag about it.”

“I don’t want to gloat,” Lara Jean smirks. She taps her nails against the table, biting the corner of her lip. “But I’d like to say that I didn’t forget what your mom loved.”

“And she’s so happy about that,” Peter smiles.

He wants to say that he’s happy about that too.

They finish breakfast and Peter begrudgingly lets Lara Jean pay at her insistence that she owes him for coming on this road trip with her, and slowly they make their way back to the car, Peter plugging into the GPS while Lara Jean calls her dad.

“Everything is going okay?” He asks, and the commotion of the hospital behind him slowly quiets when he walks into another room. “You guys are safe?”

“We’re fine,” Lara Jean smiles. “Still in Tennessee, at least for one more night. I’m kind of letting Peter dictate how fast we go.”

Dr. Covey hums. “And how have things with Peter been? Have you talked about things?”

Lara Jean sighs, hesitating. “We um, we’re working on it,” She decides. She ignores Peter’s amused face and raised eyebrows beside her, staring out the window at the people walking from their cars to the diner. “Things have been good.”

Dr. Covey pauses for a moment before sighing. “I just got paged to a patient,” He says, and Lara Jean can her the footsteps in the background. “I’m glad you’re safe, honey. Text me when you’re in the next city,” He says, the two hanging up just as Peter plugs in his phone and turns on the car.

“Did he think I was leading us astray?”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, laughing. “He didn’t think that,” She assures him. She watches as he pulls out of the parking lot and navigates towards the highway, picking at her leggings. “He asked how things have been going.”

“And you told him that we were working on it.”

Lara Jean feels her cheeks heat, nodding. The car falls silent for a moment, and then she breathes. “I don’t want to talk through that now.”

“Tonight,” Peter says immediately. “I need to say it, LJ, please.” He glances over at a red light. “I know you haven’t wanted to talk about it, but I can’t keep going through this road trip feeling like a dick because I haven’t apologized.”

Lara Jean chews on the corner of her lip, pressing her head back into the headrest. “Okay,” She agrees. And then spends the rest of the ride worrying that this is the last of this road trip feeling like old times.

—

Peter spends the rest of the drive singing obnoxiously to the playlist Lara Jean put on. Lara Jean initially tried to ignore him, tapping her fingers on her leg while she desperately tries to focus on anything besides the talk they’re going to have that night, but Peter pokes her relentlessly until she rolls her eyes and laughs, singing along with him.

“You okay? Need to stop or anything?” 

Lara Jean hesitates, shaking her head. “I’m good,” She decides. She turns to look at him, brushing her hair back and smiling. “Are you okay?”

Peter smiles, glancing back at Lara Jean when there’s an empty stretch of road. “I’m good,” He decides, leaning forward to turn the music back up, singing along once again.

Peter turns down the music when he pulls off the highway in Memphis, listening to Lara Jean read the GPS as they navigate to their next stop. He glances around, pulls up in front of a quaint apartment right in the middle of town, and turns off the car. 

“This city is cute.”

Lara Jean laughs, nodding and climbing out of the car. “It is,” She agrees, looking around as she grabs her bag from the back seat, following Peter up the paved walkway to the front door.

“I say we get settled and then go find food,” Peter decides, tossing his bag on the ground and collapsing on the sofa. “And then we can talk when we get back.”

Lara Jean takes a breath, chewing on her lip as she nods, moving to stand in front of the mirror as she braids her hair. “If you don’t feel up for it tonight, it doesn’t have to happen right this minute.”

And while her words don’t explicitly say that she’s not ready to ruin a trip that has otherwise been going great, she thinks her actions do. The way she’s timid about it, like maybe her words alone will be enough to convince Peter they can wait until they’re in San Diego.

But Peter, who, for most of his life has never been one to shy away from confronting things, leans up on his elbows and shakes his head.

“I need to do this,” He says softly. His eyes are filled with concern as he sighs. “I’m years too late already, just… let me explain.”

And so Lara Jean relents, nodding as she ties off the end of her braid and turns back to face him. “Okay,” She whispers, ignoring the pit of worry in the bottom of her stomach as she takes a breath.

—

They find a cute Italian place on a corner in Memphis, managing to steal a reservation. Lara Jean glances around, takes in the cute decor and the friendly restaurant owner who takes the time to visit every table, reaching for her wine when the waiter leaves their table.

“Did you ever think about opening your own bakery?” Peter ask, breaking Lara Jean’s trance. There’s an easy smile on his face, elbow leaning on the table as he reaches for a piece of bread. “You used to always say that you wanted to open your own bakery when we were younger.”

Lara Jean smiles behind her wine glass. It’s a memory she had long since forgotten about, one that hadn’t crossed her mind in years. The kind of memories about she and Peter, where they would talk about what they wanted for the future.

She shakes her head, sighing. “No, definitely not,” She smiles. “I guess I just thought that it probably would be too much for me. It’s like… super demanding to own your own place.”

“Because being a doctor isn’t demanding,” Peter muses, a wry smile tugging at his lips. “I get it. I don’t think I could do it either,” He tacks on, shrugging. “Besides, something tells me you’re going to be a really good doctor.”

Lara Jean blushes, praying that the dim lighting in the restaurant hides it, and mutters a sheepish thank you as she stares at Peter over her wine glass. “And I’m sure you’re really good in business. That’s kind of your calling, isn’t it?”

Peter smiles, leaning back. “I like to think it’s the one thing I can succeed at.”

There’s a welcomed lull in the conversation for a moment, one that Lara Jean doesn’t feel like she needs to fill with meaningless conversation, and just as their dinners are brought out it’s Peter who strikes up the conversation again, smiling.

“So, did you date anyone in college?” Peter asks, stabbing a piece of pasta with his fork.

Lara Jean swallows, reaching for her wine. “One or two guys. Nothing that serious.”

“Were they good enough for you?” Peter asks. He takes another bite, swallows quickly, and stares back at her. “Or better yet, would I have thought they were good enough for you?”

“I don’t think you ever had the authority to say whether someone was good for me or not,” Lara Jean quips, smiling around a forkful of lasagna. “But they were nice. Treated me well.”

“So not up to Lara Jean’s standards,” Peter nods. He laughs around his wine glass. “Just trying to gauge where we stand on the whole judging each other’s prospective boyfriend or girlfriend.”

“I never judged yours.”

Peter drops his fork, mouth falling open. “Are you joking?”

Lara Jean furrows her eyebrows, shaking her head. “No?”

“Oh, so you letting me know slyly that Gen was not the one wasn’t you judging?”

Lara Jean feels herself turn bright red, wiping her mouth on her napkin. “That was different. She was using you.”

Peter opens his mouth to argue, but instead sinks back in his chair and shrugs. “Okay, so you were right that one time.”

Now it’s Lara Jean’s turn to beam, taking another bite of her dinner.

“Besides, we all know that I would’ve just been annoyed that you thought you got an opinion.”

Peter laughs around his fork, shaking his head. “You’re at least right about that, Covey,” He agrees, “But I’d like to remind you that I would’ve continued giving my opinions anyway, shitty or not.”

Lara Jean nods, ducking her head as she takes another bite of her lasagna. “You would’ve hated Colton.”

When she looks back up Peter is staring at her with an amused expression, eyebrows raised. “Why?”

“He was a dick,” She shrugs, then looks frantically around to make sure the neighboring table didn’t hear her. “Really only cared about what he wanted to do. Which is why our nights usually involved video games or Vine compilations.”

“You love Vine compilations!” Peter retorts.

“Not when they’re all the time on date nights!” Lara Jean argues, and Peter relents, nodding.

“That would get annoying,” He agrees. “I’m assuming Naomi hated him?”

“I don’t think hate is a strong enough word,” Lara Jean muses. “She despised him. She threw a party complete with champagne when I finally dumped him.”

“I love her,” Peter smiles, finishing off the last of his dinner as Lara Jean laughs.

Lara Jean thinks about telling him that he and Naomi would be best friends, but stops herself. Because maybe that’s too much too soon, maybe she’s getting greedy about her and Peter really staying friends after all of this. Especially because she knows tonight could be the night that everything is ruined.

So instead she lets Peter talk about a girl he met when he first moved to San Diego, one that was obsessed with surfing and going to clubs and how Lara Jean probably would’ve hated her the same way he would’ve hated Colton, and when Peter offers to pay for the bill she doesn’t argue this time, instead just nodding and pulling out her wallet to leave the tip, following Peter back out into the warm summer air towards their apartment.

—

The thing is, Peter doesn’t really know how to go about this.

He doesn’t think there’s some sort of handbook that’s going to tell him how to tell his best friend why he stopped talking to her. And that terrifies him. Because he knows he’s going to ramble and stumble over his words or say something wrong, and that alone is enough to stress him out. 

Lara Jean’s changing into her pajamas. Peter sends a text to Mason, who sends words of encouragement and promises that it’ll be fine. And then he texts Gabe, who reminds him that all Lara Jean wants is honesty.

She smiles politely when she returns back in the living room of the small apartment, curling up on the edge of the sofa.  
“My dad tried to come back into our lives,” Peter begins. He slides into the chair on the other side of the room, staring at the fraying of his jeans until it becomes blurred lines. “He sued my mom for full custody of Owen. Said that she was unfit to be a parent. That she did a horrible job with me, and he wants to spare Owen that for the rest of his minor years.”

“Peter, I —“

“He and his wife wrote these long-winded statements about how the only way I could go to college is if I got a full ride, and how my mom only worried about her store, leaving Owen and I to fend for ourselves most nights.”

“That wasn’t true,” Lara Jean argues weakly. She watches Peter shrug, laugh, and fold his hands in his lap.

“I know it wasn’t,” He agrees. “But they almost convinced the judge that it was.” Peter pauses, taking a breath. “The trial went on for weeks, my mom had to convince them that she did in fact have a college fund set up for both of us, we were just fortunate that I got a full ride. She argued that she ran her own store, and that yes, they were long hours, but she was there anything and everything we ever had going on.”

He stops, looks at Lara Jean for a second, and then looks back down. “He tried to contact Owen and me a few times. Telling us that he would win this, that Owen would be with him full-time, and it would be hard for him to see me the way he does now,” He explains. “He didn’t say it explicitly, but we all knew he meant that he wanted to punish my mom. Even though he was the one who left. He was the one who made a new life with a new family, leaving us behind.”

Peter takes a breath. “He told me that my scholarship meant nothing. That lacrosse wasn’t going to get me any further, that I should’ve thought about schooling and focused harder on that.” He looks up, eyes shining. “I didn’t now how to tell him that I worked so hard to get my grades up. That he would know that if he came around. So I ignored him. And he just kept telling me that sports was the only thing I cared about. That he couldn’t fathom to think about how I managed to graduate with the grades that I had.”

The room falls silent for a minute. Lara Jean almost thinks Peter is going to continue, tell her how everything is fine and he’s sorry that he pushed everyone away, but he doesn’t. He stares at the floor between his feet for a moment, his leg shaking as he chews on the corner of his lip.

“Did he win?”

Peter hesitates, and then shakes his head. “The judge ultimately deemed that my mom was more than a fit parent. His case unraveled when they found out that he was just paying my mom in child support, he wasn’t making an effort to really see us.”

Lara Jean nods, sighs in relief, and shifts in her seat. “Why did you push me away?”

Peter laughs, sinking back further in the chair. “Because I was embarrassed,” He says quietly. “My dad was fighting for full custody of Owen because he didn’t like my mom. And because apparently me getting a full ride to school for sports wasn’t good enough for him. That no matter how hard I worked, no matter what fortunes came to me, my dad still wasn’t proud. He didn’t want either of us, he wanted to use Owen as bait. Why would I want anyone to know that?”

“But I knew you. I knew your whole family, Peter,” Lara Jean argues. She tries to keep her voice even, tries not to get upset. “I would’ve been able to be there for you. To understand what you were going through in a way.”

“Which made it worse!” Peter cries, shaking his head. He tosses his hands dismissively, sighing. “You knew my family so well, what would you have thought if you knew what my dad was trying to do just to ruin us?”

“I would’ve thought your dad was a jerk,” Lara Jean says quietly. “I would’ve told you that your mom did nothing wrong, that you deserve to have someone who is so proud of you for what you had accomplished, and I would’ve let you vent to me whenever you needed to, Peter.”

“But you wouldn’t have,” Peter sighs. His voice cracks as he shakes his head. Lara Jean watches as he picks his cuticles, opening his mouth and closing it as he tries to form his thoughts. “I think you would’ve felt bad for me, looked at me with pity every time I tried to talk about it or hung out with you, and I didn’t want that, okay? I wanted everything to stay the same between us, but I knew that couldn’t happen. So I pushed you away.”

“You were having so much fun at school. And I knew that if I was honest about it all, if I told you how I was feeling, you would’ve rushed home at the drop of a hat. How was I supposed to be the one to ruin that?” Peter’s voice shakes with each word, his voice lowering.

Lara Jean knows he’s frustrated. That he’s upset he’s talking about this, he doesn’t know how to form what he means, that he doesn’t mean what he’s saying. But he finishes and there’s this ache in her heart, one that doesn’t feel like it’s subsiding as she listens to him.

Peter opens his mouth, mutters an apology, and shakes his head. “This is going horribly,” He says, and then manages to laugh. “And I’m so sorry, Lara Jean. For the way I treated you. For thinking that you would’ve treated me that way. For thinking that you wouldn’t have understood or that maybe you wouldn’t have wanted to help me or something.”

Lara Jean nods. “I wouldn’t have been like that,” She says curtly. “And keeping things the same between us couldn’t happen if you refused to answer my texts or calls. Even when I knew a little bit about what was going on. That your dad was back. When Owen told Kitty.”

“I know,” Peter nods.

There’s a lull in the conversation, one that neither of them can quite figure out how to fill, and then Lara Jean speaks up.

“Did Gabe know?”

She’s expecting Peter to shake his head immediately. That he pushed everyone away, kept it to himself because it was easier.

But Peter doesn’t. Instead he sighs, stares at his legs, and nods. “He did,” He whispers, and it’s as if the guilt overtakes him all over again, his shoulders shaking as he catches his breath. “He was closer to home, Lara Jean.”

“Did you push him away?” 

Peter nods, chewing on the corner of his lip. “I did. I pushed everyone away, Lara Jean. But… I couldn’t cope. I needed someone.”

Lara Jean nods. She shifts, standing up. Peter watches, looking up at her through glassy eyes. “This… this is why I didn’t know how to talk about this on this trip,” He whispers. Lara Jean pauses, watching him. “I’m so sorry, Lara Jean. I’m so sorry that I pushed you away, that I didn’t tell you what was going on. I’m sorry that I ruined everything, that nothing I say or do can ever be enough.”

Lara Jean watches him, chews on the inside of her lip, and nods. “I think we both need to get some sleep,” She says quietly, watching him. “Goodnight, Peter.”

She walks into the bedroom and shuts the door quietly, leaving Peter in the still of the living room.

Peter stares out the window until the lights in the apartment across the street click off, leaving him in darkness.

He pulls a blanket from the hall closet, sliding onto the couch in the still of the night. He doesn’t think sleep will come easy, but as he lays and stares at the ceiling, he just hopes that somehow he can repair everything that just fell apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! i'm so glad you're enjoying this story :)
> 
> more next sunday!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Paper Houses by Niall Horan :)


	10. I'm sorry I let you down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the road trip continues, and Lara Jean talks with Peter.

Lara Jean wakes up to the sun streaming through the light curtains of the bedroom.

She stills, listens for any sign of Peter already being awake in the other room, and then quietly tip toes out of bed.

By the time she’s done washing her face and brushing her teeth she still doesn’t hear any movement. She sighs, quietly opens the bedroom door, and finds Peter curled up on the sofa asleep under a blanket, snoring softly.

She stares at him for a moment. The way he looks so innocent, even exhausted. There’s bags under his eyes, deep purple circles that indicate he didn’t get much sleep the night before.

She didn’t either.

She makes coffee for both of them, wiping down the counters just to have something to do as she waits. She glances back at Peter, who shifts under the blanket and then settles again, sighing.

She wants to forgive him.

She wants to wake him up, to tell him that she understands why he did what he did. Why he felt like he needed her to be the one constant in his life. She wants to tell him that it’s okay, it’s just water under the bridge. That yes, she was upset, but she _understands_.

It’s not that easy.

Peter Kavinsky broke her heart. She spent years wondering if Peter coming back and apologizing would bring him back for good. If she would feel at peace knowing what happened, if she would finally find out if it was her that drove him away.

Now she worries that maybe she could’ve left this all in the past. That she and Peter could’ve reconnected and never talked about what happened before.

It wouldn’t have worked out. But now she doesn’t know what to do with the explanation and her broken heart.

She finishes making Peter’s coffee just as he wakes up, pushing himself to sit up as he runs his fingers through his hair. He notices her, smiling politely, and proceeds to cough into his sleeve.

“I made you coffee,” She mumbles, which, she wishes maybe she said anything else to him before that.

But he nods anyway, yawning and pushing himself up from the sofa, walking over to take the warm mug from her hands.

“We have a long day of driving,” He says to fill the quiet space, watching Lara Jean as she nods. She doesn’t look at him — can’t, really — instead staring at her bare feet on the aged hardwood of their AirBnB. “I’ll start off, but I may need you to help.”

His voice is lazy as he talks, raspy as he speaks into the mug, taking another sip. Lara Jean nods again, finishes off her own cup, and finally turns to look at him. “I’m going to go get changed so we can start then. I don’t think we should be driving too late.”

Peter nods, taking her spot leaning against the counter as she walks back into the bedroom, closing the door quietly and pulling new clothes out of her bag to change into.

—

The first two hours of the drive are uneventful.

No conversation happens, a stark transition from the first few days of the trip. Lara Jean slides into the passenger seat, turns on the playlist they’ve been adding to on the trip, and watches as the mountains and trees go by on the sides of the highway, slowly making their way out of Tennessee on the way to Oklahoma City.

She’s almost asleep when she feels the car slowing down, the turn signal click on, and Peter sigh from the driver’s seat.

“Is everything okay?” She asks, shifting in her seat as she sits up. She looks around, notices they’re somewhere in Arkansas, and turns back to look at Peter.

Peter takes a breath, nodding. “We need gas,” He mumbles. The light turns red, and as he comes to a stop, he looks over at her. “I know you don’t like driving, but I don’t feel well and I’m not sure I should be driving.”

Lara Jean, who had once been content with riding out most of this drive, is suddenly filled with concern. She takes a moment to really look at him for the first time that day, now noticing the pale features and his flushed cheeks, and sighs.

“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” She asks, and Peter turns back to face the road, driving down a little further to the gas station. “Did you feel like this when you woke up?”

He pulls into the pump, nodding. “I didn’t think today was the day I insisted you drive. I already broke your heart last night, I couldn’t make it worse.”

Lara Jean digs through her bag, pulling out a packet of medicine. “I’ll go get you something to drink. Can you pump gas? Or do you need to just sit?”

Peter thinks about it for a moment, shrugging. “I can pump gas. It’ll be fine,” He decides.

Lara Jean studies him for a moment before nodding, grabbing her wallet and walking across the empty gas station, into the convenience store.

She comes back with snacks, water and Gatorade, watching as Peter finishes pumping gas and putting the pump back. He walks around to the passenger seat, sitting down as she hands him two tablets and opens the bottle of water for him.

Peter thanks her quietly, flinching when her hand rests against his forehead. “You have a fever,” She mumbles, watching him swallow the pills. “I don’t know that they’ll help all that much since we’re in the car, but at least now you can sleep.”

“Don’t want to sleep if you’re driving,” He whispers, turning to move his legs back into the car. Lara Jean watches him for a moment, sighing.

“I’ll be fine,” She promises, and as Peter nods she carefully shuts the door and walks back to the drivers seat, taking a breath. “Just try to sleep. There’s Gatorade or water in the cupholder for you.”

Peter nods, closing his eyes as his head tilts to the side. “Thanks, Covey,” He whispers, and before Lara Jean can even make it back onto the highway he’s asleep, the playlist playing quietly between them.

—

Lara Jean spends the entirety of the ride humming along to the playlist they made together, navigating through the minor traffic she encounters as they inch their way towards Oklahoma City. Peter shifts in the seat beside her a few times, readjusting the pillow against the glass as he coughs, folding his arms over his chest.

She watches him out of the corner of her eye, and when she pulls off the highway in Oklahoma City four hours later she pulls over for more gas, booking them a hotel room for the night while she’s waiting.

“I’ve been asleep that long?" Peter asks when she wakes him up gently as she pulls into the hotel parking lot. He stretches, winces, and looks at Lara Jean though parted eyes.

She nods softly, resisting the urge to reach out and brush his curls back from his forehead, instead helping him out of the car. “You needed the sleep,” She says softly, leading him through the parking lot and into the lobby. “Do you feel any better?”

Peter hesitates for a moment, fingers running through his curls as he yawns, shrugging. “Not really?” He states, but it comes out as more of a question and Lara Jean finds herself nodding, helping him sit in a chair in the lobby while she checks them in.

Peter crawls into the closest bed the second they’re in the room, abandoning his shoes and bag beside him. Lara Jean takes her time getting settled before she walks over, resting her hand on his forehead again.

“Sorry,” She mumbles when he winces, “it’s the whole doctor thing.”

Peter nods, yawning. “I appreciate it. Your hands are just cold.”

“You’re also insanely warm,” She smiles softly, setting her phone on the end table. “I’m going to shower. Try to sleep a little longer?”

Peter hesitates, shrugging. “Gonna call my mom first. Then sleep,” He says quietly, sitting and reaching for his phone.

Lara Jean nods, walking back to her bag and pulling out pajamas, disappearing into the bathroom.

Peter fumbles with his phone for a minute, answering a few texts and scrolling through Instagram before he dials his mom’s number, rolling over to stare at the ceiling.

“It’s nice to hear from my baby every once in a while,” She says over the phone, and Peter can hear that she’s smiling on the other end. “How has everything been going?”

“Besides feeling like I’m dying today and also finally explaining to Lara Jean why I pushed her away so now she hates me, everything has been fine.”

He can hear his mom sigh on the other end. “I’m going to assume that Lara Jean is taking good care of you?” She asks first, to which Peter mumbles that she is in reply. “And Peter, I’m sure you didn’t ruin things.”

“She’s barely talking to me. Just taking care of me.”

“She needs time,” His mom says quickly. “You know I love you, and you know I understand why you did what you did, but that doesn’t mean that I have to agree with it.” She pauses, taking a breath. “Peter, what you did to her was not the right thing to do. And Lara Jean needs time to process that and come to terms with everything that happened. She deserves that time at the very least.”

Peter knows she’s right. He knows that while he’s had years to come to terms with it all, Lara Jean has had hours. And he can’t expect everything to be okay when he’s not sure that he’s okay himself.

“I’ll let her bring it up again. When she’s ready,” He decides, which his mom agrees is the best option. She urges him to get more sleep, makes him promise that he’ll call her when they’re in the next city, and as Peter shoves his phone onto the nightstand and buries himself in the oversized comforter of the hotel room, he hopes that he’ll wake up and this will all be behind them.

—

Lara Jean steps out of the shower and hears Peter snoring, smiling as she grabs her phone. She has a million texts from Chris, all begging her to give her updates, and so with one last check she walks back into the bathroom where it’s quieter, dialing Chris’ number.

“I was beginning to think he kidnapped you,” She states when she answers, earning an eye roll from Lara Jean.

“I just haven’t really had a chance to call,” She says softly. “And I thought about it last night, but all I really wanted to do was sleep when we got to Memphis.”

“I see where I land on the importance list then,” Chris retorts, but she laughs and Lara Jean relaxes, sitting down on the floor as comfortably as possible.

“He told me last night why he just pushed me out of his life,” She says after a moment. Her free hand runs through her damp hair. “His dad came back into his life in the worst way.”

Chris hums. “His dad sucks,” She states, which is so accurate and yet so abrupt that Lara Jean laughs, agreeing.

She leans her head back against the counter. “He sued for full custody of Owen. Said that their mom did an awful job with Peter and she was never around to raise them.”

“Like he was?” Chris interrupts.

“That was his mom’s argument,” Lara Jean explains. “Anyway, it was long and drawn out and his dad took a lot of jabs at Peter that he also started to believe. And he thought that if I knew all of that, maybe I would start to believe it, too.”

The line is silent for a moment. “What Peter did to you was really, really shitty. And his dad is a dick for putting him through that,” Chris begins. Lara Jean waits to say something, but Chris beats her. “But I think it’s really big of him to be so vulnerable on a trip that could make or break your friendship.”

“He told Gabe about all of this,” Lara Jean mumbles. "And I think that’s what hurts the most. That he felt he could confide in Gabe.”

“You and Peter have had this unexplainable relationship from the time we were little. And I think it’s different between him and Gabe.”

“But we’ve known each other since we were little.”

“Which is why I think it wasn’t as big of a deal to tell Gabe. It’s Gabe, who’s going to give him the support he needs, but also get his mind off things. I don’t think you can blame Peter for gravitating towards him.”

Lara Jean chews on the corner of her lip, stretching her legs out in front of her. “I don’t know how to forgive him. For thinking that I’d ever side with his dad, or think that his dad would ever been in the right in this case. Or for confiding in Gabe and not feeling like he could confide in me.”

“I don’t think forgiving him happens all at once,” Chris says softy. She’s serious, caring, and right now it’s everything Lara Jean needs from her. “I think maybe you learn to forgive him little by little. He did the only thing he could think of doing in that moment. And yes, it sucked, and he definitely shouldn’t have done it, but that doesn’t mean that he needs to be hated for the rest of his life by you.”

“I don’t hate him.”

“I know you don’t,” Chris replies softly. “But you can be mad at him and realize that he was going through a lot of shit that he was scared to admit. And when you do that and give him a chance to realize that he can fix this, I think things will be okay.”

Lara Jean smiles, leaning her head back. “How do you always know what to say?”

“Because I know you. And I know you’re overthinking this when you don’t have to be. Peter has always been an incredible friend to you, and you shouldn’t throw that away because of something he did in the heat of the moment.”

There’s a pause, and then Chris speaks again. “Besides, I think him offering to drive across the country with you when he knew he was going to have to come clean about all of this is some pretty ballsy shit,” She says, both of them laughing.

Lara Jean listens to Chris’ adventures in dating until the two of them are laughing and barely able to breathe, and by the time they hang up Lara Jean finds that she misses her best friend more than anything, already counting down the days until she comes to visit her in San Diego.

—

The next time Peter wakes up the sunlight is gone, the curtains are drawn, and Lara Jean is standing beside him with a bowl of warm soup in her hands. “I didn’t want to wake you up, but you need to eat something and this was all room service had that I thought you’d like,” She says quietly.

Peter nods, shifting to sit up before taking the bowl from her and setting it on his lap. Lara Jean watches him for a moment, setting two more pills down on the nightstand next to a bottle of water. “I got you ginger ale, too. If you’d rather have that,” She says, setting that down beside the water before sitting on her own bed.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” He rasps, willingly allowing Lara Jean to feel his forehead again, watching as her eyebrows crease and she mumbles that he still has a fever.

“I’ll always take care of you, Peter,” She says in reply, nudging his hand. “Now, eat so you can take more medicine that will hopefully help break this fever.”

For a while, the only sound in the room is the TV. Lara Jean lets Peter choose what to put on, which he ends up settling on Food Network because he knows she likes it. He eats his soup and tries not to think about the burning in his throat it’s so sore, and just as he’s about to give up and reach for more medicine, Lara Jean breaks the silence.

“I get why you did what you did,” She says quietly. She stares straight ahead, plucking a fry from her plate and chewing it methodically. “You were scared, and you were afraid of bringing me into the middle of it. And while I wish that you didn’t push me away or stop answering me, I get that you were doing what you felt like you needed to do.”

Peter turns to look at her, nodding. “I’m so sorry, Lara Jean.”

Lara Jean holds her hand up to him, finally looking in his direction. “You didn’t need to be embarrassed about what you dad said about you. And you didn’t have to feel like I would ever believe any of it. Peter, you worked so hard to get that scholarship, and I am so proud of you for doing it.”

Peter blushes, turning back to his soup as he nods. “I don’t expect you to just forgive me.”

“And I don’t,” Lara Jean says. There’s a small smile on her face, but as she eats another fry, she turns more serious. “But I will, you know. I’ll forgive you for this, and I’ll learn to understand that you needed Gabe to be the rock for you in that moment. And all you wanted was to protect me.”

Peter nods, coughing as he sinks back into the pillows. “I promise I’m going to show you how sorry I am for ruining everything that we had between us.”

Lara Jean nods, pushing her plate onto the nightstand. She watches from afar as Peter takes the medicine and sinks back into the pillows, taking the deepest breath he can before he coughs.

“Feeling any better?” She asks, smiling at Peter as he looks over at her with hooded eyes.

“Eh,” He says after a minute. “I mean, I guess slightly. Do you think I’ll be fine in the morning?”

“Hopefully your fever at least breaks overnight,” She sighs. “But I think that cough is going to linger for a little while.”

Peter nods, yawns, and sinks further down to where Lara Jean can just barely see him.

She gets up to brush her teeth, shutting off the lights as she makes her way back to her bed. “I want to be best friends again,” She says quietly, unsure if Peter is even still awake. “I miss our friendship so much. I miss _you_ so much,” She finishes, looking back over to where Peter is in his bed.

And through the glow of the TV, Peter is looking back at her. “I want nothing more than to earn the honor of being your best friend again,” He whispers. “And we can get there,” He promises.

Lara Jean nods, watching TV until Peter’s breathing evens and he’s snoring gently, congested. And when she shuts off the TV she thinks about how maybe even though things aren’t perfect right now, this talk was a step in the right direction.

A step into getting her best friend back in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for reading/commenting/leaving kudos! i'm so glad you're enjoying this :)
> 
> more next Sunday :)
> 
> title of the chapter is from Habit by Louis Tomlinson :)


	11. you're part of me more than anyone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean starts to understand Peter a little more.

Peter wakes up to the sunlight streaming through the thin curtain of the hotel room and Lara Jean dead asleep in the bed next to him.

He reaches for the water bottle on the nightstand, drinking until he it’s gone and he feels mildly better.

The first thing he notices when he’s more awake is that he’s covered in sweat. He feels weak, but no longer feels like he’s dying, and maybe that’s enough to get him through the day.

Taking a few sips of the Gatorade, Peter swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands up shakily, watching Lara Jean for a moment to make sure that she doesn’t wake up.

He showers, letting the warm water pour over his aching muscles, the steam helping to stop the coughing, if only momentarily.

By the time he finally forces himself out of the shower Lara Jean is awake, scrolling through her phone with the TV on.

“I was surprised to see you out of bed,” She smiles when Peter walks back into the room, running the towel over his head. “Although I did think for a split second that maybe you were throwing up.”

Peter turns back to her, smiling. “I barely ate anything yesterday. I don’t think I have anything _to_ throw up,” He smirks.

“Feeling better?”

Peter shrugs, pulling a sweatshirt over his torso. “Mostly, yeah. Just a little weak.”

Lara Jean furrows her eyebrows, kicking the comforter off and walking over. Perching on her tip toes, she rests her hand against the back of his forehead. “Not as warm, and you look like you have some color back in your cheeks.” She takes a step back, realizing how intimate it all felt, and looks down. “I think you’re almost better.”

Peter nods, watching as she crosses the room, handing him more medicine. “Just in case. Sometimes you feel better after showers, but it’s not totally true. Besides, I think you do still have a fever.”

“Shouldn’t you be sure about this?” Peter asks, raising his eyebrows in amusement. “I mean, you are a doctor.”

Lara Jean flushes, falling back onto her bed. “Yes, but it’s not like I can take your vitals right now. I don’t… I shipped it all to San Diego. Also, that’s a little weird.”

Peter laughs, reaching for the water as he takes the pills, nodding in agreement. “Definitely weird, Covey. I would prefer that you’re not my doctor unless absolutely necessary. It’s just… it feels like it’s crossing a line.”

“Agreed,” Lara Jean nods.

She orders breakfast for the two of them, managing to convince Peter to attempt to eat some eggs when she promises that they won’t upset his stomach too much.

“I think we only have about four hours of driving. Which means we can take our time,” He says when he’s finished most of his eggs, reaching for his toast. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to see too much of Oklahoma City yesterday. Maybe we walk around and explore?”

Lara Jean looks back towards Peter, nodding. “We can do that, if you think you’re up for it.”

Peter, who looks mildly more enthusiastic, manages to nod around the last bite of his toast. “Let’s do that, then we’ll drive,” He decides, and so Lara Jean agrees, getting ready while Peter finishes getting ready as well.

—

Lara Jean and Peter spend a rare day in the sunshine, walking through the unfamiliar streets and admiring the history. Lara Jean finds a museum online they walk through on their way around town, and by the time it’s lunch and they slip into a cafe down the street from the hotel, it’s obvious Peter is masking a yawn.

“I’m going to drive,” Lara Jean declares after they’ve ordered, stirring the cherry around in her coke.

Peter mimics her actions, looking at her with raised eyebrows. “Are you saying that because I yawned? Because I’m fine,” He insists, but Lara Jean can tell he’s lying.

She sits up straight, smoothing her hands over the napkin on her lap as she shakes her head. “I just think it’s better if you get some rest. We’ve been exploring all day, it’s a short drive, and you’re still not totally better.”

Peter rolls his eyes, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Somehow you were much more chill when you weren’t a doctor.”

Lara Jean blushes, ducking her head. “I just know more about how you’re supposed to let your body recover now. Which you’ve never done before.”

“Touché,” Peter smirks, pointing his spoon in her direction as the waitress sets his soup out in front of him. “What if you drive the first half while I sleep, and then I’ll drive the second half? A fair deal, Covey?”

Lara jean stabs a piece of lettuce with her fork, shrugging. “I’ll drive the first half and we’ll see how you’re feeling. Then I’ll make the commitment to that.”

Peter, who’s had a smile on his face the whole lunch, agrees. “You have yourself a deal,” He smiles, taking a bite of his soup. “How are you feeling now that we’re getting closer to San Diego?”

Lara Jean mulls the question over for a minute, shrugging.

In all honesty, she’d been so wrapped up in the journey and Peter’s confession and just making it across the country in one piece that it hadn’t crossed her mind to think about what life in a new city is going to be like.

“I’m excited to start residency,” She starts with, but it’s entirely unconvincing and Peter looks at her with an amused expression, taking another bite of soup. “And I’m excited that there won’t be bad weather. Just sunshine. No more cold and snow.”

“It does get cold in San Diego,” He reminds her, “just not as bad as you’re used to.”

Lara Jean nods, taking another bite of salad as she reaches for her drink. “Yeah, but we’re closer to the beach. And I think it’ll be nice on my days off to just go there and soak in the sea air.”

Peter has this sort of look on his face — one that Lara Jean doesn’t think she’s seen before. It’s soft and amused and happy all at once, and for a trip that had gone so south a few days prior, Lara Jean is finding it incredibly hard to stand her ground on being slow with building things back up.

“Are you excited to get back to San Diego?”

Peter pushes his soup bowl away, nodding. “Not excited about work,” He smiles, “But I am excited to see my friends and introduce them to you. And to show you around the town. You’ll love it.”

Lara Jean nods, watching him. “Do you think you’ll ever move back home?” She asks after a moment, staring at her salad until her eyes blur.

She hears Peter shift across from him, moving her gaze back. “I think so, yeah,” He nods, sitting up straighter. “Don’t tell anyone, Covey, but I actually really miss my mom. And Owen.”

Lara Jean smiles. “I’m sure she misses having you so close.”

Peter shrugs, leaning back. “I don’t know, she really enjoys visiting San Diego.”

Sitting up as she laughs, Lara Jean finishes off her salad, reaching for her coke. “I like that maybe this isn’t so permanent for you.”

“Oh, do you?” Peter smirks. He leans forward, resting his head on his arms. “Gonna miss me when you move back?”

“Maybe,” She teases, but she can’t even think about being long distance again if they are able to fix things. “I just think life with you close by is better than life with you far apart. And it’ll be easier for us to fix all of this.”

The waitress sets the check down, and before Lara Jean has a chance to, Peter grabs it. “For taking care of me while I was on my death bed,” He insists, interrupting Lara Jean with a smile every time she opens her mouth to protest.

“We have your whole residency to fix things,” He reminds her. “Now, let’s get going to Amarillo, yes?”

Lara Jean nods, sliding out of the booth and following him out the door, back towards the hotel with too many thoughts running through her brain.

—

By the time Lara Jean settles in on the highway, Peter is pressed against the window with his pillow fast asleep.

He shifts underneath the seatbelt, coughing before settling once more, and Lara Jean turns on an audiobook to kill the time she knows she’ll be spending alone.

With Peter asleep it gives Lara Jean time to think. About the future, about she and Peter, about the new life she was about to embark on.

She thinks the adjusting to San Diego will be the easiest part. The warm weather, sunshine, and proximity to the beach is enough to make her dream about days off and basking in the warm sunshine, long winters now behind her.

The future is terrifying, but she feels like maybe this is all laid out for her now. She’ll finish residency and then get a job either in San Diego or back home, and that’ll be the start of her professional career.

Of course then there’s dating and getting married and maybe even starting a family, but it’s too much to think about and Lara Jean feels herself getting anxious about thinking that far ahead, and so she stops herself and thinks about something else.

Like how Peter is back in her life under the oddest of circumstances. And how he apologized and hurt her more in the process all at once, and how she’s still trying to piece all of that back together.

The truth is, she thinks she’s okay with not knowing what happens to the two of them. She spent so many years wondering what she did to make him leave so quickly, to push him away as if their years of friendship had meant nothing to him.

And now he’s back, and maybe things aren’t perfect or maybe they won’t last forever between them, but she’s learning to live in the moment. The moment where she and Peter are driving across the country so she can start a new chapter in her life, where they’ll be living in the same apartment building and building back the relationship that they had just a few short years ago.

It’s a future she thinks maybe she can handle right now.

—

When they’re an hour and half away from Amarillo, Peter declares that he wants to drive.

“I took medicine a while ago, I feel perfectly fine to drive, and there’s like no traffic,” He argues when he’s done booking them a place to stay for the night.

Lara Jean hesitates, biting off a piece of licorice between her teeth as she moves to exit the highway. “Fine,” She concedes, because she can’t think of a good enough answer to refute his requests, and also because she’s desperate for a break, even if it’s short.

Peter lights up as he sits up straighter, pointing to a rest stop down the road for her to pull into so they can switch. Lara Jean takes a minute to stretch, watching as Peter adjusts the drivers seat and sits down, looking over when she joins him in the car.

“Are you going to sleep?”

“Definitely not,” Lara Jean refutes, buckling her seat belt and reaching for more snacks. “I’m a little fearful that you’re still not feeling well.”

Peter rolls his eyes with a smile on his face, shaking his head. “I’m _fine_ ,” he promises, which really doesn’t do all that much to calm Lara Jean, who nods anyway as Peter makes his way back to the highway.

The first few minutes are quiet, and then, when Peter looks settled and they’re safely maneuvering through the slight traffic, Lara Jean stares straight ahead.

“Why did you feel like you could confide in Gabe and not me?”

It’s been a question nagging the back of her mind since the night he told her. One that she isn’t sure she wants to hear the answer, but feels that she needs it to continue to forgive him.

Peter sucks in a breath, glancing over at Lara Jean. “I don’t know,” He says initially, and then he sighs, leaning back in the seat as he focuses on the road. “I guess… things are just different between guy friends. And while Gabe was god awful at emotional advice, he was always down for just getting a beer or playing video games or just doing nothing with me to get my mind off of it,” He pauses. “I don’t know that it would’ve been like that with you.”

“It wouldn’t have been,” Lara Jean says quietly. She knows this, even though she doesn’t want to admit it. “I know I would’ve asked you how you were feeling or maybe tried to get you to talk about it, and maybe it would’ve been overbearing, but Peter. That was a really hard time in your life and you should’ve been able to talk to someone about it besides your mom.”

“No, I know,” He says, shaking his head. “And looking back, I wish I hadn't pushed you away. Because I did need to talk about things. I needed to confront how they made me feel. And I couldn’t really do that with Gabe.”

Lara Jean nods, letting the words settle in the car for a minute. She stares a head, legs tapping on the floor of the car, fingers tapping to the beat of the music.

“I understand it now,” She says softly. She forces herself to look at him. “Why you pushed me away.”

“Doesn’t mean I should’ve done it,” He mumbles, coughing. “It was still shitty of me.”

“Oh, definitely,” Lara Jean agrees, laughing. “But I get it more now. Why you thought that’s what you needed to do. And while maybe I don’t agree with it, I can get why you did it.”

Peter nods. It’s quiet for a minute, and then he extends his hand across the console. She stares at it for a moment and then takes his hand, squeezing.

Progress.

—

Peter rented a studio apartment just off the highway in Amarillo, one with one bed and a sofa that was clearly no going to work for either of them.

“I know you’re probably still mad at me, so we can use the throw pillows to make a barrier so we don’t roll into each other or whatever. It’s what Owen and I do on vacation,” Peter says quietly, dropping his bag by the door and falling onto the sofa. “This is just the first place I could find short notice.”

Lara Jean turns back to him, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I was never mad at you,” She sighs. “Upset, yes. But that doesn’t mean I want to build a pillow barrier between the two of us,” She smiles. “Besides, we’re doing better, right?”

“Right,” Peter nods, sitting up. “I’m going call my mom. Dinner after?” He asks, smiling when Lara Jean nods as he walks onto the balcony of the small apartment.

He flicks through his phone, texts his mom to let her know they’re safe, and promptly dials Gabe.

“I told her,” is how he greets him when he answers, leaning back into the chair. “I couldn’t keep going through this trip with that on my back.”

Gabe’s silent for a moment. “How did she take it?”

“She was upset,” Peter sighs. He looks out onto the parking lot below them, the last of the sun over the horizon, and chews on the corner of his lip. “She was hurt more than anything that I could confide in you to an extent.”

“Of course that hurt her, Kavinsky,” Gabe reminds him. “You two were best friends. If anything, people would’ve thought you’d drop me.”

Tilting the chair back, Peter sighs. “I just wish that there was a way I could show her that I’m different now.”

“You being on that road trip with her is proving that,” Gabe says. “Is she still upset?”

“It’s getting better,” He decides after a moment. Gabe hums on the other side of the line, shifting.

“It’ll be okay. You two will fix this and by the time you’re to San Diego it’ll be like old times,” He encourages. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. It’ll take time, Peter, but it’ll be okay.”

Peter just has to believe him.

—

Lara Jean taps her toes on the hardwood as the dial rings in her ear, Naomi picking up on the last ring.

“It’s been a few days, I was beginning to think it was just a prank call,” She laughs when Lara Jean asks her what took so long, and immediately the tension is gone from her body and she starts to relax.

“Well, I’ve had a wild few days,” Lara Jean begins. She recounts the story of Peter drifting away and why he did what he did, growing anxious again when she’s met with silence for a moment.

“I have to say, I really don’t want to hate Peter Kavinsky,” Naomi decides after a minute, “But that kind of makes me hate him. And feel bad for him at the same time.”

“He’s spent so much time apologizing this trip that I feel like I can’t hate him anymore,” Lara Jean says quietly. “I’m upset, yeah, but god. I don’t know what I would’ve done in that situation.”

Naomi hesitates, sighing. “You would’ve tried to protect everyone from your pain. Just like Peter tried to do for you,” She says quietly. “You two are too similar. Are you sure you’ve never been a thing?”

“Positive,” Lara Jean quips quickly.

“I think you should give it time. You’ve been through a lot together,” Naomi reminds her. “Also, friendships don’t repair themselves. I have faith you two will fix this.”

Lara Jean leans back on the bed, laughing as Naomi tells her stories about her moving for her residency, and before long her stomach hurts from everything she’s missed and she’s aching for the familiarity of her own place and her own stories with her friends, finally feeling excited about life in San Diego and the new adventures that await in front of her.

She eventually hangs up and looks out to the balcony to see Peter asleep in the chair on the balcony, snapping a photo for posterity as she turns on her side and watches him for a moment.

For everything they’ve been through and everything they still need to work out, Lara Jean can’t imagine doing this trip with anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos :) you're all the best :)
> 
> more next sunday!
> 
> title of the chapter is from The Few Things by JP Saxe :)
> 
> <3 <3 <3


	12. we want the same thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things begin to shift.

The first thing Lara Jean realizes when she wakes up is that there’s a weight across her middle.

She blinks quickly, rapidly trying to move the bleariness away, and then realizes Peter’s hand is on her other side.

His arm is around her.

She sucks in a breath, shifting slightly underneath his grasp he’s taken a hold of in the middle of the night. Worried that he’s going to regret it she thinks about moving, and then decides against it.

As it turns out, being in Peter’s arms feels safe. Warm. Comforting. She can feel his breathing steady against the back or her neck, his forehead pressed to her hair. He fits against her like he was meant to be there this whole time, and for as much as Lara Jean thinks maybe this is moving too fast, she’s okay with it.

She thinks maybe it’s everything she’s been waiting for.

She presses back against him slightly, listening to the birds chirp outside the open window and the traffic slowly start picking up on the highway just outside, thinking about the long drive they have ahead of them that day and how the road trip is slowly coming to an end.

Just as Lara Jean debates sliding out from Peter’s grasp to at least start getting ready, Peter stirs behind her. He’s slow to wake up — always has been — but as he shifts and slowly comes to, she feels him freeze and pull his arm back slowly.

“You awake?” He mumbles, to which Lara Jean nods, chewing on her lip.

“I have been for a little while.”

“Have I… have we been cuddling this whole time?”

“We have,” Lara Jean mumbles. She thinks maybe Peter will apologize, abruptly get up and forget abut the whole thing, not wanting to admit that they slept spooning.

“I can move,” He mumbles, but instead he throws his arm back over her, yawning and closing his eyes again.

Lara Jean smiles, relaxes in his arms, and hopes this isn’t all some wicked dream.

—

“I’m just saying, it’s a miracle we weren’t cuddling sooner,” Peter smirks as he bites into his toast at the diner they found a little ways into the trip, watching in amusement as Lara Jean squirms in the booth across from him. “Besides, it’s not the first time that’s happened.”

And Peter’s right, it’s not. But this time felt different, even if he doesn’t feel the same way. She watches him for a moment, sighing as she picks up a piece of bacon. “I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all,” She decides, but it sounds fake and Peter can definitely see right through it, pointed eyes and all. “I guess I just thought you’d keep your distance. You have every other time we shared a bed.”

“Felt different this time, I guess,” He shrugs, reaching for a piece of bacon off her plate. “Are you mad about it?”

Lara Jean shakes her head quickly, smiling. “No, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world.”

“That almost sounded like a compliment.”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. “You shouldn’t take it as an insult.”

“I’m just saying, you’ve probably never been cuddled better than me.”

Lara Jean narrows her eyes, looking at him. “How would you know that, Peter Kavinsky?” She challenges, watching as Peter sits back, a smug look of victory planted on his face. “You do realize I’ve had boyfriends. And we were _always_ just friends.”

Peter smiles, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’ve never once complained about cuddling with me.”

“We were kids,” She replies weakly. She swirls her pancake around in the syrup, tearing her gaze away from his. “Things were different back then.”

Peter looks at her intently, chewing on the corner of his lip. She didn’t explicitly say it, but instead implied that she saw this cuddling as something different.

And in hindsight, maybe Peter wanted it to. Maybe he was hoping that she would want to cuddle again later when they’ve finally made it to the Grand Canyon. Or maybe she’d be open to talking more about them.

Because like it or not, Peter feels like things have shifted this trip. He spent so much time worrying that it was going to end in them hating each other that the thought of having feelings for Lara Jean never crossed his mind.

Until this moment.

He looks at her, watches the way she braids her hair easily as she leans back and pushes her plate away, rubbing at the corner of her eye. She looks the same as she did all those years ago, but there’s something different now.

Time, he tells himself. Maturity. Comfortability with moving on from things he did in the past and his apology.

He’s so deep in thought that he doesn’t hear Lara Jean ask a question until she’s leaning forward, studying him for a moment. “Do you not feel well again?” She asks softly, resting her elbows on the table. “I asked you more about San Diego life and you completely ignored me.”

Peter shakes his head, sighing. “No, sorry. I feel fine,” He clarifies, then leans back. “I was just zoned out.”

Lara Jean looks uneasy but nods anyway, watching him. “So, tell me more about where we’ll be living.”

Peter smiles, sinking down into the plastic-covered cushion as he reaches for his coffee. “Well, we’re about a 10 minute walk to the beach. Which is perfect because the weather is usually always great and you’ll want to spend all your days off there getting a tan. Maybe even hanging out with me.”

Lara Jean raises her eyebrows, laughing. “Maybe so, Kavinsky,” She says quietly. “What else?”

Peter thinks about it for a minute, smiling. “There’s a donut place around the corner from our apartment building,” He says, leaning forward. “I tend to visit there a few too many times a week.”

Lara Jean’s smile grows wider. “I’ll definitely be stopping by there.”

“It’s amazing,” Peter says quickly, smiling. “They have different kinds every week. We could do some serious damage there.”

“And it’s on the way home from the hospital?”

Peter nods. “And on my way to school,” He adds, “Maybe we could meet there in the mornings?”

Lara Jean feels the heat rush to her face, nodding slowly. “I think that would be nice.”

Peter pays for the bill while Lara Jean goes to the bathroom, and when they hop back in the car to set off on their drive to the Grand Canyon, Peter suddenly feels at ease with all of this. The road trip, Lara Jean being his neighbor, the two of them being friends again.

—

The drive to Arizona is barren and long stretches of road with nothing else in sight, and Lara Jean takes a million photos from the passenger seat because she thinks it looks like the most cliche road trip scenery she’s ever seen.

Peter watches her, a smile on his face as he watches the road in front of them. “You’re sure you’re okay with a 12 hour drive?” He asks when the song ends, reaching forward to turn the volume down slightly.

Lara Jean scrolls through the photos on her phone, glancing over. “Yeah, I’m okay with it. Are you okay with it?” She asks, letting her phone fall into her lap. “Because if you’re not, I thought maybe we’d stop in Albuquerque. And we haven’t passed that yet.”

Peter shakes his head, smiling. “I’m okay with it,” He nods. “I just… you know this means we’ll probably get to San Diego a day early, right?”

For a moment, Lara Jean is okay with that. She thinks maybe it’ll give her more time to settle in, organize that things that she shipped out and she and Peter can build her furniture.

And then she remembers that she doesn’t get the keys to her apartment until Sunday.

Which means for one night she wouldn’t have a place to stay.

“You can stay at my place. You’re more than welcome,” Peter continues before she says anything, as if he was reading her mind. “And Trish, the landlord, loves me. So maybe she’d let us sneak a few things into the apartment the night before, even if you can’t officially have the keys.”

Lara Jean smiles, leaning back. “So you’re saying you’re incredibly infectious charm works on girls still?”

Peter, who manages the smallest of blushes, shrugs. “What can I say, Covey? It’s a hard trait to just shut off.”

Lara Jean shoves Peter in the shoulder, rolling her eyes.

“In all seriousness, it’s not a bad thing to be there a day early,” Peter continues after a beat of silence. “I mean sure, my apartment is probably not clean and you’ll probably be sick of me after a few more days, but at least we won’t be stuck in a car and we can walk around your new neighborhood.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of you, Peter,” Lara Jean replies quietly, looking over at him with a smile on her face.

For a split second Peter thinks about pulling over and kissing her right there. It’s a feeling that’s been nagging him the last few days, but after this morning and suddenly things feeling like they were back in high school again he thinks maybe he should just take a leap of faith and tell her how he feels.

But instead he just smiles. “I don’t get tired of you either, Covey,” He retorts, and she laughs in the passenger seat and turns on another song, and they go back to singing obnoxiously together.

—

Peter wishes he had been filming when he and Lara Jean finally pull up to their new AirBnB that night.

It’s a tiny house, and Lara Jean is equal parts confused and so enamored by the concept that she almost forgets to unbuckle her seatbelt when he puts the car in park.

“Holy shit, a whole tiny house _community_?!” She says, feet crunching on the gravel beneath them as they walk up to the front door. “Peter, what the hell?”

“Isn’t it cute?” He asks, dropping their bags just inside the door. “It seemed like your thing.”

“I think they’re adorable, if not wholly impractical,” She laughs, walking around the small house.

“Obviously just one bed again, but I felt like maybe that was our brand.”

Lara Jean nods, disappearing back into the bedroom and then back into the living room again, bewilderment written all over her face.

While Peter goes to call his mom Lara Jean pulls out her phone, FaceTiming Kitty.

“Oh my god, we thought you’d never talk to us again!” She answers dramatically as Lara Jean falls onto the sofa and rolls her eyes dramatically. “Are you in a hotel?”

Hiding her smile, Lara Jean shakes her head. “We’ve been AirBnB renting? It’s been going really well,” She says. Kitty rattles off a million questions, but Margot is much more reserved about the thought of them being in apartments together. “This one is a tiny house, Margot. Don’t you think that’s pretty neat?”

Margot hesitates, hiding a smile behind the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “That is pretty cool,” She admits. “I just think it’s a lot more intimate,” She argues. “But you seem happy, and that’s what matters.”

“I am happy, GoGo,” She smiles. “Really happy.”

“Because you and Peter are dating?” Kitty chimes in, a smile on her face.

Lara Jean bites her lip. “We’re not dating,” She argues. “But we’ve patched things up.”

“And you totally like him,” Kitty squeals. “Oh my god, this is amazing.”

“Kitty,” Margot sighs, resting her hand on Kitty’s thigh. “Just because they’ve made things right between each other doesn’t mean they have feelings for each other.”

Kitty rolls her eyes. “Look at Lara Jean. They totally have the hots for each other.”

“Can we _please_ talk about something else?” Lara Jean begs, and without question Margot obliges, changing the topic to her and Kitty’s lives, and that helps Lara Jean’s overwhelming feelings that she absolutely wants this to be more with Peter diminish, if only for a few minutes.

When Lara Jean says that she has to go Kitty sighs and makes her promise to give them more updates soon, and Margot takes the phone for a minute.

“If Kitty is right and you really do have feelings for Peter, don’t squash them because of the past,” Margot says. “He really is a good kid, Lara Jean, and it’s obvious he makes you happy. Do what you think is right.”

“Thanks, Margot,” Lara Jean smiles, and as she hangs up and the words ring through her ears, she thinks maybe this is the beginning she needs to take a leap of faith.

—

Peter and Lara Jean eat cereal for dinner, mostly because there was already milk the AirBnB owner supplied and they didn’t want to drive into town to a restaurant. They watch a movie and sit on the small sofa laughing at how absurd this whole situation is, and by the time they’re done and Lara Jean is fighting off sleep, Peter knows he has to take a chance.

“I know you’re tired and I promise you can go to bed soon, but can I show you something first?” He asks, standing up from the sofa and holding his hand out.

Lara Jean takes it, smiling as she lets him lead her towards the front door, handing her her sandals. “When my mom and I stopped here I was mesmerized by one thing, and I know you’re going to love it as well. Just trust me,” He whispers, opening the front door and bringing her back out in front of the house.

He gestures towards the sky, filled with clear skies and the brightest stars he ever remembers seeing in his life. He’s been waiting the whole trip to show Lara Jean this, knowing that this would be one of her favorite moments of the trip.

“When my mom and I first came here and we saw this, all I could think about is how small we really are, you know?” He says quietly, wrapping his arms around her shoulder. His heart is beating a million miles a minute, he’s fairly sure she can feel it, but he takes a breath and looks up, talking before he chickens out.

“After I got over the awe and beauty of this, I thought of you,” He continues. “And I thought about how you used to talk about the stars and how they’re lights from heaven, and how maybe that’s where your mom watches you and your sisters from.” Lara Jean stills against his side. “And I kept thinking that if I was ever fortunate enough to have you back in my life, that maybe you’d find this place as beautiful as I do.”

There’s silence for a minute, but Lara Jean doesn’t pull away and so Peter looks up at the stars, praying she’ll say something soon.

“Peter,” She finally whispers. “This is… more than anything I could’ve asked for.”

Peter relaxes as Lara Jean turns to face him, and before he can register what’s happening her hands are cupping his face and she’s leaning up on her tip toes, pressing her lips to his.

He startles for a moment, and then relaxes and kisses her back, arms moving down to her waist to pull her closer. She’s the one who breaks it off first, breathless as she pushes her forehead against his.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” She whispers, but she’s not moving and Peter smiles, leaning down and kissing her again.

“Now we both did,” He mumbles against her when he pulls back slightly, laughing. “Lara Jean, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” He says softly.

Lara Jean laughs, resting her head against his chest as he pulls her close, the two of them staring out into the starry sky.

“Do you remember when we were in high school and I said that I was terrified about leaving for college because it meant everything was going to change?” Lara Jean asks after a few minutes. “And you told me that everything would be fine because no matter what happened, we’d always have each other to run home to.”

“I remember,” Peter mumbles, pressing his chin to the top of her head.

Lara Jean takes a breath, wrapping her arms around his middle. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since then,” She admits. “I just couldn’t help but think that out of anyone else I’d meet in my life, no one would be quite as special as you.”

Peter smiles, pulling her tighter against him as he kisses her hair. “Even though it’s been years, I’m glad you finally got that kiss,” He whispers. “And I’m glad I finally found the courage to be honest with you.”

“Me too,” Lara Jean smiles, and as the air grows colder and night drags on, Lara Jean pulls Peter back into the house, the two of them settling into bed.

“I don’t know what this means for us,” Peter says as Lara Jean braids her hair, shutting off her bedside light, “But I’m so ready to find out.”

Lara Jean looks over, smiling. “I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life,” She smiles, and as she kisses him again just because she can, Peter feels the butterflies in his stomach he’s been fighting off this whole trip, his smile growing wider.

Tonight Lara Jean curls up against Peter’s side, and as he falls asleep beneath her, her head resting against his chest, she finally feels like maybe she found that home she’s so desperately been missing with him for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for reading/commenting/leaving kudos!
> 
> what did you guys think of the movie?! :)
> 
> more next sunday!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Lost in Translation by Johnnyswim :)


	13. I love me some home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they finally make it to San Diego

There’s a different feeling when Peter wakes up the next morning.

For starters, Lara Jean is pressed against his side, hand splayed across his middle. His arm had been wrapped around her, now numb and tingling down to his fingertips from her head. He thinks about sliding it out, knowing she’s a heavy sleeper, but stops himself when he realizes that he’s actually incredibly comfortable.

Lara Jean kissed him yesterday.

The sentence runs through his brain a million times, and every time it sends butterflies through his stomach and his heart beating so fast that he feels it’ll pop out of his chest, but it’s one that he doesn’t want to let go of.

The thing is, he’d been trying to find the courage to do that for weeks. Since the first day he saw her sitting in that booth at the cafe, he’d wanted to kiss her.

He didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was maturity, maybe it was the fact that it had been years and he forgot how familiar everything felt with her, but all he could think about was how he wanted to kiss her, wanted to be with her and have this be more than just them going on a road trip together.

And now, in their last city before they’re in San Diego and at the beginning of their new lives, it’s happening.

Above him, Lara Jean stirs. She rolls over and off his arm, and Peter gently moves it to get feeling back again as Lara Jean opens her eyes, smiling. “Morning,” She mumbles, pushing her hair away from her face and looking over at him. “Did last night actually happen?”

Peter’s face spreads into a grin, rolling onto his side as he kisses the top of her head. “It did,” He whispers.

“And was it the most cliche thing ever?”

Peter laughs this time, rolling his eyes. “Most people would probably say it was,” He smiles.

And then he leans down, kissing her lips softly, pulling her closer. “And now I can do this whenever I want,” He mumbles.

For a moment, he thinks maybe Lara Jean is going to ask him what this means for the two of them. But instead she just smiles, kissing him again eagerly, and the trip to the Grand Canyon and the 8 hour driving awaiting them suddenly feels so far in the future that Peter doesn’t even care about it.

—

Lara Jean takes advantage of Peter showering that morning by calling Chris, shaking her legs as she sits on the end of the bed praying that she’ll answer her phone.

“Isn’t it so early for you?” Chris answers. “I mean, what? You have to be three hours behind us now.”

“Arizona is still two hours behind you guys, Chris,” Lara Jean says softly, smiling. “But I have something to tell you.”

“If it’s not that you and Peter have finally realized your true feelings for each other and had passionate sex in one of your spontaneous AirBnB bookings, then frankly I think it’s too early for you to be calling me, Lara Jean.”

Lara Jean laughs, falling back onto the bed to stare at the ceiling. “If you take out the sex part, then you were correct,” She says, and then she’s smiling and she feels like an idiot, rolling onto her side. “Peter and I kissed last night. And this morning.”

“Holy shit, Lara Jean! I was kidding!” Chris says, laughing. “I can’t believe you and Kavinsky finally realized all of this! How was the kiss?”

“Amazing,” Lara Jean sighs. She blushes, smiling. “I can’t believe I’m actually kissing Peter Kavinsky.”

“I’m just glad you finally are,” Chris teases. “Seriously, LJ, you sound really happy.”

Lara Jean smiles, thinking about it for a moment. “I _am_ really happy,” She says, chewing on the corner of her lip.

“So did he kiss you? How did he do it?”

“Actually, I kissed him,” Lara Jean admits, laughing when Chris squeals on the other line and says something incoherent about being incredibly proud of her.

“I didn’t think you actually had it in you, LJ. I’m proud of you,” She says, and as Lara Jean tells her what happened and the two laugh about how long this had been coming, Lara Jean is pretty sure she couldn’t feel happier than she does in that moment.

—

They manage to get to the Grand Canyon early enough that they beat most of the tourists, parking and beginning the hike. “I promise this will be worth it,” Peter says, and as the trail begins to incline slightly he reaches back, taking Lara Jean’s hand in his.

It’s subtle, Lara Jean knows, but her heart is fluttering and she squeezes slightly, not missing the smile appearing at the corner of Peter’s lips as he waits for her to catch up to him before they continue walking.

“Ready?” He asks when they reach just before the Grand Canyon, smiling. Lara Jean nods, squeezing his hand as they walk around the corner and overlook the Grand Canyon, the sun now high in the sky just over the horizon.

“Oh my god,” She whispers, leaning against Peter’s side as they slowly walk towards the edge. “It’s so…”

“Beautiful?” Peter finishes. Lara Jean nods, smiling as Peter’s lips press against her hair. “I thought the same thing when my mom and I came. It’s insane, right?”

“Extremely,” Lara Jean mumbles. Her legs shake as she takes another step closer to the edge, never letting go of Peter’s hand as she looks down at the valley below them, trying to take it all in.

She snaps a few photos, sending them to Kitty and Margot although she knows it doesn’t do the view justice. She and Peter stay there for a little, and Lara Jean’s heart flutters every time she turns to kiss him, falling in love with the way his mouth feels on hers when he’s smiling.

“We should get going before it gets too crowded and we get to San Diego too late,” He mumbles against her ear, and as Lara Jean takes one more look out over the horizon she nods, turning back and following Peter back to the car.

—

They make it a little over two hours into the drive before they stop for lunch at a diner on the side of the road that Peter thinks they could get murdered at it’s so far out of civilization.

“It’s just a diner, Peter. I’m sure we’ll be fine,” Lara Jean argues, but Peter is skeptical as he locks the car and follows her in, only slightly relieved to find that there are other diners in there, most of them looking like tourists.

The waitress introduces herself as Nancy and slides two waters in front of them, taking their drink orders while Lara Jean pours over the menu, trying to decide what to get.

“We always order the same things at diners,” Peter smiles as he closes his menu, but Lara Jean looks up and shrugs.

“Maybe I’m feeling something else this go around.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it,” He smirks, hiding his laughs when the waitress comes back and Lara Jean orders her normal stack of pancakes like she has at every other diner they’ve stopped at on the way.

“How many hours of driving do you think we have left?” Lara Jean asks as she reaches for her coke, taking a sip.

Peter glances at his phone, shrugging. “Probably about six hours,” He decides, setting his phone back down on the table. “Six hours of desert and virtually no other cars. We’ll get to San Diego around 8 I think.”

“And then you can take me to your favorite place to get food?” She says, and her hopeful look makes Peter laugh as he nods.

“Of course. We’ll stop by my apartment and drop our things off and maybe shower in a shower that is familiar to me and at least mine for you, and then we’ll go to my favorite place a few blocks away together for dinner to celebrate finally making it to San Diego and no longer having to be crammed in that car for long stretches.”

Lara Jean smiles, her heart fluttering as she nods, twisting her straw between her fingers. “It’s hard to believe I’m going to be in the city I’m living in in a few hours.”

“Crazy, right? This whole road trip thing really worked out.”

“Who would’ve thought?” Lara Jean teases, nudging Peter’s legs under the table. He smiles, kicking her back, and when they both laugh and the waitress smiles at them as she sets their food down, Peter thinks that maybe things were always meant to fall apart so they could be like this again.

Lara Jean pays for their lunch, putting money down for a tip while Peter goes to the bathroom. She leaves the booth when she sees him, and when he reaches out his hand for her she takes it, interlacing their fingers and smiling up at him as they walk out the door.

“Do we trade off on driving for the rest of the way?” Peter asks as he reaches for the keys, holding them in his hand.

Lara Jean contemplates it for a moment, and then nods. “I say yes, but only if you drive us into San Diego. You know where we’re going.”

Peter nods, tossing the keys to Lara Jean. “We’ll have to stop for gas soon. You drive until we get to that point,” He decides, and so Lara Jean nods, climbing into the passenger seat of her car and readjusting the seat, pulling back onto the barren highway where the stretches around them are desert and it feels as if they’ll never see civilization again.

—

Peter takes the time off from driving to catch up on sleep, using Lara Jean’s pillow to curl up against the window.

Lara Jean listens to audio books, sneaking glances at Peter every so often when the light bounces off his phone in his lap. He looks peaceful, content, and for a moment Lara Jean is actually upset that their time crammed into apartments and this car is coming to an end, even though they’re not necessarily leaving the comfort of hanging out together all that often.

Being alone for long stretches means Lara Jean has time to think about the future. About her upcoming residency, and how long and hard it’s going to be, but how much she’s going to learn in the process.

Or about her and Peter. Because maybe she doesn’t know where things are going to go for the two of them when they leave this road trip. She isn’t sure she has time for a boyfriend, especially for Peter, who deserves as much of her time as she can possibly allow, but she knows that when she thinks about him, she wants to be his.

And maybe that’s something that she doesn’t need to dwell on. Maybe this is one of those things that just is. No explanation, no overthinking or demanding for it to be explained more, just. The two of them doing whatever this is and figuring it out along the way.

She thinks she likes that solution the best.

—

Peter’s turn to drive means that Lara Jean can sleep now, settling in while Peter leaves the rest stop and merges back onto the highway.

“Did you tell your sisters about us?” Peter asks once they’re settled into the drive, glancing over at Lara Jean.

Lara Jean shakes her head. “I didn’t have a chance yet. Just Chris for now.”

“Let’s call them then.”

“Peter.”

“What?” He laughs, looking over again. “Look, we don’t have to label it anything. But I have to believe that Kitty was pretty confident this was going to happen.”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, reaching for her phone. “She was obnoxious about it.”

Peter laughs as Lara Jean dials Margot’s number, relieved to hear that she was home and she and Kitty were together now.

“Well, last night Peter and I kissed,” Lara Jean says, straight to the point. The two of them wait for a moment, and then the other line becomes chaotic and there’s a lot of squealing and gloating from Kitty and all Peter and Lara Jean can really do is laugh at the whole thing together, sharing a glance as they shake their heads.

“I really had bet on it happening sooner,” Kitty says when they’ve calmed down.

“Yeah, well. It happened when it happened, and we wanted you guys to know.”

“I’m just glad you guys actually did something about those feelings you were obviously hiding,” She retorts, and Lara Jean can practically feel the smugness through her words of her little sister who most definitely called this happening all along.

“Okay well we’re going to lose signal so I’ll text when we’re in San Diego! Love you both!” Lara Jean says quickly, hanging up before her sister’s can protest.

Peter waits until Lara Jean tosses her phone into her lap and groans loudly before he laughs, leaning back against the headrest and reaching over to pat Lara Jean’s thigh. “I live for Kitty’s reactions. And I should’ve known she had bets on this.”

“She has bets on anything related to us,” Lara Jean reminds him, plugging his phone in and turning on his music as she settles into the pillow that now smells like him and makes her wonder how she just fell so hard so fast.

—

Lara Jean’s asleep when Peter turns onto the final stretch of highway leading into San Diego. The last of the sun hangs lazily over the horizon, the traffic has picked up, and as the final countdown is in sight and the sanity Peter feels he’s losing is almost back, he reaches over and nudges Lara Jean awake.

“We’re pulling into your new home,” He says, smiling as she readjusts in her seat and sits up, watching as Peter exits the highway and navigates the streets she now calls home.

“All the palm trees,” Lara Jean mumbles, pulling her hair up into a bun as Peter smiles, nodding.

“Welcome to San Diego, Lara Jean Covey,” Peter says, stopping at a red light and glancing over. “Your new home for at least the next year.”

Lara Jean nods, pulls her phone to take a million photos, and as Peter parks in front of their new apartment building and Lara Jean texts her dad, she feels this all beginning to settle in.

“Sorry for how messy it is in here,” Peter says when he unlocks the door to his apartment, dropping his bag in the entryway. “You can shower first, I’m going to call my mom and let her know we’re safe.”

He shows her where the bathroom is, grabbing her a clean towel from the closet before making his way back out into the living room, falling onto the sofa he’s missed so much.

His mom answers almost immediately, excited to hear from him. “I take it you’re both safe?” She asks, and Peter smiles, running his hands through his hair.

“Yes, we made it back to my apartment safe,” He says. “She’s going to spend the night here, then I’ll move her in tomorrow.”

“And everything went okay?”

“More than okay,” He breathes. He hesitates, unsure on if to tell her, and then feels like he can’t hide anything. “We um, we kissed last night? And so things might be different.”

“Oh, Peter,” His mom says, and Peter can hear her hiding her excitement and the smile on her face. “I’m so happy, baby. You sound so happy.”

“I am, Mom. I’m just glad that she forgave me and that we’re here.”

“Me too,” She agrees, eagerly listening to the rest of their trip and everything they saw on their way to San Diego.

Lara Jean walks back into the living room and smiles at their conversation, and as Peter hangs up and stands up to shower himself, he leans down to kiss her. “Just because,” He mumbles against her ear, squeezing her sides as he walks into the other room.

—

“Before I take you to get food, I wanted to stop here with you,” Peter says, pulling into a spot at the beach as they walk to sit in the cool sand.

“This is my favorite place to come when I just need space,” Peter goes to explain after a moment, nudging his knee with hers. “I’ve been coming here since I first moved out here. And I think that maybe you’d like it here too.”

“It’s beautiful,” Lara Jean agrees, feeling the wind through her hair and the ocean air, and how everything just feels more relaxed here. “I’m sure it’s even more beautiful when the sun is up.”

“You’re going to love it then,” He promises, smiling. “If you ever have a tough day at work, or maybe you just need some time to yourself, come here. It’s like a magic place.”

Lara Jean nods, leaning her head against Peter’s shoulder. “Thank you for coming with me on this road trip,” She whispers, moving her hand next to his.

“I would do anything you wanted me to, Lara Jean,” He says, pressing his cheek to the top of her head. “This road trip was one of the best weeks of my life.”  
Lara Jean smiles, nodding in agreement. “It brought you back to me.”

Peter smiles, listening to the waves crash against the shore and the birds chirp in the trees, savoring the moment.

“I don’t know where we go from here,” He mumbles, “but I know that you and I? We’re never losing touch again. And I am always going to be right here if you need me.”

“Me too,” Lara Jean whispers. “I want you to talk to me. Don’t push me away again to spare my feelings. I can take it.”

“Always,” Peter promises.

They stay like that for a moment, looking out at the ocean and the stars and growing into their new lives in the same city again, and when Peter moves to get up and holds his hand out to help Lara Jean, he pulls her against him.

“If you thought our first kiss was cliche, this one may take the cake,” He smiles, brushing her hair away from her face as he leans down to kiss her again, softer this time.

Lara Jean perches on her tip toes, kissing him back as she inches closer.

Her new life in San Diego is off to a perfect start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huh, it's almost like you guys were just waiting for last chapter ;)
> 
> thank you guys so much for the comments/kudos/bookmarks. you're all the best!
> 
> probably one more chapter of this :(
> 
> see you guys next Sunday!!
> 
> title of the chapter is from Home by Johnnyswim :)
> 
> <3 <3 <3


	14. it was always you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean moves into her apartment.

Lara Jean’s new apartment is littered with boxes.

She’s pretty sure what once was her living room will now be a cardboard box storage room for the foreseeable future. But this apartment is _hers_ and she can decorate it how she wants and leave things where she wants them, and maybe that’s what makes her the happiest.

The sunlight streams in through the open balcony door as Lara Jean watches Peter put together the entertainment center, cursing under his breath.

“Did you have to get Ikea furniture?” He asks when he hears her laughing, looking up from the floor where he sits between piles of boxes.”

“It was cute,” Lara Jean shrugs, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “And besides, it’s going to look great in this room once you get it together.”

Peter nods, screwing in another piece before reaching for the directions. “Remember when we told your dad he didn’t have to meet us out here to help with setting things up? That I would help you with putting things together? Really regretting that suggestion right now.”

“But then we wouldn’t be able to do this,” Lara Jean whispers, bending down to press her lips against his. It’s still unfamiliar, but Lara Jean smiles and welcomes it all the same, running her fingers through his hair as he pulls her closer.

“More later,” He mumbles, pressing his forehead to hers as he kisses her again. “When we’re done putting sheets on the bed.”

“Cocky, Kavinsky,” She laughs, standing back up. “I like it.”

She watches Peter put together the last of the entertainment center while she organizes the kitchen, putting away the grocery shopping they did that morning and the pots and pans where she wants them to go. She looks out at the living room, manages to see around the boxes, and finally feels like maybe her apartment is kind of coming together.

—

The night before was the best night’s sleep she’d gotten the entire trip.

In Peter’s apartment that was so a mess it almost felt like they were back in high school again, Lara Jean took comfort in his sweatshirts laying on the ground, the one she slept in beside him, and the sun streaming through the window when they woke up in the morning, the palm tree casting a shadow onto the hardwood floors.

“We could be roommates,” Peter mumbled against her shoulder when he woke up, pulling her closer.

She laughed, shook her head, and spun in his arms to kiss him. “We can’t. You live in a one bedroom, and we’re not anything.”

Peter smiles, kissing her softly, lips trailing down to trace her jaw. “We could be though,” He whispers, and Lara Jean wants to so quickly say yes.

“We’re not, Peter,” She smiles, rolling over to kiss him again before hopping out of bed. “Can I shower real quick? And then we can go food shopping and get the keys to my place?”

Peter rolls onto his side, leaning on his elbow as he stares at her. “Sure,” He says after a minute. “But just know that I wish you were still laying here and we were doing things that didn’t involve moving you into your own place today.”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, turning on her heels and walking into his bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

—

Peter navigates through the grocery store with ease, leaving Lara Jean feeling slightly overwhelmed and also a little bit like she doesn’t have everything she needs.

“I promise you we’re getting everything on your list,” He smiles, taking the cart from her as they walk down another aisle. “You’re going to have so much food you won’t know what to do with it.”  
“And if I don’t, I’ll be coming up to your apartment and eating your things,” She reminds him, grabbing granola bars off the shelf and tossing them into the cart.

Peter smiles, grabbing pasta for her from another shelf. “I don’t really see how that’s supposed to be a negative,” He teases, moving to go down another aisle.

“California prices are —“

“Insane?” Peter finishes for her, smiling. “I know. You’ll get used to them once you live out here a little longer.”

Lara Jean groans, grabbing the next thing on her list. “Thankfully I won’t have to buy all that much since it’s only me.”

Peter nods, leaning down against the cart. “And if you run low I have to say that I am still the king of all snacks and I will always have something you can come steal.”

“Good to know,” Lara Jean smirks, crossing the last thing off her list as they walk back to the front of the store.

They pack up the car full of food and groceries enough to last Lara Jean a few weeks, and as Peter slides into the driver’s seat and Lara Jean sits beside him, he turns to face her. “Ready to go get the keys to your new apartment?” He asks, turning the car on. “And become my neighbor for the foreseeable future?”

Lara Jean can’t bite back her smile, laughing as she leans back, staring out the front windshield and taking a deep breath. “Let’s do this,” She nods, watching as Peter navigates through the crowded parking lot and back towards their apartment building, everything finally starting to sink in.

—

The layout of Lara Jean’s apartment is the same as Peter’s, which means there’s already a way Lara Jean has in mind to lay everything out. They start on the bedroom first, putting together her bed her dad had shipped out. It started off promising, her bedroom slowly but surely coming together, but then the new furniture begins.

Peter takes the lead, reading the directions painstakingly slow in hopes that they somehow make sense. Lara Jean busies herself organizing and cleaning the kitchen, floating between the rooms of her new apartment as she catches herself looking out the window every so often, marveling in the view in front of her of the palm trees lining the streets and the sunshine that never seems to go away.

She snaps a few photos of her now completed bedroom, helps Peter put together the coffee table for the living room, and when he starts on the entertainment center she takes a step back again, smiling. “Can you believe we’re neighbors?” She asks him, smiling from ear to ear as she looks around. “You really live in the same apartment building as me.”

“You don’t have to thank me now for finding you this place,” Peter smirks, glancing up from the directions that were causing him more harm than good. “I’ll take any form of thanking however you see fit.”

Lara Jean walks over, kissing him roughly. “You’ll get more of a thank you later,” She whispers, kissing him again before standing back up. “When there’s less boxes and I feel like maybe parts of my life are coming together.”

Peter laughs, looking around. “Maybe you go put your clothes away? Hang things up, organize your room the way you want it? It’s basically done, I think. Maybe one more thing to put together.”

Lara Jean agrees, rolling the suitcase into the room and organizing her clothes, biting back her laughs when she hears Peter curse under his breath from the other room, the entertainment center slowly but surely coming together.

In many ways, Lara Jean didn’t know what she expected when they got to San Diego. She always thought Peter was going to help her with organizing and building and situating her apartment the way she wanted it. She always thought that he would be there for her, helping her settle in, getting her acclimated.

She just never thought it’d be anything more than that. She would’ve been grateful just having him as a friend again. Finding comfort in him being close, spending her free time getting to know him again. Getting to know the person he’s become after all these years.

But it’s more than that. And maybe they’re not putting a label on it and maybe it won’t turn into anything more than it’s been, but it’s good right now. And having him here and being this close again is something that Lara Jean doesn’t ever want to let go of.

By the time Peter finishes putting together the entertainment center and the sofa, Lara Jean feels like she’s got most of her life together. There’s a few boxes of little things left laying around, but she’s exhausted and Peter’s done more than enough, and so she calls it a night.

“Let’s just order pizza and watch Netflix. I don’t think I can take unpacking another box or watching you put together another piece of furniture tonight,” She sighs, falling onto the sofa as she looks up at him. “You order from your favorite place, I’ll pay for it as a thank you for the last week and then still helping me set this place up.”

“Deal,” Peter says, digging his phone out of his pocket as he falls onto the sofa beside her. He orders pizza, hands her the phone to pay for it, and by the time it arrives and Lara Jean just barely musters up the energy to answer the door, Peter is half wondering how they’re going to have any energy to spend their first night apart from each other in a week.

Peter pulls a slice onto his plate, walking back over to Lara Jean’s couch. “So, what are you most excited about for the first day of work tomorrow?” He asks, a smile on his face.

Lara Jean thinks about it for a moment, shrugging. “I’m not sure,” She says truthfully. The whole week had been such a blur that she hadn’t had time to think about what her first day of residency would be like, let alone what she would be doing on her first day. “I think just learning about the hospital and the people I’m going to be working with. Everything else will just be a bonus.”

“Well, I have the day off tomorrow. So if you’re not totally dead you can tell me all about it?” Peter asks, reaching forward for his soda.

“Not ready to go a day without me?” Lara Jean teases, taking a bite of her pizza as she hides her smile. “You have yourself a deal, Kavinsky. You make it incredibly convenient to make that happen.”

“I mean, can you blame me after the week we’ve had?” He asks, leaning closer to her. “How am I supposed to just go back to work in a few days and not be with you all day?”

Lara Jean smiles. “The same way I’m going to start my new job tomorrow without you there. And then we’ll hang out whenever we have time off and we can manage it.”

Peter nods, sighing. “Even if it’s doing nothing, just like we’re doing right now, I’d be okay with it,” He says quickly, and Lara Jean laughs and leans against his shoulder, smiling when his lips press to the top of her head.

There’s a lull for a while, the two of them finishing their dinner and watching the movie they chose after a lengthy process, but there’s a thought in the back of Peter’s mind and he feels like he needs to say it.

“Where do we go from here?” He asks after a minute, voice quiet. “Do we just keep things how they are? Do we make it more? Not that we need to pick anything right now.”

Lara Jean chews on the corner of her lip, shifting so she can turn to look at Peter. “I think maybe we just keep it how it is. At least for right now,” She decides after a moment. “I just… I don’t want to start something and get so overwhelmed with work that you don’t get the attention you deserve.”

Peter almost looks relieved, nodding. “I think… I think maybe I want us to be more in the future?” He says, looking back at Lara Jean, “But right now I need it to be just the way it is too. Until you get settled and we figure things out and we feel more at ease with being back in the same city.”

Lara Jean leans over, kissing him. “I agree,” She nods, smiling as she kisses him again. “I just need you and I don’t want to label this something so serious when we haven’t even really talked about how we’re feeling.”

“Because I think it’s obvious how I feel about you,” Peter smiles, pulling Lara Jean closer. “But that’s for later. When things are a little more normal.”

Lara Jean nods, turning to lean against Peter again. She falls into his lap, feels his fingers running through her hair and his breathing evening underneath her, and as they watch the movie and the night grows later, Lara Jean realizes her life is about to change again the next morning.

Reluctantly, Peter says he’s leaving when the movie ends. “You have to get some sleep before tomorrow,” He insists, and Lara Jean knows he’s right. She follows him to the front door, watches him slip on his shoes, and almost asks him to just spend the night with her one final time before they get into their real lives once again.

But she doesn’t. Instead she leans up for a kiss, letting her hold him in his arms a little longer in the entryway to her new apartment. “You’re going to kill it tomorrow,” He murmurs against the top of her head, rubbing her back. “And Covey?”

“Hm?”

“Your mom would be so proud of you.”

Lara Jean takes a shaky breath, pulling herself further against Peter’s chest. “Thank you,” She mumbles, letting him hold her for a moment.

He pulls back, kissing her again before opening the door. “Text me when you’re off work, okay? I want to hear all about it whenever you can.”

“I will, I promise,” She smiles, kissing him once more before he walks back down the hall towards the steps.

By the time Lara Jean gets ready for bed and settles in her own bed alone for the first time in a week, the reality of moving across the country is starting to sink in.

Tomorrow starts the beginning of a new chapter. She’s terrified, worried that maybe she isn’t ready for this or maybe she should’ve stayed closer to home. But then she thinks about the experiences she’s going to have and the friends she’s going to make and how most of all this change brought Peter back into her life, and maybe that’s enough.

She falls asleep knowing that no matter what happens everything about moving to San Diego feels right, and having Peter right there ready to catch her when she needs it the most is enough to make her feel like everything is going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so so so much for reading/commenting/leaving kudos on this story! i'm so glad you guys enjoyed it :) one-shots of their life in san diego are not out of the question since so many of you asked about them! 
> 
> i'm also working on a different fic involving a kid, so hopefully i'll post that soonish for you guys to read!
> 
> you're all the best thank you so much <3 <3 <3
> 
> title of the chapter is from Always You by Louis Tomlinson :)

**Author's Note:**

> my goal right now is to update once a week on Sundays :) if i can figure out a way to post twice a week without it being too late at night, that may be a possibility!
> 
> you can follow me on tumblr [here](https://peter-covinskys.tumblr.com/) if you want :)


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